Great Changes Taking Place

So this is a video that I actually uploaded on May 5 that I never posted here.  I had put a timer on for some food I was cooking and also so that I had a set time in which to speak.  This was following the video I did regarding the Nepal Earthquake and there was something I had brought up in that video that I had wanted to expand upon.

I go more into what I meant when I say that we’re thinking too small regarding the challenges we’re currently facing on Earth.  How all of the things escalating are related and interconnected and not just isolated events, from the rise in health issues, violence, war, gmo foods, animal deaths, natural events, etc.

I have so much information in me and I haven’t quite pulled it all together in a cohesive way, and is kind of what is happening on the fly in these videos.  Eventually I’ll have the information more buttoned up and not quite so scattered, but I figure I have to start somewhere. 🙂

The pressure is on everything, both the Earth and Humanity and we’re being pressed into crises mode.  I don’t speak about this in the video, but you start to see what people are really made of when put under a pressure cooker like this.  There are those who are screaming and pointing and blaming everything outside of themselves, and there are those who have gone quiet and gone inward trying to resolve the issues within themselves.

It is my feeling that those who chose to go inward to fix what is wrong in themselves first, are the ones who will begin to rise and become the new leaders of tomorrow, who will know how to truly deal with the challenges we are facing.  Ones who have integrity and strength of character to do what truly needs to happen from a centered and balanced place, instead of being thrown all over the place by ego and immaturity.

It’s no longer becoming acceptable to say that the reason we do things like we do is “because that’s how it’s always been done”.  In times of great upheaval and change, it requires that we question everything we thought we knew and understood about life, and it requires that we change too.  Change is easier when everyone can recognize it for what it is and start pulling together and cooperate as a family, instead of acting like selfish and spoiled little children.

Mother Nature does not give a fuck about how fair you think it is or not.  You don’t talk back to the Momma.

 

A Side Less Seen

Typically I only show or share my more upbeat and optimistic self, or sometimes my angry I’m not going to take anymore garbage self.  It’s for good reason that I don’t typically share the side of me that I do in this video, but I don’t want to hide her anymore because she’s a gigantic part of me.  I usually disappear from public view when this part of me is on the surface, but that makes me feel alone, so I’m going to try a different way.  I’m going to share her with you too.

I have always felt this deep hurt and sorrow in me, and it gets worse as the conditions on Earth get worse.  It’s always been present in me.  It’s not depression, I’ve had that . . . that is another animal completely.  I have found that I go into depression when I don’t acknowledge this other deeper part of me.  I also feel that it is an appropriate feeling and response to what is going on everywhere.  Sure, I could numb or block it all out, but that would numb and block out my joy as well.

Also, while I’m always feeling it in me, it isn’t always quite so close to the surface.  But when it does well up, I’ve learned to move out of the way and let it happen.

So here’s another video.  And on it I mention my son coming over, but plans got cancelled, which is alright.  I stopped at the craft store earlier and have origami and coloring books to keep me having fun.  Oh!  And I also got to pick up my flute from the music shop today since the repairs were done.  So all is well.  🙂

Hello?

Loneliness is a strange thing in my mind.  It’s not always obvious to me when I’m experiencing it.  It’s not always obvious to me when I’m trying to hide from it.  It’s not always obvious to me whether it is me that is lonely because of cutting off from everyone else, or whether everyone else is cut off from me.

As I speak, where Venus (What we love) is currently located in the sky (Taurus 3 degrees) is the same degree that my natal Chiron (Wounded Healer or Deepest Wound) is located.  Even when a planet as lovely as Venus comes near something that owie in our chart, it is going to hurt.  I don’t relish when any contact is made with this degree on my chart . . . but I also learned not to run from it.  At least with Venus, it helps soften it enough for me to summon my courage to keep my eyes open as I look at it, even as I’m saying “owie owie owie owie owie” through my tears.

Because I do want to see it.  Even if it’s gross and gory with broken bones poking out of the skin, and makes me wanna throw up.  How else can I take action to make it better if I don’t know what I’m dealing with?  Either way it’s going to hurt, but at least this way I have a chance of some day being free of it.

While in most cases I don’t have any problems going where angels fear to tread, Chiron is one area of my life that I pretty much have to be tricked into facing.  “Oh look Jenn, what’s that over there?  Is that cake?  That’s definitely cake.  You should go check it out.”  Otherwise it’s a whole bunch of nope.

Nope Finger

 This is in my 1st house of self, so it’s like a linchpin anchored into the core of my psyche.  It’s also conjunct (right next to) my natal Mars & Venus which are very personal planets.  Well, and them both being in Aries, you can’t get anymore personal than that.  So inevitably, to get to my personal Self, I have to navigate the ninja land mind that is Chiron within me.

Chiron in mythology was an immortal and revered centaur who was a great healer and founded the ‘school of heroes’ in which many greats were trained.  One day he was accidentally shot with a poisoned arrow (one of Hercules) and despite his extraordinary healing abilities, was unable to heal the wound.  He was in incredible pain, but because he was immortal he was unable to die.  He had to learn how to come to peace with it.

One day he comes across Prometheus who is going through his own miserable existence from having stolen fire from the gods and was being punished by being chained to a rock and every day having his liver eaten by an Eagle and every night growing a new liver.  (I have to hand it to the gods for coming up with some pretty gnarly and yet creative punishments.)

Because of Chiron’s own personal experience of dealing with an agonizing situation of his own, he felt compassion for Prometheus’s situation.  He couldn’t heal himself, but he could help Prometheus and in doing so . . . he *did* help his own pain.  Chiron offered to give up his immortality to Prometheus which would free him.  Prometheus became immortal and broke free from the rock he was chained to, and Chiron dropped dead.  It was a win/win.

Actually, Chiron was given a place in heaven as a constellation for his great sacrifice and is now all sparkly and magical.

I have to tell you though, I’m less than thrilled about this being in my first house of Self.  It’s not in my house of Other where I come across others that are wounded in life.  It’s not in my house of Humanity or large groups of people that were wronged in history.  It’s not this thing that I encounter outside of me where I can see it and look at it objectively and figure out how to help from the comfort of my own skin.  It is this *thing* that has always been present with me since birth.  And I can’t be who I really am unless I walk smack straight into this pain and just stand my ground within, until I am strong enough to be able to bear it without passing out.

