Be You Now

I really push myself to expand beyond my comfort zone for these posts.  I’m starting to get a feel for the process and the feeling that comes when I’ve reached the place in me that has something that wants to be shared.  A unique combination of feelings start to unfold and I feel the usual tension in my midsection start to let go, and I literally. . . feel my being begin to expand outward past my normal limits.  My awareness becomes bigger.

Today I felt it come on during my walk.  I felt it start to happen. . . and could feel a part of me feel scared about that bigness, and try to resist or convince it to go back in its cage.  But, my bigness just held the space and said quietly . . . “Why?”  And then the Resistance was gone, seeing that Bigness meant business.

But the answer to the question of “Why?” continued to unfold in me.  Appropriately, my random song shuffle, chose an epic soundtrack.  Making it more convincing to my Bigness, that we were in some really awesome movie and walking slowly towards the viewer while explosions went off around me, and I looked more or less unaffected.  Dramatic.  Epic.  Bigness.  is quickly followed by Shame. Guilt. Smallness.

Or was.

Why?  I asked myself.  What’s wrong with it.  What’s wrong with feeling Big.  What’s wrong with any of the things we feel?  Why are they thrown around like insults?

Feeling the unique combination of feelings start to unfold, letting me know I had hit my target for today’s topic, I let my Being fan out to collect the pieces of the story that wanted to be shared today.

I saw one of the gossamer threads come back to me with a memory of a recent comment I read on another blog about their fight with mental illness.

I saw another gossamer thread come back with this blog http://aopinionatedman.com/ and http://wrongwithlife.wordpress.com/ and this one http://www.jamesaltucher.com/, all of which I had recently hopped into briefly and scanned their posts.

I felt inside of me, a feeling of “realness” and “rawness”.  I felt chills and a feeling of electrical power radiate outward, that felt good to open up to and let through instead of trying to stop it.  In that radiating feeling, and gossamer etheric threads weaving something together, I thought of my feeling bad for feeling Big.  The woman who struggled with a life of “mental illness”.  The courage of these individuals I had just come across in the last day, to speak their truth.

I felt a strength start to pour and spread in me.  Seeing someone. . . anyone speak their own truth, unapologetically. . . is so empowering.  And in that moment, I was only feeling the gossamer threads of 4 or 5 of these brave souls in that moment. . . but the quantum leap of power and strength that was to be had in the combining and networking of the few. . . was immense.  It was POWERFUL.  It brought such.pure.joy. into my being.

Each of these people are from completely different walks of life.  They each have completely different things to say.  In person, they may not give each other a 2nd glance.  But each have something to offer all of us.  I could feel the energy of one come into me like a part of a song, and then the next came in and weaved itself into the song. . . and the next.  I could feel the commonality between all of them. . . their truth. . . the song that is released into the unseen when each is speaking their truth, whatever that truth is. . . weaves itself together and in the process. . . strengthens the whole.

In that moment, I got to stand in the middle of it, with my Bigness hanging out having a heyday.  I got to see it and feel it with all of my sensitivity that I realized was actually a gift.

There are some pretty good movies out there, with great special effects.  But they ain’t got NOTHING on this.

I felt I belonged on the set of Avatar.

All of this, while I’m walking through a busy downtown.  The bigness, the swirls of energy around me, the connections, the strength found in each person who speaks their truth and the collected strength we all gain from them.  The songs, beauty, joy that it weaves into the etheric.

In the unseen spectacle that was unfolding all around and within me, I felt acceptance of all that I was.  I did not feel sorry about any of the things that make up me.  How I can sometimes be “too much”.  That I can be intense.  That I can be stubborn.  That I can be DRAMATIC.  That I offend.  That I am loud.  That I am emotional.  That I am sensitive.

And with that acceptance, I was able to release all judgments of myself and others.  Because the immensity of beauty and power that came from people being real, made me only love all of those differences in them.  And how alone, they may not make any sense, but from the view of how they fit with the others. . . I saw that each was perfect.  And only seeing it from my Bigness, was I able to see and understand just how perfect and precise each person was.  Each complimented the other in ways that could never have been guessed at the individual level.

We don’t need to change each other.  We don’t need to fix anything.  Let go of thinking that if others would do this or that, *then* things would be better for all of us.  We *only* need to be who WE are inside.  Be ALL of who you are.  Embrace it, love it, share it.  Bring it to the table.  Everyone.

Join, the very literal, Symphony of Life.  Finding you and being the full expression of YOU is all that is being asked.  Not what you were conditioned to think is you, not what you think you are supposed to be.  Being “good” is over rated.  Being “nice” is over rated.  Being a “giver” is over rated.  Listen inside to what you feel and let *that* out.

You will know when you’ve hit the part of you that is real, underneath all the masks and conditioning.  You will know, because it will be like a breath of fresh air.  It will be like experiencing life for the first time.  You will wish for more of it.  You will become greedy for it, because you have been starving for it.  It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  It is like a good stretch after an awesome nap.  It will feel like you’ve finally found the road home, and as soon as you recognize it… you’ll start sprinting.

There are many of us beginning to gather on this road home.  I hope to see you there.  Your presence makes the song that much more beautiful for all of us.