Hurray For Laughter!

I have no idea what topic I want to talk about, which probably means this is going to be a satisfying post for me.

The less forethought I put into what I’m going to write about, the more I feel myself smile and feel happy as I write.

Perhaps an exercise in just being present in the moment.  Not having an agenda, not having a “lesson” in mind.  I don’t know about you, but I hate being lectured.

That was the first feedback I ever received from someone about something I wrote online.  “You sound lecture-y.”  Or was it “You sound preachy”?  Either way, I was offended.  Until I reread what I wrote from that perspective . . . and then I realized . . . ugh.  I don’t even want to hear what I have to say.  That was a discussion board attempt back in 2005, so I’ve had some time to work on that.

I figure if I make my own self laugh hysterically at least once while writing a post, then I’m on the winning side of things.  Not necessarily because I think I’m hilarious (I do) but because when I’m writing, it’s like I’m sitting at a theater watching a movie.  I’m just present and watching what’s unfolding on the screen in front of me.  The words come through my fingers faster than my brain can register them (Taurus Mercury . . . with massive doses of Gemini in 2nd house ).

So sometimes I’ll be typing along and my slow ass Taurus Mercury catches up to my fingers and then out of nowhere I’m busting out laughing.  I *know* I typed it . . . but it’s like I’m reading someone else’s blog post.

You know what else happens.  I even once was purposely trying to write a down-to-earth post with no funny hahas AND thought I had succeeded . . . published it . . . went back to read it through as if I was someone else coming to my site . . . and proceeded to unexpectedly snort laugh through a great majority of it.

For some reason, no matter how I write things, whether the narrator voice in my head is being “Ophelia gone wild”, or serious and mature (Captain Picard),  or all Romeo-and-Juliet-tragic . . . when I go back and read it after it’s published . . . the narrator voice ALWAYS turns into a little kid that goes around saying, “Hey!  Hey!  Hey you know what?!  . . . “And then, and then this one time . . . ”  Every time.

Geminis.  Am I right? {looks around room bobbing head seeking validation}

Okay, even I don’t get that joke.

That’s just it.  Most of the time I have no idea why something made me laugh so hard.  I will just be innocently meandering through life’s obstacles, and then *suddenly* . . . Bwahahahahahaha.  Whew . . . oh man . . . my stomach hurts.  If I purposely try to be funny, or find something funny . . . no go.  If I try to be serious . . .  then I end up on the verge of peeing my pants.  (<— oh . . . that sounds like a Saturn in Leo/5th house topic of conversation.  No wonder my humor is off from everyone else’s.)

Here . . . I’ll give you some examples of things that have made me laugh so hard that I thought I would die . . . and people look at it and go “eh”.  They end up laughing just because I’m sitting there laughing so hysterically at something that is just so stupid.

Here’s one that still makes me laugh so hard I can’t breathe:

BrohoofOkay . . . now tell me, HOW is that *not* hilarious?!  (Don’t really tell me.  I need this.)

Okay . . . here’s another one:


Or the cake I got for my son’s 16th birthday:

Bjorn's 16th Birthday Cake

I was giggling all the way home with it.

Okay, and this one:

turtle fly

I really don’t get why this one makes me laugh so hard.  But, who cares.  It doesn’t have where it’s from, but I’m almost positive I got it from (that place is packed full of hilarious):


And this one too:


Okay, and one more “I can’t stop laughing . . . even now as I read it for the billionth time”:


LOL!  . . . whew.  Oh man. : D

Okay . . . I definitely needed that after all of those darker Pluto posts.  Hurray for laughter!  ❤

More Lead, Red Balloons Please.

Just in case I was trying to win a popularity contest, either consciously or subconsciously, I thought I’d write this post and end all chances of that happening.

But first, a little background regarding myself.  Like I said previously, I push myself to expand when I write these posts.  I’m also trying to find *my* voice underneath all of the harsh critics that rant in my head when I’m trying to write something that I know will be published.

“Is this really what *I* feel, or is this what I tell myself to play it safe or to be fair to everyone?”

Right now, I feel more of a need to be fair to me, and what I feel to be true inside of me.  I cannot express how hard this is for me to do.  We all have our inner battles we fight on a daily basis.  This is mine.  For whatever reason, whenever I’ve tried to express what I feel to be true for me, it is met with great opposition.  Minimized, ignored, overridden, dismissed, laughed at.  I went years hardly speaking at all, because I believed that the things I had to say were dumb, stupid, irrelevant.