It’s like trying to get emotionally strong enough to be capable of performing open heart surgery on yourself.  You obviously have to stay conscious and fully present the whole time along with great discipline and endurance to stomach some raw gory shit.

There’s a point where you have endured so much pain for so long with no let up or relief, that something else starts to take you over.  Something that transcends normal everyday existence.  It’s too much to hold onto and live with, and so your choices become to either die or to let go of things that really do not matter.

I think it’s also important to understand that this pain I live with, I was born with.  My mom said I suffered night terrors from birth.  I remember having dreams that were so real and lucid that I was traumatized by them over and over.  One dream I remember when I was six, was of being a girl of about the same age in a house that was on fire and the smoke and flames were getting into my room.  I was trying to get out but the doors and walls were too hot.  I was trapped and forced to my bed where I started to lose consciousness from not being able to breathe.

I became fully lucid during that dream which felt as real as real life, but I could also feel my current six year old body thrashing on my real bed and me screaming at myself to please wake up and even scratching at my eyes trying to force them open so that I could end the nightmare.

I have never really been able to talk about this ever present pain in me.  There are no words for what I experience inside.  I wish I could.  I want to.  Not for sympathy . . . not for pity.  Not for attention.  It’s this burning need to try and reach anyone else out there that is going through this same pain and have lost their own voices to express this indescribable *thing* that they live with every day and who nobody ever truly hears and who are never allowed to truly speak and who feel alone in life because of it . . . to say that I understand your pain and that you are not alone.

There is one thing that living with this pain does not do, and that is procure a desire to compete with other people about who hurts or suffers more.  My need, my desire to be heard is not one born out of selfishness and need for attention.  It is not to get my way or to excuse my behavior.

You know how sometimes a person will yell out when they’ve cut or hurt themselves unexpectedly before they get control of themselves?  That is the same need in me that pushes me to find a way to express it.  I don’t talk about my stuff to whine, never moving on with my life, I am driven to find words to say it, to share it.  And something about sharing it, heals something in me.  When it reaches someone who knows this same pain, it has the ability to help heal something in them too.

In fact, if I go too long not actively working on this and doing this, the pain becomes crippling in me to the point that I can barely function and then I have to start all over again to get back to the same point I was at before.  Just like Chiron where he was in pain but couldn’t heal it for good, but he also couldn’t die.  I have no choice but to deal with it in the manner that it needs to be dealt with.

If I had to put a name to what it is that pains me right here and right now, I would say that it is the same as the night terrors I had when I was a child where I am conscious and lucid both in the sleep state and in the awake state.

I am aware of my soul Awake state at the same time that I am aware of my sleep human state and my soul Awake state is thrashing around trying to wake up from this night terror that we are all living in and think is real.  It’s not.  This is exactly like a bad dream.  You have to shake yourself awake, it’s time to wake up!

Please remember who you really are.  Please remember your soul and who you were before you were born here and lost all of your memories.  Please shake off the amnesia.  Please become present and come more fully into your body.  Please drop all of the petty and trivial shit now and remember yourselves!

I don’t want to be alone in this anymore.  I need for you guys to start showing up.  Where are you?  Are you out there?  Anybody?

 

A Tale Of The Kitties And The Moon

Have you ever tried to get a cat (or any animal for that matter) to see or notice the moon in the sky?  It’s an exercise in futility.  They look at your finger, they look at the window, they may even look outside, but nothing you do can get them to see and comprehend this big white blob so plainly in the sky.  It is outside of their awareness and so to them it does not exist.

Even if they did look at it, they wouldn’t necessarily ponder it.  They wouldn’t think it was anything more than what it appeared to be.  It’s a flat light that moves across the sky.  A big fat so what?  Why are you making such a big deal out of something so ordinary?  Sometimes a flat light in the sky is just a flat light in the sky, it doesn’t always have to mean something deeper.

God, humans!  Making things so much more complex than they really are.  {kitty eye roll}

kitty rainbow

What would happen to little kitty’s head if he knew what it really was?  It would probably explode because it goes too far beyond his current comprehension.  He would have to slowly build up to that realization by starting off with something much more common and at his level.  He would have to be led slowly and patiently step by step to help his mind connect from where it is now, to where it needs to be in order for the Truth about that white light in the sky to make any kind of sense to him.

Really, his head wouldn’t explode.  He just wouldn’t believe it.  If he’s stubborn enough and not open to learning or is too afraid, he may even deny it and fight against that ideology to the end of his days.  Grumpy cat.  Hell, he might even start a war over it.  Little kitty sized tanks with little kitty sized helmets.  Setting catnip ambushes.

Catnip High

Or maybe he would tell anyone who believed differently than him, that they’re an idiot or gullible and would believe anything.  He might come to the wrong conclusion and then normalize it.  “It’s just a goddamn hole in the sky, and everybody needs to get over it!”  Maybe one day he gets curious and secretly starts investigating it and becomes one of the kitty conspiracy theorists who is weighing the alternative and less popular belief that the moon is made of cheese and is actually the Overlord of the mice who are waiting for the right time to rise up and take down the kitties.

people need me

Now imagine, as humans, watching all of this unfold.  Just sitting on the sidelines with our buckets of popcorn.  We know what it is.  We even *tried* to tell the kitties what it was.  But did they listen?  Noooo, they knew better.

Some of the kittens believe us.  They know.  They are still open to things greater and bigger than themselves and so they’re able to stretch their awareness and imagination wide enough to allow for the moon to be what it is and not try to make it less or different than what it is.  They think grown up kitties are just playing a big game and pretending to not know what the moon is.  Adult kitties are so silly and the kittens make promises to each other that they won’t be like that when they get older.

cat moon

How hard would it be for an adult kitty to convince one of us that the moon is only a flat light in the sky and nothing more?  How long would it take for the kitty to break down at our “stubbornness” and refusal to see it his way?  How long before he would start throwing insults like we’re just being close-minded and think we know it all?  Telling us we think we’re SOOOO special.  Telling us that nobody really knows the answer and therefore we’re all at the same level and playing field.  We’re all the same.  We’re all equal.  He knows just as much as us.

o.O

To us humans, the accusations and ranting wouldn’t even make sense.  You can’t argue it because it’s nothing to do with the reality of the situation.  A human baby is not any less than a human adult, but that doesn’t mean that you make the human baby apply to college and start a job right out of the womb for crying out loud.  They are not the same.  They are not equal no matter how much kitty wants them to be.  There is nothing wrong with not being equal.  That is not the fundamental issue, but how do you bridge that understanding between the humans and kitties?

