Death To The Popcorn Eating Shadows!

Do you know how when you really want to do something and you’re all excited about it in your head and maybe even your stomach, and you’re living it out in your imagination and “Wooo! It’s going to be so awesome!” and you’re getting totally pumped up about doing it . . . and then you think of someone in your life that you’d *like* to share it with but based on the feeling of the response from the last 50 times you’ve asked them to do something similar . . . all of your enthusiasm deflates like a popped balloon animal?

Yeah, me too.

Or how about, when you get a burst of inspiration and all these thoughts and idea come into your head and you’re like “OMG! Why didn’t I think of this sooner?!” and you come busting through the living room, excited to share your brilliance with the world while simultaneously making a list of all the things you’re going to need to do or get in order to bring this brilliance into existence as a favor from you to everyone else . . . but it gets met with less than excited looks on people’s faces?


If you’re hard-headed like me, then you’ve probably continued to do this over and over until one day you realize that you can’t even bother to get excited about it yourself.  You no sooner think of something that makes you excited or happy, and this ‘reality trend analysis’ races ahead in your imagination and sees that it always ends up in disappointment and decides to automatically throw the kill switch before you can even get it started.

Other, less hard-headed people, figured out long ago that when it’s something that is important to you or makes you happy but others don’t approve or support it . . . that you keep that shit to yourself and don’t share it with them.  Don’t feed your joy to the killjoys!

But I’ve got a problem.  I share.  I share a lot.  I show my cards at the beginning of the hand.  I’m all “Here’s what I have!  What do you guys all have?!” which is returned with murderous looks thrown in my direction.  People take “Go Fish” way too seriously.  Sheesh.

People have more than one way of letting you know they don’t approve of something.  So someone *might* be saying out loud in words, “Oh my gosh, that is so wonderful, I’m so happy for you!” But they’re being a liar liar pants on fire and you can tell from the tone or tension in their voice or maybe their body language or maybe even just from a feeling you’re getting.  It just doesn’t feel or sound sincere to you.

You may pass it off, or just go with it because I mean, who cares you’re in a good place within yourself because obviously you have *happy* news you just shared.  But something in you picks up the insincerity at some level, and it sits there in the shadows eating popcorn watching this all unfold, rubbing it’s buttery hands together evilly because it knows one day it’s time will come.

Evil Popcorn

When it happens to you enough times and with enough people, you’ll start finding yourself avoiding those people or not wanting to share good news with them or maybe even not be excited about the news yourself.  By this point there is an accumulation of those evil buttery handed party poopers in the shadows who are whooping it up because the one has become the many and they’re starting to gain power and have a say on your attitude in life.

Popcorn Gulls

Over time, these little things can suck and drain the life right out of you.  Kids, this is what happened to grown-ups and why they are so serious about everything and boring.  It’s a disease you catch as you age.  (Gawd, I hope there are no actual kids reading my site with me and my sailor’s mouth!)

What this also brings up for me are things like *secrecy*.  Why people lie.  Why people are SO blind to their own bullshit.  Why people can become so controlling.  Why people can be easily fooled if you say one thing, but do another.

“I know you don’t want me to do this, but I really want to so I’m going to do it anyways.  I don’t want your guilt trips or lectures, so I’m going to do some jedi mind tricks on you so that you can’t see I’m doing it, but we’ll be able to continue being friends/peaceful family member/mate.”

Now, the thing is . . . it’s not that people don’t notice, but as long as nobody says anything about it out loud then everyone *pretends* it didn’t happen.  When everyone pretends it didn’t happen, it actually becomes very hard for anyone to recall it later or even remember that it happened.

If you start doing that long enough in your life and for enough things . . . you start to not notice these covert things.  You start becoming oblivious to all kinds of things going on around you.  If you go your whole life like that and then one day you ever start to unravel that shit . . .


It’s like cats.  Cats are going to do what the fuck they want to do.  You can tell them no, and maybe they’ll stop doing it.  In FRONT of you.  I have heard a million stories about owners thinking they’ve tamed their cat only to walk in and catch the cat in the act.  The cat is just being true to it’s nature.  The owner is just in serious denial thinking they can control the cat.

Now you can try breaking a cat’s spirit in order to gain control over it against it’s own will and needs, to show that you are a superior being in your own mind’s eye, and continue living in your deluded world that you have total control and dominion over your environment.  But then you’re just a fucking asshole and need a good punch to the face.

No popcorn

Or.  You can make an effort to try and understand the whole reality of what’s going on in the situation and diffuse it from the root instead of fucking up your spiritual and energetic shit beyond recognition or help.

Animals don’t have agendas like “Today, I must piss off my human.”  They do things because there is a reason.  Something is causing it.  It might even be you.  It might be another family member.  It might be a health issue.  Maybe they were abused.  Maybe, it’s because a need of theirs isn’t being fulfilled. <gasp!>   There’s always a solid reason.  But if you’re totally oblivious to your environment or your own shit . . . then you’re going to keep blaming and taking it out on the animal.

So why do I do stupid things like yell out what’s in my hand and share?  Because I do not wish to be oblivious to myself or my life or to other people’s bullshit.  It initially puts me at a disadvantage because until I eventually figure out what’s in everyone else’s hand, people use my straight-forwardness to their advantage.  I get used as a scapegoat.  I am made to feel guilty and ashamed.  I’m talked down to.  I’m ridiculed, laughed at, and made fun of.  Called names.  Talked about behind my back.

But do you know what?  During all of that shit storm . . . everyone is showing me and everyone else all of their cards.  By the time I get to the last card in the last player’s hand, there isn’t anywhere for anyone to hide.  And finally everyone gets to see their own bullshit, and to be perfectly honest?  It’s ALWAYS a relief.

