Reporting Live From The Top Of The Rollercoaster

So the day has finally arrived.  dun Dun DUN! O.O

Transiting Uranus . . . is exactly conjunct my Ascendant.

Asc. 9 degrees 18 minutes? Check.  Uranus 9 degrees 18 minutes?  Check.

Asc. 9 degrees 18 minutes? Check. Uranus 9 degrees 18 minutes? Check.

{Why is she making such a goddamn big deal about this?}

I’ll tell you why . . . because it’s like trying to birth the ACTUAL planet of Uranus THROUGH my little human body.  And the labor has been going on for months.  I’m pooped out, but the universe is screaming at me to “PUUUUSSSSSHHHHHH!” this insanely chaotic energy through my being and to just *suddenly* be different.

Illustration helps move the story along (said some wise co-worker of mine in response to one of my novel length emails.)  So today I shall add lots of pictures.

There’s how I (may) appear on the outside to others during this transit.  And then there’s what is really going on inside.

Right now it feels like I’m at the top of a rollercoaster.  A rollercoaster that I don’t remember asking to get on.  A rollercoaster that is so high up, I have to have an oxygen mask on in order to breathe.  And I’m *jusssst* now reaching the tippety top . . . and getting my first view of what lays before me.

I’m not *quite* centered and ready for what’s coming, but I have no control over the situation.  Whether I’m ready and centered or not is irrelevant.  The universe has a schedule to keep, tick tock Ms. Jenn . . . . tick tock.

So there’s my inner child.  She’s looking around her to try and pickup from other’s reactions whether she should be terrified or just go with it.  Currently she’s doing this:

How little girl me feels about it.

How little girl me feels about it.

Next, is my Saturn . . . my inner parent and responsibility advisor extraordinaire.  Saturn is trying to apply the brakes, but realizing that someone greased them . . . and there’s nothing he can do about it right now.  So he’s applying the brake energy where it will be put to good use, and is in a constant state of trying to keep me from doing this:

How my natal Saturn feels about it.

How my natal Saturn feels about it.

But at the SAME time, my Sun/Jupiter in Gemini is looking around to see what fun we could have while we’re here and strapped in for the ride:

What my Gemini wants to do.

What my Gemini wants to do.

Except then there’s Pluto, the dark lord of the underworld, who is in opposition to transiting Uranus on my ascendant.  He’s also still holding a grudge over being demoted from full planet status, and has been plotting to take down the other planets.  So, he’s quietly whispering threats into my ear that nobody else can hear:

The pressure I'm feeling from Pluto.

The pressure I’m feeling from Pluto.

Which triggers all that terrorizes me inside, and nobody else can see:

What I'm now perpetually doing 24/7 in my head.

What I’m now perpetually doing 24/7 in my head.

And then there’s the star of the show, Uranus.  He’s like, “Guys!  Guys!  Guys.  Come on.  Keep cool.  It’s cool.  There’s no need to lose your head.  Just let me do my thing, and it will all be okay.  What?  Oh . . . the people coming at you?  Oh, you mean the people running and screaming in your wake?  Pffffft.  That’s nothing . . . don’t worry about them.  You’re not being weird or chaotic AT ALL.  Let them deal with their own stuff.  It’s not your fault they can’t handle your awesome.  We’re just going to loosen some things that have become stuck, that’s all.  Nothing major. {Stifled laugh.}

What Uranus wants to do.

What Uranus wants to do.

So yeah.  That’s happening.

What it means, is that I’m currently under radical construction.  I’m learning a new way of existing in my life.  And like a kid I’m having to try this out and that out, and it’s all going to be weird and awkward as I adjust and learn how to be this new thing.

While Uranus was transiting through my 12th house, he went through and cleaned out my closet.  He went through there like a goddamn tornado.  A 10+ year tornado.  Ripping up stuff I didn’t even know existed in there.  I don’t KNOW where that god-forsaken ugly green shag rug came from, Uranus, okay?!  Just . . . get rid of it.  God.

And while I’m actually looking forward to have him leave my closet finally, and ending my decade of hyper-sensitive oh-my-god-there-is-acid-running-through-my-veins-it-burns-it-burns-oh-no-that’s-just-Uranus-entering-Aries-while-still-in-my-12th-house-and-pumping-fire-electricity-adrenaline-through-my-entire-body-nonstop-and-forcing-a-new-self-awareness-in-order-to-survive reclusiveness . . . I’m feeling kind of iffy about what he’s going to do to my house of Self.

My suspicion is that I’m just going to be taking all of the things I learned while he was in my 12th house, and start personifying those lessons.  Bring those new ideas he planted in me all those years ago, and start showing and sharing them to others.  That’s my hunch.

So love me or hate me or don’t.  (Wait, what?)  Having gone through Uranus’s version of purification while he was in my 12th (and Pluto’s jaunt across my MC), I have a lot less . . . fear in me.  Things that used to trip me the hell out and cause me to go running and screaming to the nearest shelter . . . now has me going. “Eh.”  And not because I’m jaded or have given up, but because I was given perspective.

We (I) have been taking ourselves (myself) WAY to seriously.  There is serious stuff happening, yes.  But if you’re scared or stressed TOO much . . . you need to zoom out.  You need to expand and see from a much, much bigger perspective.  You can always zoom out further.  If you’re already out in space (also moi), then you need to zoom in.  You need to get more in touch with the details and day-to-day.  Get in body, get grounded . . . s l o w  d o w n.  Not everything you do is as important or as urgent as you’ve led yourself to believe.  It’s just not.

What does that last paragraph have to do with the rest of this post?  Nothing.  That’s what.