Sophisticated kitty

So kitty takes our stunned ‘wtf silence’ as being right and goes around being all Superior Kitty and does a lot of meow-yodeling at the other kitties about how smart he is and how he knows better.  {human eye roll}

What if you were the only human in a community of adult kitties for your whole life?  Would it be harder for them to convince you about their perception of the moon?  Would it be harder or easier for you to see the moon for what it really was?

And let’s say you did have a spark of inspiration and you just knew . . . knew with all your heart and soul what the moon really was.  Maybe because you could sense the other humans on the sidelines watching all of this (because by this point in kitty kingdom, the kitties have gone so far off the path of Truth and are so wrapped up in their own way of seeing things that they can’t even SEE the humans anymore.  Too caught up in Kitty Drama).

jealous-cat-memes

The (now) unseen humans keep shouting out the answer, and it’s silently pinging the part in you that is human.  A part of you that you didn’t initially even know existed because the kitties never talked about this feeling you got.  So sometimes you go off to be by yourself away from the kitties so that you can become more aware of this other part of you and it’s from becoming more in-tuned with this part of you that you got this bigger understanding about the moon.

How hard would it be to even just hold onto that thought, feeling, and knowing inside of you as you went about your day to day activities fully immersed in kitty culture, and everything within it echoing their perception and understanding about the moon which was completely counter to how the other part of you knew it to be?

Day after day of hearing their way, their way, their way, their way.  Year after year.  And you don’t want to be alone . . . you love your kitty family and kitty friends and you want to connect to them, be a part of their community and life.  And so it becomes easier to pretend that it really is the way they say (even if it means to ignore the part of you that knows otherwise) because you just want to be close to them.  You just want to love them.  You just want them to know that they are loved no matter what they believe.

jesus cat

But they take their beliefs so seriously, that their ability to love is as limited as their beliefs in bigger things existing, and so they can only love in the same limited way.  If you want to feel love how they know it to be, you have to make yourself as small and limited as their beliefs allow them to see, otherwise you are invisible to them.  They start to not recognize you.  They do not believe in you.  You might as well not exist.  Just like the real Moon.

I think that would make it extra hard.  Your choice comes down to believing what isn’t real or true and them loving you and feeling like you belong, or remembering the truth and what is real and becoming invisible and being misheard and so misunderstood that you have no choice but to be alone.

But let’s step this scenario up a notch.

Let’s say that the sideline humans had an idea.  What if some of them decided to dress up like kitties and become a part of the kitty community and see if there was any way to learn the Way of the Kitty, and then try to speak the Truth to the kitties by using their own language?  The only issue is that in order to be totally convincing, you had to go through a process in which you forget that you’re not really a kitty.  It would be up to you to remember once you got fully immersed into the kitty community.  How would that look?  A human dressed as a kitty who doesn’t remember initially himself that he *isn’t* a kitty.  That sounds like the makings of a novel called, “How Kitty Ended Up In The Padded Room At the Loony Bin.”

cat dragon

How would other kitties see you and those other pseudo-kitties?  Would you be diagnosed with kitty disorders?  Would you be in kitty special education classes for sucking ass at catching mice and purring.  Would you be in trouble all of the time for disappointing your kitty parents and kitty teachers for being so difficult and stubborn?  Would you feel like a retarded kitten?  Would you feel alone?  Would you feel worthless?  Like you failed at being kitty?  Would you wonder why you were ever born at all?  Would life seem too hard and like you didn’t get it?

Would you be waiting for other kitties to see your true worth?  Would you be waiting for them to tell you that you’re not *really* a kitty, but a human pretending to be a kitty and that that’s why things don’t make sense to you.

funny-cats-decoration-live-disguised

No.  You came to help them see the Truth of the Moon.  You can’t do your job if you get hung up on not being loved and understood by them.  You have to learn how to stand on your own without validation, support, or recognition from the kitties or anything outside of you.  You’re there for something bigger than yourself.

You don’t have the time or luxury to get hung up on things that don’t really hold any value because they’re just illusions that the kitty imaginations got caught up in like a massive tangled ball of yarn.

kitty string

Don’t get caught up yourself in debating all of the kitty theories about the moon because that’s not what you’re there for.  Learn about them, yes, but don’t get caught up in them like they are the truth or real.  Never lose perspective.  Just learn about them and what they believe then learn how to align, or connect, or bridge what they believe to what is real and true.

Help build the steps between the two, but if you start to believe what they do, you may become just as stuck and limited as them.  And some of the kitties don’t want to see the Truth.  That’s none of your business.

wakup die

You’re only there to help the ones that are willing and wanting to.  Trying to convince the ones that don’t want to know the truth, is exactly the route and path to getting caught up in that ball of yarn yourself and forgetting why you’re there in the first place.

So if a kitty tries to convince you that there’s nothing special about the Moon, just remember within yourself that sometimes a flat light in the sky, is much more than just a flat light in the sky.

 snapping cats

On The Very Threshhold Of The Golden Age . . . Be Brave And Endure

Have you ever had to go without something that you needed?  And by needed, I mean something basic and standard like oxygen.

Have you ever had to go without food, or not know when you would get more?  Or Water?

When you have to go too long without something that you need in order to nourish and keep yourself alive, it can produce a state of fearfulness.  Mistrust.  Guardedness.

Whatever little you have, you hide and guard with all you have.

That’s more of a physical example, an animal survival instinct.

But we’re more than physical beings.  We have basic needs that go beyond oxygen, food, water, & shelter.

Our Spirit needs . . . Spiritual need . . . is love.

When we are forced to go without love, we respond in the same manner emotionally as if we were low on food and water.

Because we’re at the end of a cycle, the love we were given from source at the beginning of the cycle has run very low.

The Kali Yuga period is the darkest part of the cycle, exactly because of this.  We’re running low on love . . . light from source.

It’s easy for the dark smoke entity to hide and cover up whatever love is left, and make us believe that it is all gone . . . leaving chaos and destruction in it’s wake.

But what is really interesting about the big cycle, is that it starts with the golden age . . . slowly decreases into darkness over thousands of years . . . until we hit the period we’ve been in.  But instead of it slowly increasing and reversing in the same speed that it declined . . . we suddenly jump from the darkest period of the cycle, back into the golden age.