Because we are ALL so sick of the bullshit.  We are all becoming so sick of our own bullshit and everyone else’s, but we’re wrapped up so tight in it that we can no longer see our way out of it.  We want out, but where’s the fucking EXIT sign?

Popcorn Thief

I’ll tell you –>  Stop having tolerance for your own bullshit and get yourself cleaned up.  Which when you do that, you’ll start understanding why shit’s so messed up and how the things you do cause your own problems down the road.

Then you’ll naturally stop having tolerance for other’s bullshit and start insisting that they hold themselves to a higher standard as well.  We need to be visited by a plague of Truth instead of this widespread disease of popcorn eating shadows.

Btw, not putting down popcorn.  I love popcorn.  Especially with salt and butter.  Popcorn’s the best.

Nom Nom Popcorn

Self Knowledge Is Self Empowerment

This morning I was responding to comments from my last blog post, Breaking Open.  And not for the first time when replying to a comment, I found that my reply was turning into a full blown blog post.  Something happens for me in that particular dynamic that clears my head, and I go into a very clear and sacred space.

The big picture view and my own personal view come into focus and it’s almost like everything has already been written . . . I’m just copying it down as if I was taking notes in a class.  In that space, everything makes sense.  Everything is understood.  It is a place of timelessness.  It is a place of peace and love.

(Oh man if you could see in my head right now, my natal chart has just lit up like a pinball machine on crack . . . I can see exactly how everything I’m writing today is shown prominently in my birth chart.)

I hope a way presents itself on how I can incorporate that more into this blog, because I am much happier writing from that space.  Until then, I’d like to share what came from my initial attempt to reply to a comment.

It was in reply to Astrologerpeg’s comment.  (Here’s a shout out to her own blog site Astrologerpeg’s Blog . . . that’s what you can expect from me if I call you out unexpectedly in one of my posts.  Free advertising ; )  But back to the comment, most specifically to this part:

 I don’t know what we can do about the world, except visualize it better and believe that one day it will be better

I would imagine that Astrologerpeg is far from alone in her thoughts about this.  Things are insane . . . but what do we do?

I started to reply with a big fat “I don’t know” . . . except when I started typing . . . something else came out instead.  I don’t think it’s *the* answer, but I believe it’s *an* answer.  The remainder of this post is that *something* that my heart wanted to say.  (And thanks Astrologerpeg for being the person that I needed to help me focus and clear my thoughts, enabling me to be able to communicate them at all.  A perfect example of how just being who you are, can help others in ways you can’t possibly imagine.)

How I feel about it right now, is that a lot of focus is currently on what we can do to change other people.  “If I do *A*, then the other person will do *B*, and then that will make the world a better place.”  But all that does, is force us to project our world and understanding of it onto another person.  It forces us to make assumptions and judgments about them.  When we do that, we aren’t really listening to what they have to offer, and we’re not seeing who the person is and ultimately we just end up negating them.  I don’t feel that is helping the world.

I can’t know another person better than themselves.  I don’t know what they know, I haven’t experienced what they’ve experienced.  So how can I tell them who or how to be, or even what is best for them?  So I feel, that instead of trying to tell everyone else what to do, feel, or think . . . that we first focus on learning and understanding who we are for ourselves.

Why do I need to do things this way?  Why does this make me feel the way it does?  What hurts me?  What makes me happy?  Why?

Not from a defensive judgmental standpoint, but from a place of childlike curiosity (aka Gemini :).  It is like unwrapping a never-ending present.  A great joy comes from discovering who *you* really are.

When a person understands themselves, then they are more easily able to communicate back out to others what is and is not true for them.  What is and is not okay for them. Healthy boundaries are easier to set and maintain.  It’s harder to be manipulated and controlled by others.  It becomes more difficult to fall into “victim” status.

Knowledge is power.  So knowledge of self becomes Self-Empowerment.

A tremendous amount of inspiration in my life came from the quote by Mahatma Gandhi, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”  I have it written on a slab of stone hanging over my fireplace.  When something inspires me, I take it to heart and I strive to live by it.

The things that inspire us, make us happy, and brings us to life . . . they do so because it is something important to who we are in our heart.  The same things that inspire me won’t necessarily inspire jack-shit in another person no matter how much I like them . . . because it’s not a part of who they are meant to be.  It’s not a part of their journey.  Some things inspire all of us because they touch on a universal truth, but that’s the exception and not the rule.

So why then, do we try to take our personal truths and make everyone else live them?  (I am one of the biggest offenders of this, btw.)  It’s with good intentions, yes . . . but what happens is when others choose to do their own thing instead of what you’re doing . . . it feels like you don’t support them on their path, and like they don’t support you on yours . . . and then it becomes harder to be who you are around others.  That’s a lose/lose.

But what if, instead . . . we just took those things that speak to our heart and become those things ourselves.

The more that I become who I am by embodying what I hold most valuable and dear to my heart . . . the less need I feel to judge or change anyone else around me.  The more I’m able to truly see others for who they are, and not as I need or wish them to be.  The more I’m able to actually live my life on purpose, and not spend all of my energy trying to control and manipulate everyone around me in an effort to make the world better by my standards.

So I guess my feeling about what can be done to change the world . . . is that you don’t.  I don’t feel that the focus should be on changing the world.  That’s too much responsibility for one human.  There’s no way you’re going to convince 7+ billion people to all think one way, because each has their own way that needs to be honored.  But if all 7+ billion people all truly understood and honored their own, unique way . . . then the world would change.

No, but I do!

No, but I do!