It was my understanding, that everyone else was clued in to what was going on, and that I was hopelessly lost.  So I listened and observed.  Everything.  Decades of frantically trying to understand the world around me and my place in it before anyone caught on that I didn’t know what the fuck was going on.  Trying to understand how to vocalize my inner world, in a way that didn’t sound crazy or so that I wasn’t continually rejected every time I opened my mouth.  I’m not telling you this to call anyone out, or for anyone to feel ashamed.  I’m telling you so that you have some frame of reference for where I’m coming from.

I want to overcome this battle in me.  I want myself to know that the things I feel matter too.  That I cannot control how anyone responds to what I say, but that doesn’t mean that I should keep quiet from fear of it.  Or that what I feel is any less important than what others feel.  It is up to me to win this battle, not anyone else.  So, don’t feel you need to respond any other way, than how *you* truly feel.  In fact, I insist on it.  I prefer it.  Believe in me enough, to know that I will figure out how to handle it with grace in my own way and in my own time . . . and I will do the same for you.

But back to my impending social suicide.

People, we have an epidemic/hostage situation.  The country has been taken over by two perpetrators known as “think positive” and “you create your own reality”.

It has become a pretty serious situation.

Some of the consequences include (but are not limited to) denial, uninvited impromptu lectures, repression, oppression, obliviousness, unhappiness, disappointment, unkindness, coldness, division, holier-than-thou syndrome, deafness, passive aggressiveness, passive victimhoodness, apathy, avoidance, loss of sense of humor, political correctness insanity, and anal leakage.

Since these two perps have taken over, the world has gone to shit, despite their claims of making all of our dreams come true.  Scientists are baffled.

The crime they are being charged with, is trying to force humanity to fly. . . before they had learned how to walk.  And giving matches to children.  And painting the world in black and white. . . or only white (there’s no black if you don’t think about it).  And for being lazy and trying to skip completely over the whole “discernment” bother.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying.  I’m not ignorant of the situation.  I’m very clear on what is going on.

It may have started off well intentioned.  But it has now just become one more thing to slap each other in the face with.  And btw, I do believe in being optimistic, and I do believe in creating your own reality.

But, here’s where I enthusiastically and unapologetically start going over like a lead, red balloon:

Creating your own reality is a privilege that is earned, and a natural byproduct of having done the hard work of healing yourself.  They don’t just hand that shit out to anybody.  And guess what?  It means taking a long, hard, honest look at the parts of you that you don’t even want to acknowledge are there.  It means getting into the dirty, grimy, nasty, smelly cracks and crevices of your being . . . and bringing them to Light.

Humble yourself.

Forgive yourself.

Love yourself.

And not with the intention of finding a cracker jack prize at the end.  Because if you do it for any other reason than what is Real or True, you will *not* find what you are looking for.  You can fool your family, you can fool me, you can fool yourself, but you will not fool the Energy or whatever name you choose to call it by, that is in charge of and responsible for this process in this existence.  I don’t care how brilliant you think you are.

We all want to avoid what is considered negative or “bad” things in life.  They are most unpleasant, I agree.

But what if the gold you are looking for, is hiding within that darkness?  That the darkness is there, because it’s hiding the doorway out of the insane asylum.  That you must walk through it, in order to get off the hamster wheel?

And then, what if you knew, that the dark fog was nothing but smoke and mirrors.  That it has NO true power over you.  All that it can do is use your own shadows and weaknesses against you.  Whether you have acknowledged those fears or shadows in you or not. . . *It* knows what they are.  And that’s where only thinking positive and not acknowledging those things in yourself, can really fuck you up.  It will always have an advantage over you, and be one step ahead of you. . . forever dangling that carrot in front of you making you think you’re making progress… but naaaaaah, not really.

“Hahahahahahaha.  Noob.”, it says as it tosses another cheeto into its mouth.

This was the path required of me in this life.  It has been cold.  It has been dark.  It has been lonely.  It has been painful.  And I have suffered greatly.

But I have learned how to call on strength and courage, even when I’m ready to piss myself.  I am learning the value of All of my strong emotions.  I have learned how to dance in the Dark and how to sing while in Pain.  I know resilience.  The words Faith, Trust, and Openness mean something completely new to me.  I’ve learned how to open my Heart, even as my Personal Demons are charging straight towards me.

I value laughter.

I have seen the most beautiful things, in the darkest of moments.

I know what’s really important in life and what is trivial.  The government and commercials would have me believe otherwise.

I will not laugh at your weaknesses.  I will love your quirks.  If you want, I will hold your hand when you’re scared.  I will hold the light for you while you walk through the dark, but I will not walk the path for you.  I think it’s a great idea to be allowed to make a lot of mistakes before you finally get it right.

I will hold you to who you really are inside, and not necessarily the one you pretend to be.

Even if it makes you hate me.  Because it’s more important to me that you find yourself again, and in doing so. . . find real happiness.

After all, this isn’t a popularity contest.

Be Real.