Why?  Why does it do that?

Because the grand cycle, is a process of receiving our nourishment from the source that has to last us for the next cycle.  They talk about manna from heaven in the bible, and how the people survived off of this stuff for a long time.  Source pulses out a burst of light/love/consciousness/awareness once every grand cycle.

By the end of the cycle, we are dragging our mother fucking knuckles on the ground about ready to give up completely.  We are being mean, rotten, selfish, ignorant, etc.  We are in survival mode.  We are responding exactly as people who are starving to death . . . and we are . . . our love fuel tank is on E.

If you’ve ever suffered starvation or nutrient deficiency, you will know that you can’t think straight . . . everything is confusing and doesn’t make much sense.  You don’t make the smartest decisions.  Why do you think people associate being poor as being ignorant?

Humanity is not evil . . . it’s simply starving for love, or the energy sent to us from source every grand cycle.

Forgive them for they know not what they do.

The world religions, while yes some have turned into power plays and political disasters, initially were meant to help people keep faith when things started to darken.  As the ages progress, and the light/love source we were provided for the long haul starts to grow thinner and thinner . . . things start to get a little tough.

People start getting grumpier and grumpier.  More defensive.  More divided.  Less trusting of each other.  More isolated and separated.  Then the dark smoke entity starts to rub it’s hands together in glee because it becomes easier and easier to trick people when they become low in love.

We go through a period where we believe that our “God” has forsaken us.  Where is he?  Where did he go?

So there is a period of many generations, where you are just going strictly off of collective memories, stories, faith, and belief regarding this loving entity.  A prophecy of his return.

His return, is when the grand cycle is complete, and it’s time to refill all of our reserves with the light/love from source.  And it comes all at once.  The golden love energy.  The Golden Age.  The Great Awakening.

Why is it the Great Awakening?  Because we are so starved, we are spiritually weak and when you’re spiritually weak . . . you forget.  The more starved you become, the more you forget and fall into darkness.

Inspirational things are what we use to try and keep the Spirit alive through the darkest times.  Singing, dancing, making merry, happiness, joy, love . . . we keep the traditions and rituals going for as long as possible in order to carry some of the light/love from source through our darkest times.  Until one day they end.  Because we’ve run all out of that spiritual substance that we NEED.

There are many monasteries, etc. whose soul purpose is to hold that love and light in remote parts of the world in order to keep all of us from plunging completely into darkness.  Who in the darkest times start to become mocked and disrespected.  But who keep doing it anyways, because they know it’s important.  That is faith.

But we also keep a small spark of that energy deep within ourselves . . . that we guard with all that we have because it’s the only thing that keeps us from dying.

Which brings us to now.  We are at the teeter totter end of the cycle.  The very darkest before the light.  Were we are all feeling isolated and alone because we’re forced to in order to protect that last bit of spark love inside of us.  Scared.  Defensive.  Trying to not lose hope.  Trying to keep the faith in Love.  Faith in Light’s return.

Just like we do in winter . . . hoping that spring and life comes back to us.  It’s exactly the same thing . . . the micro within the macro.  In the Grand Cycle, we are at the precipice of Spring.  We are all holding our breaths for the Event.  Hoping, praying, that the Light returns to us.  That we haven’t been forgotten.  That something didn’t happen during the thousands of years since our last renewal, that will prevent the light from getting to us.

I’m here to tell you, that we have not been forgotten.  The Light is on its way even as we speak, and it cannot be stopped.

It’s okay to let go of your fear and doubts.  I know you’re tired and worn to the bone . . . but give it one more chance.

The energy is already beginning to reach us, and like flowers . . . we have to be willing to open in order to receive the sunshine in order to be fed.

You’ve been tight in fear in order to protect your last spark of love, the same as a hungry person guards the last scrap of food they have.

But it’s okay to let go now.  If you can find the strength and courage in yourself to trust . . . just one more time . . . and open your heart and feel your love . . . push past fears and doubts that will try to pull on you . . . you will be able to feel the beginnings of the Light returning for the Golden Age.

If you’re still enough . . . you’ll feel it start to fill your personal reservoirs again.  Right now is not about convincing others about this . . . it’s about getting yourselves filled up and strong.

You don’t need to worry about others anymore.  I know some of you who have had some extra love energy have been using it to keep others who have been losing theirs . . . but you don’t need to do that anymore.  It’s going to be okay now.  The renewal has started . . . so those who are the most sensitive will be able to pick up and benefit from it right now.  The rest will follow.

The Legions of Light are arriving.  You can let go of the fear and worry that nags at you subconsciously.

funny-turtle-sea-white-zoo-water

 

 

 

Compassion And The Coming Sickness

I had a series of dreams a little over a year ago that were pointing to something that would start happening down the road.  They keep coming to my awareness, so I feel like maybe now is the time to share them.  They’re fairly short, simple, and to the point.

One was people coming down with a sickness that was referred to as “Scarlet Fever”.  However, it wasn’t anything to do with the thing we already know as Scarlet Fever.  It was more to do with the color of red.  It wasn’t very pleasant to go through.  I was going from person to person who was struck with it, and comforting them.  I was letting them know that I knew how horrible it felt, but that it doesn’t last long.  Just endure it a short time, and then it will be over.

In another dream I had walked into a remote temple (I want to say Buddhist?).  It was very ancient.  It was dedicated to Quan Yin.  I was inside and had walked up to the main statue of Quan Yin.  All around me, people were falling sick and throwing up.  In that dream it was made clear to me, that Compassion was the key to surviving and getting through this illness.  Opening your heart.

In the final dream, I was at work.  Everyone had been getting steadily weaker and ill, and yet still tried to continue everything as if nothing was going on.  People were laying down all over the place from weakness and sickness.  I was so frustrated that everyone was so much more focused on keeping business going as usual instead of taking care of themselves.  That they were missing the point to change and start leaning towards focusing on what is truly important in life instead of continuing to focus on things that really don’t matter.

In summary, the illness and sickness stems from Spirit.  Yes, it comes in the form of things like flu/colds and whatever other countless things we want to call it . . . but the purpose or point is a kind of purification.  The more you try to hold onto things that aren’t real or true in the heart/spiritual nature, the more ill you are going to become.

Not as punishment, but because it’s time to let go of the untruths and illusions that we hold onto.  You can do it consciously, or you can let the sickness do it for you.  In either case, it is important that you go inward and reconnect to your heart and to what you know is true and real there.

