Getting All Growed Up

For the most part, my life has stayed relatively the same for several years.  Same job, same apartment, same day-to-day routine more or less.

I’ve had big stuff happen such as my son being hospitalized, getting engaged, the breakup with the fiancé, my girl kitty dying . . .  but nothing actually fundamentally changed.  Ok, maybe inner growth blah blah blah, but it doesn’t *feel* like change to me when my daily routine is basically undisturbed.

But I have some big changes happening astrologically which have been rumbling and shaking the ground from under my feet.  One, I only know about thanks to Aries Introvert, who pointed out that I have a lunar nodal return coming up in July.  That happens once every 18.6 years . . . that’s a HUGE deal.  Learning that helped make sense of an underlying tension I’ve been feeling start to come on recently.  My Solar Return alone couldn’t account for the bigness of what I’m feeling happen.  I also recently, at the beginning of the year, had transiting Uranus cross my ascendant . . . but that’s just become par for the course for me.

However, what is super interesting to me, is just how similar my Solar Return and Lunar Nodal Return are, emphasizing everything.  Okay, I wasn’t planning on it, but I truly feel visuals help so I’m going to go grab those charts and brb.

. . .

Okay so here are the charts for easy reference (using the Koch house system).  My natal, my Solar Return, and Lunar Nodal Return.

Natal NN Reference

Natal

2014 Solar Return

2014 Solar Return

2014 Lunar Nodal Return

2014 Lunar Nodal Return

Okay, so take special notice of my natal lunar north node which is circled at 23 degrees Libra.  Look at my rising sign for my 2014 Solar Return.  23 degrees Libra.  My rising sign for my lunar nodal return?  Libra.  Conjunct what?  The 23 degree Libra north node.

Btw, a solar return is a snapshot of the heavens in the current year on the moment that the sun returns to the exact same degree as your birth.  It gives you an idea of what you’ll be working on for the year.  A lunar nodal return is under a similar premise, it’s when the transiting nodes return to the same exact place they were when you were born and gives you an understanding of a bigger cycle in your life that lasts approximately 18.6 years.

There are two things in particular that have been at the foremost of my awareness today that I can totally see how it fits here.  1) Uranus in Aries in the 6th house for both returns 2) Libra rising/Aries descendant in both returns.

The Uranus (sudden change) in Aries (new) in the 6th house (day-to-day work) is pretty apparent in my life.  I *suddenly* found out that my job of 5 1/2 years was most likely ending at the end of June . . . and before I had too much time to panic, I *suddenly* had a new job.

But what’s maybe not so apparent, is that *suddenly* I can’t seem to keep astrology out of my blogs.  Astrology is ruled by Uranus.  Aries relates to the individual self.  6th house is also known as the house of healing & service.  My blog is more or less a part of my daily life.  I suppose it could technically count as a service, but I suppose that depends on whether it actually helps anyone or not, but at minimum it’s a tool I use along with astrology in helping to heal myself as an individual.  So perhaps with that in my Lunar nodal return, this will start becoming a bigger part of my life going forward.  Who knows?  Aries is *new* and Uranus is innovative . . . so it may even be stuff I haven’t thought up yet.

Point being, my work life going forward is going to be anything but dull.

Now to the Libra/Aries bit.  In my natal I’m an Aries rising and I have a mountain of 1st house emphasis including an Aries Mars & Venus.  With all this Libra switch-a-roo going on in my return charts, I’m experiencing the Aries & Libra energy in a new way, and I have to say I’m pleasantly surprised with the understanding I’m gaining.

The biggest thing is that I’m feeling this switch in me of approaching life from a view of survival, into one of more purposeful choices.  For example, the lease on my apartment is going to end in a month or two and I’m considering looking for a new apartment that is closer to town.  In the past, this meant finding the least expensive apartment I could find that had the bare minimum for me to survive off of.  It wasn’t so much about what I wanted, as it was about I was going to learn how to like whatever I could find.

