I haven’t been myself for awhile now.  I find myself and break surface, treading water, gulping in fresh air.  Then promptly get yanked back under.  A lifetime struggle of trying to swim towards the surface sparkling with warm sunshine, while wrestling with ten ton weights on my feet.

Always I find that the weight weighing me down are lies . . . smokescreens . . . illusions that I’ve convinced myself are true.  And also always, I find that I believe them because for whatever reason, I have been unable to accept the Truth.

I have found for myself that healing . . . true healing . . . is a tricky beast.  On the verge of finding great joy and peace, I have literal nightmares during the night where I find myself face to face with my worst fears.

But when I’ve had enough . . . when I’m done being afraid . . . truly, truly done . . . worn down and exhausted from the fight . . . something other than fear rises up in me.

I stop running from it.  I stop rejecting it.  I stop trying to change or control it.  I instead accept it . . . embrace it . . . I allow it to be a possible truth or reality in my world and I allow myself to be okay in the same space.  It being true, does not have to mean that I cannot find peace and happiness.  Both can coexist in the same world.

Because the Truth is, I will always be okay.  In the end, I will always be okay.