Quan Yin 1

 

Keep Going . . . You Don’t Want To Miss This

There is a dream I had back in October that has been tapping me on my shoulder a lot the last couple of weeks.  When I turn around to yell, “What?!” it just stands there and stares at me.  It doesn’t say anything (because that would be weird), but I do get a feeling of please share me.  Then I feel the sum of what is happening on Earth at this time . . . I hear the words that were said at the end of the dream.  Then I feel what can only be described as hearing/feeling a collective prayer . . . a plea . . . and I see in my mind’s eye a sea of faces crying . . . frustrated . . . confused.  All of them so scared inside . . . unsure.

It all feels so big.  Sharing my dream feels so small.

But then I think of all of the times I was in a really bad place in my life . . . and how I’d search the internet trying to find something . . . anything . . . to let me know that I would be okay.  To inspire me to keep trying and keep going.  Often the places I would find the most valuable thing to me, would be some obscure blog post.  Just someone ranting or sharing something about themselves.  Maybe someone just being raw and real with no apologies.  Maybe someone just openly sharing their own fears or heartaches.  Those things would touch me so much that it would cut through my cold and have me sobbing with my whole body.  Those people saved my life and sanity on numerous occasions.

The countless anonymous people who have helped me with their words, will probably never have any idea what they did for me.  I wish I could have told them.  But the thing about being in a deep dark hole, is that you’re unable to gather enough strength to even click a *like* button . . . let alone shout your gratitude to the surface.

For those of you who are stuck down in that deep well . . . it’s for you that I write.  I got lost in my writing groove because I was unconsciously addressing the haters from my past who haunt me, and I was trying to prove myself to them . . . or help them understand me.  That’s not what I want.

The path that has lead me to this moment has been incredible.  It has been spent living in the valley of the shadow of death and chaos.  It has been spent without a voice of my own.

Slowly and surely I have been finding my voice.  Finding the courage to say the things I know inside of me.  And those things aren’t meant for those who would tear me down or try to hold me under water.  They aren’t meant for those who insist on seeing me as anything less than I am.  They are not meant for those who are bent on being offended instead of seeing the innocence in my words.

They are meant for others like me.  They are meant for the ones who have lost themselves.  They are meant for the ones who have lost their own voices.  They are meant for the ones who have been unfairly made to feel like they are worth anything less than they are.  Anyone who has felt unloved and unwanted by life.  They are meant for the ones looking for a light of hope.  The ones looking for a reason to keep going . . . to keep trying.

So yes . . . the feeling I felt when recalling my dream from last October felt big . . . and sharing the dream seems so small in comparison.  But not when I really think about my reasons for wanting to write and share.  Not when it might possibly reach the eyes of that one person who is desperately searching the internet to find something . . . anything . . . to help them not sink deeper into the darkness.  From that perspective, it becomes as big as my feeling of the collective who is crying out for help.

So when the dream tapped me on the shoulder this morning, I said, “Okay.  I will share it.”

This is from my dream journal dated Oct. 14, 2013:

I was in an ethereal type place.  I dreamt that a bunch of monkeys came in the house I was in.  One ran up to me.  When I went to pick him up, he was actually a little boy.  His left eye was a milky white, but not quite all of it.

He said his name was Tommy.  I said my name was Jennifer.  When I said it, the boy looked at some others there, and they nodded their head as if to say just go along with it.  They also said something about me being booked up for months out.  I said if I am, then why am I still working (referring to my current job).  I just got more confused looks like it had nothing to do with what they were talking about. 

So I started talking with the boy.  I told him that his eye was pretty cool.  He said that he was trying to make it so I would see it (trying to bring attention to it).  He very openly said that it was from trying to commit suicide.  Something about trying to eat cupboard food.

I kept looking him in the eyes, and doing a focused zoomed in thing that seemed to make the moment more surreal.  In that moment, the dream became more real than real life.  “Vivid” and “lucid” aspire to be that clear and present.

I said, “There is something special happening on Earth right now.  I know it’s hard, but you don’t want to miss it.”

We were walking along, and there was one other person walking with us.  Something interrupted us.  Then I found myself repeating to him, “There is something special happening on Earth.” 

The emphasizes in the dream was the message.  The boy who tried to commit suicide  . . . and me trying to strongly impress in him that I knew how hard it was . . . but he needed to trust me when I said that he did not want to miss it.  When I was talking with him . . . I felt so deeply in me . . . “don’t give up . . . hold on a little longer . . . this is something you really want . . . have faith and hold on a little longer . . . it’s going to be okay.”

I was aware of all of my own pain and struggle in my current life . . . I knew personally how hard it was.  But even bigger in feeling, was the understanding of what was really happening in the background.  That what was currently in the process of unfolding on Earth made all of the pain and struggle so small and powerless in comparison.  And strangely . . . there was even a moment of all of us knowing that we would all be struggling at this point in the process . . . and that we would need a nudge or reminder to keep going.

You can do it.  Keep going.

The sky filled with love.

The sky filled with love.

The Tale of Those *With* and *Without*

Once upon a time there was a world where a person’s awareness and focus was the sole currency.  Their *attention*.

And in this world, there were those who knew how to tap into their own internal source in order to have plenty of *attention* to spend on whatever they felt was most important and valuable.  Whatever they spent it on, gave it life.  They were allowed to spend their resource in any way they wished.

And also in this world, there were others who did not yet know how to tap into their own internal source.  They were dependent on the *attention* of those who did have their own internal source.

The ones *with* the resources, held a great responsibility in caring for those *without* the resource.  They also held the responsibility in teaching and preparing those *without*, how to one day become one of those *with*.

A simple system was used.

When those *without* behaved in a way that was aligned with those *with*, they were rewarded with *attention*.  If they then chose to spend that *attention* wisely, it would bring them closer to the next level of their development, and ever closer to becoming one of those *with*.

Becoming one of those *with*, granted a person the much coveted freedom of no longer being dependent on others, as well as no longer having to do what others said for your survival.  But with it also came the shared burden of responsibility for those *without*.

The road going from *without* to *with* was a long one.  Along the path, a person *without* had to learn many things such as discipline, strength, courage, patience, humility, kindness, love, and integrity.

They had to learn faith and perseverance, even when their journey became strewn with obstacles and nothing made sense.