But this time I’m like, “Hey, let’s not be so hasty.  Let’s see what cool things are available that maybe aren’t necessities, but would perhaps enrich my life some more.”  Aries –> Libra.

Or even about my job.  I had more of a feeling of not wanting to just take the first thing available just to make sure I had work, so much as I was starting to think about my career choice as something that I get to have a say in what I do.  Now, I *did* take the first job I walked into (that damn Aries in the 6th house) however it’s because it was something new and was exactly what I *was* looking for.

I still plan on continuing my mission of understanding my skills/talents and taking more of a purposeful & calm approach to the decisions I make in my life.  I don’t need to rush it anymore.  I don’t need to go into “scared rabbit mode” when these big changes happen in my life.  I can take more time to bounce around ideas about what I really want in life to make my life better, instead of strictly surviving.  Again, that’s the difference between the Aries/Libra axis.

The biggest surprise I think for me so far, is that I am starting to understand the whole concept of ‘long-term goals’.  From an Aries rising standpoint, you’re just trying to fucking survive.  *That’s* your long term goal.  Why plan ten years down the road when you don’t even know if you’re going to be alive then?  It’s like one thing at a time please!  🙂

But when you have the luxury of leisure (Libra), then it’s like what’s the rush?  Let’s think about this.  Let’s see what’s possible before we rush into anything.

And that’s a completely new thing for me.  It’s quite a transition in fact.  The whole concept of my whole existence not being based solely off of trying to keep from dying.

Aries is raw material and Libra is the refined material.

So that got me thinking about how now the descendant is showing as Aries.  I’m going to have more people who are in the survival mode coming into my life.  Now, I still have a natal Aries rising, so that still rattles my memories of living in perpetual fight or flight.  But I also have Mars and Venus in Aries.  Libra is ruled by Venus.  So all this new Libra emphasis, still points to my Venus (and Mars since they are both on the exact same 26th degree) . . . but it’s a softer and more refined Venus/Mars that I’m feeling.

I look back on my life and it’s been one big mess of ‘please god, just let me live through this’.  But something else I’m noticing . . . I also used all of those really tough times in my life as opportunities to try something new (Aries).  I challenged myself to not use misfortune in my life as an excuse for failure.  So with an abundance of will power (Aries), I not only got through those endless insane moments in my life, but I learned how to transcend them.  I just knew in my heart, that there was a way to still live in joy even while total insanity was breaking out around me.  A new way of being.

 Now I look at these returns and even at what’s happening right now in my day-to-day life and it’s kind of starting to dawn on me what exactly is happening at this time in my life.  I’m switching roles completely.  I *am* seeing the people around me struggling more and more as shit starts to hit the fan for the general public.  I recognize the eyes in the headlight look that I used to always have.  But that’s no longer me.

Not because stuff stopped happening to me, hell no!  In fact, if anything, it’s been ratcheted up to unbelievable levels.  But when I remember and start putting into practice all of the things I learned in all of my years of struggle and survival, I transform (pluto) into a place of peace and calm (libra) within myself and I’m able to effortlessly navigate ‘the slings and arrows of misfortune’.  I begin to encompass my natal 7th house into myself (which includes my Libra north node) along with my 1st house of Aries Self . . . and reconcile the paradox of duality on that axis (Gemini).

In short, I become the living example or model of the accumulation of all that I’ve learned and have overcome.  And by simply living it, being it, being myself- I am giving that knowledge and information to everyone I come into contact with, even when I don’t speak a word.  I don’t need to preach or lecture. (Although I’m never going to give up talking.)  I simply live it with all my heart.

Living my life out loud, is the value I add to the world.  My life does matter.  I do count.

I truly believe that every person does count.  But I think too often we look for traditional markers of success such as a fancy title or having a lot of money or even at times trying to prove our worth with over-kindness and charity work.

What if the best gift we could offer the world, was ourselves whole-heartedly?  I think the worst that could be said of someone doing that is:

mad fire