What The Lord Of The Underworld Has To Say About The Affairs Of The Heart

I was replying to a comment in another post, and found myself in the mood to talk about it a bunch.  It’s in response to a comment from johnsie4 (aka Janelle) who said:

I’m interested to hear more about Pluto in opposition to Asc, one of my kids has this aspect and I’m interested to learn what that might mean for him.  How does it make you feel?

I’m finding that I’m just in the mood to talk about Pluto in general . . . so I’ll begin with Pluto in opposition to the Ascendant . . . but where it ends up is anyone’s guess.

If astrology is not your *thing*, then this post will be beginning with ways in which hidden (in plain sight) power struggles between me and others play themselves out in my life.

Aries Ascendant/Rising in Opposition (180 degrees) to Pluto in Libra in the 7th House.

Aries Ascendant/Rising in Opposition (180 degrees) to Pluto in Libra in the 7th House.

This is a little busy, but it’s to show the full axis of the 1st and 7th house.  I put Pluto in a heart . . . because he needs love too.  (Huh . . . just noticed transiting mars recently went past my natal Pluto . . . no wonder I’m interested in talking about Pluto LOL).

Anyhoo.  How this has shown up in my life.

I tend to trust people fully as soon as I decide I like someone.  I am completely open and honest with them about everything.  I don’t have a weeding out period where someone has to earn my trust before I start divulging things about myself.  This is really stupid of me, because it lets all kinds of unworthy people into my circle of trust that I should not be letting in there.

Others in my life are evasive about themselves.  It’s like pulling teeth to get anyone to say anything about their personal lives.  They have way more information about me before I have hardly anything on them . . . so that gives them a sort of power over me.  And if they misuse it (and most likely they will because it’s rare to find an enlightened Pluto . . . meaning the stuff they do is subconscious and they can’t even see how they do it.) then my life becomes a living hell.

Also, I’m usually excited to share my relationship with everyone.  “Yay!  Look, this is my boyfriend!”  And every.single.time. for one stupid reason or another . . . I’m some big secret in their lives.

One boyfriend told me AFTER we had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks . . . that “Oh btw . . . I’m an active Muslim.  I can’t be seen with you in public or introduce you to my family, otherwise they will pressure me to marry you.  Is that going to be a problem?”  <— THAT . . . is an example of Pluto on the descendant.  (Btw, because my moon is in Sagittarius (Religions/Faith) in the 8th (Intimacy) . . . that also affects my close relationships.)

Another long-term boyfriend from Belfast, Ireland (More Sagittarius Moon 8th house . . . people from all over the globe) who had moved to my area, didn’t want to tell anyone back home about me because divorce had just become legal over there and he was going through a divorce.  You had to prove one of the approved reasons for getting a divorce in order to get one.  His reason was because of her cheating on him.  So . . . he had to be on his high horse and not let anyone know he was dating anyone before the divorce was final, otherwise how was he any better than her?  (It took about 2 years for a divorce to g0 through.)  So for a WHOLE SUMMER, when his two kids and parents came to visit . . . I couldn’t go see him and had to pretend I didn’t have a boyfriend.

It is ALWAYS something.  And I’m ALWAYS understanding.  But over time, it really . . . really wore down my self esteem because in my own subconscious I was being told by these people that I was someone to be ashamed being seen with.  I wasn’t valuable, I wasn’t wanted.  I ALLOWED them to do that.  So by me not speaking up and saying, “Oh HELL NO!”  I just said, “Oh . . . okay . . . I understand.” and put up with way more than I should have.

The hard part (and this is specific to Pluto in Libra) is that they all seem like perfectly sweet men.  You could analyze them up, down, and sideways and you’d never find anything you could put your finger on and say, “Aha!  There’s your flaw!”  And yet . . . a year or so down the road . . . I’d take a look at myself and find that I had fallen a long way.  Miserable, ill, depressed, lifeless.

Also any time I was in a relationship, I could say goodbye to my friends and family until after the relationship because we got swallowed up in our own little world.  There were often issues of jealousy.  I was a possession to be owned.  My every move was controlled or questioned.  I would become isolated and it would become hard to see a way out of the relationship.  After awhile I’d forget that life had been any other way.  When you feel like you’ve been dropped to the bottom of a very deep well and like the walls are closing in on you and you’re all alone, and like things will never change or get better . . . you are experiencing Pluto.

After the umpteenth time of repeating this “dying” process . . . I finally took a break.  An eight year break.  And decided to figure out WTF was going on with me.  I ripped into my psyche to find what it was about me that was causing me to basically invite the same guy into my life over and over.  I left no stone unturned.  I was brutally honest with myself.  I analyzed every scenario from every perspective until things started to clear in my head and make more sense.

I came up with hypothesizes on why I did certain things and what I could do to potentially change it . . . and tried it out in my own life.  Again in a relentless almost obsessed (Pluto) manner.  Eventually I made it down deep enough in myself to where I found my own inner Pluto.  And when I cracked that bad boy open . . . for the first time ever in my life, I began to make REAL progress in changing myself.  I began to feel a sense of peace I had never felt before.  And forgiveness, because I could see myself in all of my past relationships.  And I saw how it’s really us that keeps ourselves prisoner with our own judgments (Libra).

Pluto on the Descendant (or opposition to the Asc), means that relationships will be where your transformation takes place.  It’s through relationships that you’ll experience the death and rebirth of the Phoenix.  It means that eventually . . . if you decide to face your own inner Pluto . . . you will come out of the other end understanding human relations inside and out.  The what, when, where, why, and how of relationships.  You will understand the affairs of the heart.