They had to learn how to trust that those *with* could see the bigger picture having made the journey themselves . . . even if it seemed that they were being unfair or unjust.  Those *without* didn’t have to like it, but they needed to learn to respect it.

There were many, many things to learn and understand along the way.  Those who were eager, open, & genuine were able to move through the process quickly.  Those who were stubborn, prideful, & impatient . . . took a little longer to get through.

Each ultimately had the same tasks to learn, because every.single.one was necessary in order to even become capable of becoming a person *with*.  But to allow for each person’s individuality, they were allowed to choose for themselves the way in which they went about learning it.

They were also allowed to go at the pace that best suited them, with the understanding that there was a deadline for each cycle.  When this time came, each would be given a personalized final exam that they would have to pass in order to graduate and become a person *with*.  If a person did not pass, they would have to be held back and continue their education.

Things worked well at the beginning of the cycle because there was plenty of time, and everyone felt at ease to be their own person without any threat.

But as it neared the end of the cycle, and the looming final exams that would be the deciding factor on who would graduate and become the ones *with* and who would need to continue as ones *without* . . . those who had been goofing off and spending their *attention* unwisely. . . started to panic and become desperate.

Because of their deficiency in *attention* from not aligning themselves in the given time with the ones who were *with*, they were low in awareness and in the dark about what was happening.

Some used the fear as an opportunity to get back on their path.  But many instead tried to use what *attention* they had, to lie, trick, and steal *attention* and awareness from other students who had been learning their lessons diligently all along and had quite a bit of *attention*.

It seemed unfair to the ones in the dark, that others should have more *awareness* than them.  Because of their own lack of awareness, they were unable to see very far below the surface of outer appearances.  If they could’ve, they would’ve become aware of just how much *attention* the others had invested in themselves and their journey, and that although it looked like it was just handed to them . . . they had truly earned it.

And it seemed unfair to the ones who had put in all of the hard work and effort, that they should be forced to suffer such fools as those in the dark who had had the same opportunities as them, but wasted them.

But before they can graduate and become a person *with*, they have to learn how to shoulder the burden of responsibility for teaching and preparing the people *without*.

The Golden Gate

This post is probably long overdue and will be including some examples of my ghetto drawing abilities.

It’s actually related to an email that I sent a friend in an attempt to translate TBs (terabytes) of energetic information I was receiving at the end of September, into something that was less . . . wordy.  However, my visual art skills are lacking.  As in, I will wonder what is wrong with you if you *aren’t* laughing at them.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I’m very aware of the “unseen” world.  I lump all of what I sense, see, feel under a general umbrella of energetics.  There needs to be a whole new vocabulary added to our language for what is going on . . . but for now, people tend to get the gist of what I’m referring to if I just call all of it energetics.

There is a LOT going on in that arena the last few years.  There’s a lot going on inside of us that goes beyond our understanding of what we grew up with or what we were taught when we were younger.  We’re all heading into uncharted waters.  Well . . . that’s not exactly true . . . the information was passed down over thousands of years, but it’s all encrypted in symbols and stories.  I’d prefer something that said “Step 1: Don’t forget to breathe.  Step 2: . . . ” but nope.

But it’s okay . . . because the whole point of the changes we’re going through as a collective at the moment, is to feel out our own (*new*) way.  It’s a process of moving from depending on outside authority, to trusting and understanding our own inner authority.  Your very own self-regulated moral compass.  Imagine not having to have others tell you what is best for you or what you should be doing?  Imagine knowing and feeling that out for yourself.  And imagine that, as it becomes standard practice for everyone to be tuned into their own hearts, that everything harmoniously works out because it’s tuning into the natural rhythm of the universe.  That’s where we’re headed.

But one step at a time.  First, I’ll start by getting my feet wet in my initial attempt at communicating an abstract concept related to the changes many are beginning to experience right now.  For what it’s worth, any information I share is from personal experiences of taking those concepts I’ve received either through dreams, energetics, or what others have shared and applying them directly to my very own day to day life and working out the kinks by trial and error.  It is from my very own knowing and understanding through living it, and not just repeating things I’ve read in books or online.

Today, what I wish to share, is a shift or process within ourselves that goes from living a life from the viewpoint of “mini me”, to living life from the viewpoint of your Larger Self.  From small you to “Big Girl”/”Big Boy” You.  And although I have this under the umbrella of energetics, it is also a very physical process.  It is very real.

I’m not expecting you to immediately understand what I mean when I say things like “flowing through your core” or  “divine energy”.  I have come up with my own words or labels to try and describe things.  It’s not a situation in which it is something everyone else knows or understands except you. There’s a simple solution for picking up what it is that *you* specifically need to get out of this, which is to not hold on too tightly to my verbiage.  Let it be fluid.  Focus on what it *feels* like for you.  Don’t worry so much on what I may have meant . . . so much as how it feels and corresponds to what you feel inside of you.  Use this as a stepping stone to begin the connection and a whole new relationship and understanding of yourSelf.

I’ve referred to this process as “Getting to Larger Than Life” and even once as “The Adult Children’s Guide to Being Avatar Awesome!”, but it could just as easily be called “Getting Out of Your Own Way and Opening Up to Life Furreals” or “Letting the Sunshine In”.

I’d like to introduce you to George.  He will be our run of the mill basic human body that I will be using as a model.  Minus the arms and legs.  And everything else.  Except the head and torso.

George Basic Body

George has reached a point in his existence where he’s starting to reconnect back to *home*.  He’s starting to feel things again that he hasn’t felt since he was a child.  Awareness outside of ordinary day to day things has begun to expand.  The feeling that there is something more . . . something bigger.  OR maybe George is just trying to figure out why he’s become sick all of the time.  Exhausted, headaches, congested, stomach cramping, insomnia, etc. and the overall feeling like life has become such a huge challenge and things just aren’t like they used to be.

Unseen or energetically, there is an influx of energy coming from “above” and moving into us through our head.  Imagine a large cylinder or pipe inserted at the top of your head and going through your whole center body.

George With Downward flowThe energy coming in, is gold in nature.  I call it divine energy because that’s how it feels to me.  It can feel big and intense, especially if you’re tensed/resisting/blocking it.  One way to know if this is happening, is when you become ill in any way.  Blockages and resistance can happen when we try to run or avoid ourselves or the things we know we need to face.  These become emphasized when things such as colds or flus go through and pushes our body’s limits.  If you’re open and unblocked enough, you may not even know it was ever there.

