A Side Less Seen

Typically I only show or share my more upbeat and optimistic self, or sometimes my angry I’m not going to take anymore garbage self.  It’s for good reason that I don’t typically share the side of me that I do in this video, but I don’t want to hide her anymore because she’s a gigantic part of me.  I usually disappear from public view when this part of me is on the surface, but that makes me feel alone, so I’m going to try a different way.  I’m going to share her with you too.

I have always felt this deep hurt and sorrow in me, and it gets worse as the conditions on Earth get worse.  It’s always been present in me.  It’s not depression, I’ve had that . . . that is another animal completely.  I have found that I go into depression when I don’t acknowledge this other deeper part of me.  I also feel that it is an appropriate feeling and response to what is going on everywhere.  Sure, I could numb or block it all out, but that would numb and block out my joy as well.

Also, while I’m always feeling it in me, it isn’t always quite so close to the surface.  But when it does well up, I’ve learned to move out of the way and let it happen.

So here’s another video.  And on it I mention my son coming over, but plans got cancelled, which is alright.  I stopped at the craft store earlier and have origami and coloring books to keep me having fun.  Oh!  And I also got to pick up my flute from the music shop today since the repairs were done.  So all is well.  🙂

Comments

  1. Jenni,
    i hear you . many a time you share so much positive things and this time i also see that u have shared ur emotional thoughts .
    sad things which is disturbing u .
    it really takes courage to share that on video. but u did manage to .
    i was so closely listening and feeling every bit of emotion that u were sharing .
    nepal tragedy was terrible . mother earth is angry may be ..
    i see the news where people are suffering without proper medical facility. even though few rescue operations are performed , it still is insufficient .

    Liked by 1 person

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