Btw, I’m greatly simplifying here on purpose.  I’m only highlighting or calling out one area that is an integrated part of a much larger process going on.  So, I’m oversimplifying so as to not overwhelm, but (obviously) this isn’t all that there is.

When you do block any area going through your core, it tends to stop/block/restrict the flow.  You can gain a lot of information depending on what is hurting or having trouble in your body.  And you can always trace those injuries/illnesses to thoughts, beliefs, understanding, or social conditioning.  If you think you can’t, then you’ve hit a blind spot within yourself, and is most likely an understanding that you’ve had in life since you were a child and it hasn’t occurred to you yet to question whether it still holds true for you, i.e. social conditioning.

Ironically, you often need someone from outside of yourself to help you see these.  My rule of thumb in the past has been that if I hear 3 or more people independently accuse me or saying a similar thing about me . . . I might want to swallow my pride and start looking into the possibility of it being true.

While the blockages can happen anywhere along the path through our center, I’m going to focus and illustrate the blockage in our solar plexus.  Our personal power.  Because this is where we are generally stuck as a collective.  (In general) We give our power away.  We depend on authority outside of ourselves.  When things happen that we don’t understand, and/or our outer authority has kept us in the dark or doesn’t seem to know what the hell they’re doing either . . . we tend to become afraid, and we move into survival mode.

When we become afraid, we instinctively tighten our stomachs in defense . . . to brace and protect ourselves.  When this becomes a standard way of being . . . we cut off from our lower half by tightening more and more.  We lose our ability to relax.  To enjoy the things we used to enjoy.  We begin to lose our ability to feel safe, loved, warm, and secure (as well as giving those things to others).  We start to become defensive.  We stop trusting in life, in others, and in ourselves.  We lose confidence.  Life loses its warm glow.  Things feel cold, grey, and lonely.

So when we have that gold energy trying to come in through the top of our heads (often times feeling like actual pressure moving through our body), and makes its way through the core . . . and hits the solar plexus area that is tightened from so much fear . . . it starts to pool up.  You may start to feel good, or experience things you haven’t experienced before . . . but the potential you have with this gold energy will remain very limited while you are still holding your body in fear or trying to defend yourself from things that scare you.

George Blocked FlowIn this picture, you can see that as the energy tries to get in . . . it starts to slow down as it funnels into the ever increasing blocked/closed/tightened area.  And here is the #1 reason I harp on people about being Real with yourselves.  You can think you *are* being honest with yourself ALLLL you want . . . but if you aren’t really, truly being honest with yourself, this area . . . this gate . . . will.not.open.  If you do not humble yourself, get past your pride, forgive, have compassion . . . it will.not.open.

If you look closely at this image, there is a golden wheel above the “hourglass” block.  (Btw, for anyone who studies esoterics . . . take a good look at the red symbols and you will find a gold mine of information regarding what is going on here.)  That golden wheel represents the most you can become or shine while you are blocked or in fear.  It is the limited you.  It is the smaller you.  It feels okay.  But it’s also frustrating as fuck.  Because somewhere inside of you, you KNOW you can be much more than you are.

And even the okay feeling won’t last for long, because it cannot stay there.  It’s like a baby being stuck in the birth canal.  If it doesn’t come all of the way out, the baby can’t sit there and grow into a full adult within the birth canal.  The choices become, coming all of the way out and being born, or going back where it came from and leaving (dying).  So if you have this block, and you don’t put in the hard labor needed to open it (being honest with self, healing, forgiving, stop trying to control everything) then the gold energy will be forced to retreat and leave.

It can even be seen as “spirit”.  If you let your spirit die . . . this is what is happening.  The gold/divine energy has to retreat until you *are* ready to put in the necessary work.  It’s not about punishing the sinners or even karma as people understand it.  It’s about getting over yourself.  You can blame and fault anyone and anything else you want, all day long . . . that’s your right.  But the truth . . . the reality . . . is that in the end, it’s YOU that holds you back.

Now, as I’ve said in other posts/comments, it’s not that I’m saying what happens to us in our lives is fair.  When a young child is abused, causing them to shut down their power center or gate at a very young age . . . it *isn’t* fair that it’s still up to them to put in the hard work to heal and overcome the hurt in them.  To me that is the TRUE tragedy of child abuse.  The initial abuse isn’t nearly as devastating to an individual, as the realization and resulting process they have to go through in order to overcome it.  It’s either that, or live an entire life of misery and suffering.

So when I say to people to please be open and honest about what is really going on inside of you.  This.is.why.  Because this is the gateway within you to freedom.  Freedom from your customized, self-imposed prison.  This is where the Phoenix dies and is reborn.  This is where you leave the life of victimhood, powerlessness, illness, and pain behind . . . and begin living a life of grace . . . joy . . . and happiness.  This is where you get to shine and BE everything you came here to be.  It’s where miracles happen.  Magic.  Synchronicity.  All of these things begin to increase when you are heading in the right direction, because you are beginning to move through this gate.

When you send a prayer . . . it’s through this core.  When you receive a response . . . it also comes through this core.  If you are closed tight due to extreme fear, worry, judgment, etc. . . . it CAN’T get through into this world.  You are your own judge.  And how you judge others, is how you judge yourself.  And your judgment and perception of the world is held like a library within your physical body.  And over long periods of time it can result in illnesses, leading eventually to death.

You are not powerless.  You HAVE a choice.  It’s not an easy one.  It’s not for everyone.  But it IS there should you decide that you want to try another way.  It takes a lot of courage, honesty, faith, trust, patience.  It requires that you slow down and pay attention to what the fuck is going on around you.  It requires that you re-evaluate your beliefs and understandings.  It requires you to let go of everything you thought you knew and understand about yourself and life.  It requires that you find the courage to change and do things another way.  It may result in losing contact with lifelong friends, and even family.  It means turning your life upside down.

The doorway to peace . . . heaven . . . freedom . . . is located on the other side of hell.  You have to walk through the dark, in order to reach the True Light.  I cannot put it any simpler than that.

I know, because I went there.  I personally did it.  I reached it.  And I could have stayed in that place, the place within myself of eternal peace, joy, and love.  Nobody would have faulted me for staying in that space.  But that’s not why I came to Earth.  That’s not the role I chose.

I consciously made the decision in the summer/autumn of 2012, to come back from the other side of that gate.  I had found home . . . I found the golden land, while still incarnated in a body.  I had found peace within.  I got to experience what it felt like to live in a constant state of grace for a couple of months.

Since then I’ve gone back and forth across the gate . . . from a state of remembering to forgetting over and over . . . in order to understand it enough to begin communicating and sharing the information I have gathered with others.

It’s tricky because it is a unique journey for each individual.  Each person has their own unique perception and filters to how they experience and know life.  There truly is no “one” way to get there.  But I do understand that we can each get there, by just being true to ourselves.  Being you . . . the real you . . . IS your map and compass.  I can help shine light on things, and I can wear a path between here and there to try and make it MUCH easier for you than it was for me and others.  But the actual walking of your path, is completely your choice and your responsibility.

When you’ve reached a point of opening, where you’ve learned to let go of the past and forgive yourself and others for whatever has happened, where you’ve learned how to be at peace with what is and not trying to make things how you think they are supposed to be, when you’ve come to peace with yourself and your life, furreals . . . not just pretending, really wishing you were, or for show . . . and have begun to learn true humility

. . . a magnificent shift begins to happen within you as this gate . . . as the lotus blossom within you begins to open.  It will feel like an actual unfolding and opening is happening within your lower body.  You will begin to feel such relief within yourself.  You’ll begin to understand and know intrinsically that everything is going to be alright . . . that you can let go of trying to control everything and everyone around you.  It will feel like you are taking your very first breath of fresh air.  You will not be able to stop yourself from feeling an immense welling of gratitude and love for all of it . . . everything . . . both in your personal life as well as the whole thing called life in general.  Things will begin to clear . . . you’ll start to understand things that never made sense before.  You’ll start to remember things you never knew you forgot.

I could go on and on.  There is no way to oversell it.  But you cannot reach it by forcing it into being or trying to pretend you’re there.  It just is.  It’s the reconciliation of duality and yet those things don’t go away.  You just learn what is needed and being asked for (and it can be anywhere on the map of polarity) in any given moment without effort, struggle, or judgment.

It is the most natural way of being there is.  All you’re really trying to do is remember your way back.

When that begins to happen (and it’s not necessarily linear . . . usually you’ll start popping in and out of it before you enter it fully and more permanently . . . like the tides coming in or when you’re bobbing up and down in the water), and the gold energy starts to be able to move all of the way through you uninhibited, then . . . that little golden wheel that was getting stuck in the birth canal, is able to be birthed into this physical world and expand and shine without limit.

The sun within (the solar plexus . . . and indeed it is our energetic gateway connection to our actual solar sun) is able to shine through us . . . we become the Sun.

George With Sunburst

Okay . . . so my solar plexus circle is showing a little high.  Eh. {shrug}  When you are in this state of being, your sense of being becomes huge.  You feel really big and open . . . and yet fully protected.  You have no need to prove anything.  You aren’t defensive.  You aren’t scared, in fact you feel calm and cared for.  You feel so much love coursing through every fiber of your being . . . that your “cup spilleth over” . . . you can’t help but let that golden energy spill out into the world around you without even doing anything.  It’s a force of nature all on its own.  The larger you shine, the more people that benefit just from being in its presence.  I want to say your presence . . . but it’s so much more than that.  It is A Presence.  You can’t help but LOVE the freaking bejeezers out of every single individual you come across . . . and feel such gratitude towards them for just EXISTING.

It’s the most beautiful way to experience life imaginable.  It’s everything a person ever wanted and more.  The ONLY thing I personally wanted more . . . was to somehow be able to give that experience to everyone else.  That’s my motive.  My hidden agenda.  I don’t want to be there alone.  I want every single one of you mother fuckers there with me.

So I’m not here to judge.  I don’t care what you’ve done.  I only care in the sense that it snags you up and prevents you from reaching personal genuine happiness and joy in life.  When I’m being blunt with people, it’s not because I’m unfeeling and insensitive (and so what if I am), it’s because I’m too aware of how small potatoes it is compared to what is waiting for you on just the other side of that door.  It’s more like . . . yeah, yeah, move it along . . . so we can get to the fucking pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  Put down that nasty jar of black tar shit you’ve been carrying around, pretending that’s who you are, and let’s get moving to the jars of pure golden honey that await you.  Seriously.

It’s Going To Be Okay

There’s a lot going on in the world at the moment.  There’s a lot going on in individuals at the moment.

There’s been a sharp increase in the last few weeks of people experiencing their first anxiety attacks.  During this same time period there has been a sharp increase in people having vivid/lucid dreams . . . who normally never remember their dreams at all.

Many of the dreams point towards an event that is coming.

The discussions surrounding the event are typically met with disbelief, fear, relief (bring it!), or an onslaught of bible verses.

I have had lucid dreams pointing towards this time my entire life.  I have also had a lifelong issue with generalized anxiety.  Maybe there’s a correlation.  : )

To those who are experiencing these things for the first time, please know that you’re not alone.  And please know, that it’s going to be okay.

Please know that there are many of us surrounding you in your everyday lives, who have been going through this for some time . . . and we know how to help during this difficult time.

First and foremost . . . b r e a t h e.

When you feel like things are beginning to overwhelm you . . . stop whatever you’re doing . . . close your eyes . . . let everything go . . .  and slow yourself down enough to be able to take at least one full breath all of the way in as deep as you need to in order to feel like it was a deeply satisfying breath.

It may take a few times, but keep trying and slowing down your internal rhythm until you get that one breath in.

Secondly, don’t be afraid to open up to others and talk about what’s bothering you.  You may be surprised to find that others are having the same concerns and fears, and feeling alone in it too.  Anxiety is heightened when you feel alone in your situation.

To those who have already been dealing with these feelings for years . . . I kindly request that you start letting yourselves be known so that others know where to turn for guidance.  This is the time, and this was the reason for you going through all you did ahead of time.  You are greatly needed right now.

Remember how scared you were . . . confused . . . lost . . . alone.  And have mercy on those starting to experience these things.  Be present with them and their fear.  See them.  Let them know it’s okay.  Hug them.

There is one thing I know and see with all of my heart.  And that is, when the moment of truth comes, and we’re all faced with our physical mortality . . . is when we will all truly show ourselves and see each other for the first time.  We will understand and know within our whole being at a depth previously unimagined, how much we truly love each other.  How much we truly love everyone.  How much everyone truly loves us.

And it’s going to be okay.

Warm Colored Sky