Jenn Talks Her Ever Loving Head Off

I’m waiting for my latest video to finish uploading/processing so I can link it here and then get to bed.  I’m determined to keep this momentum train running!  I finally had to break down and figure out how to do the actual recorder on my webcam on my laptop vs the one you can directly do from youtube, because I got tired of it disconnecting randomly which then made me nervous I was going to do a bunch of recording and then lose it all again.  So once I took care of that and wasn’t running into issues with the recording, I ended up talking for an hour!  O.O

It went by so fast!  Anyways, I go all over the map, but it’s also all connected.  I bring up some things in a book I read, and I only really bring up one line in it, but there’s still a ton more equally fascinating things in the book, so it is possible that it will be the topic of other videos in the future.  The main point for me at this moment, is just that I keep doing the videos and/or posts.  This is a sticky part of the ‘overcoming fear’ process for me.  This is where I either make incredible progress or I start sliding backwards, and fuck that.

Comments

  1. Jenni,
    i love the concept of Vlog . i love to read what u blog and listen to what you got to say in video. u know why ? because u are so expressive and each team i see your blog i wish i can share my heart out with you

    Like

    • What a beautiful and open-hearted thing to say, thank you. You seem to be pretty expressive yourself. 🙂 You share what you are feeling so much more openly than I am accustomed to people doing. You wear your heart on your sleeve, which must be challenging for you in the world we live in.

      May I know your real first name? Names are important to me. I feel very pulled to know and use people’s names when I’m speaking with them. I am finding that I am wanting to call you by your real name and not your user name when in communication with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks Jenni ( i hope i can call u as Jenni..it makes me feel u r my close friend)
        i’m Supreet . i closesly listen to every small bit you share in the blog . i also liked when u spoke about ur fondness towards ancient techniques,science and history ..
        i have saved your 2 videos , just to listen to it when i feel like .

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hi Supreet! I love your name, I haven’t heard it before. I hope I’m pronouncing it correctly in my head. 🙂 What is your name’s meaning? It has a wonderfully strong and vibrant vibration that goes with it, so I am intrigued about what it means.

          It’s actually kind of funny that you call me Jenni, as previously only my family has dared or gotten away with calling me that. But it seemed to come so naturally to you to choose that form of my name, that I found that I didn’t mind, so yes it is okay for you to use it.

          I’m curious to better understand what it is in you that is responding so strongly to what I share, or why it is responding so strongly. It feels like maybe it is hitting upon an older and deeper part of yourself that wants to surface or be remembered. It isn’t just about me that you are responding to, but something within you that is shaken awake from resonance in response to my vibration. So focusing solely on me or it being me, misses something important that is actually taking place in you. I don’t want you to miss that or mistake it as only having to do with me.

          You mentioned about me talking about ancient things . . . so let’s start there. What is that pulling on in you?

          Liked by 1 person

          • Jenni,
            1st thing. meaning of my Name : Su->Good , Preet->Love i hope my name send a positive vibe to you when u communicate with me 🙂
            well to be honest im always self motivated person .
            when i listen to your words , i feel you will listen to my emotions … thats the kind of feeling i get when i read or listen to ur blogs. not just mine but i feel whenever someone , friend or a family person talks to you, you show the involvement in knowing about them understanding them, showing empathy . this is so good quality you have .
            we had a few conversation earlier too 🙂

            hmm yeah having said that, i’m a kind of person who have been interacting with various kind of people and learning life’s lessons.

            🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • Hi Supreet,
              I had meant to respond to this much sooner. I would say that the meaning of your name fits well with the energy vibration I feel in it. 🙂

              Whether you realize it or not, your words here were like a gift to me. About a day after reading them, I was getting ready for work and my cat, Gir, was doing his thing where he meows his head off and sometimes it annoys me and I don’t have patience for it. But on this particular morning, after being worn down from things at work, I was too tired to even get upset with him. I just sat on the floor next to him, and then I was reminded of your words, about how you felt like I would listen.

              You did pick up on something in me, but it’s not something I’ve actively used for a couple of years. It is something about myself that I had forgotten about. Something that makes up an important part of who I am, and so if I’m not actively doing it . . . I lose a part of me. With the combination of all these things at play: being too tired, Gir meowing his head off, your thoughtful words, I was able to momentarily call that part of me back into consciousness and I felt infinite patience come back into me to hold the energetic space to allow my kitty to be “heard”.

              I no longer felt annoyance towards him. I did not feel judgment of any kind towards him. I just felt a space open up in me that allowed for all things. I had all the time in the world for him. I did not feel the need to fix or change anything in order to make things better for him, I only felt that I wanted to really hear his plea, his upset. I felt such relief in myself remembering and experiencing this part of me so strongly again.

              His demeanor immediately changed. It went from a feeling of pulling on me and like he was whining and complaining, to more like he was actually talking with me about his upset. He calmed down considerably. I wished I would’ve remembered this part of me sooner. I was determined to not forget this part of me again, but I wasn’t able to hold onto it with the things happening at work and so I feel a little frustrated about it. I have been struggling to regain it because I greatly miss that part of me. I just need to continue getting stronger so that I don’t lose it no matter what, even when stressful things are going on.

              But still, I am thankful to have been reminded of this part of myself at all. You were very helpful in helping me remember that part of me and so I am thankful to you as well. 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

              • Jenni ,
                i so m emotionally attached with you now . i just want to treat as my best buddy. im so much happy that my words did have a positive impact on you . but most important is the kind of self realization u made was amazing . change happen gradually and you are seeing some positive changes within you which is, regaining that power within which u had forgotten . you are stronger.. but i still feel that there is a pain residing inside. i cant see you in pain Jenni 😦
                but yeah 1 more thing i wanted to tell is i sense that you are a little bit stressed these days due to work. the moment you come back to your home you may have to switch roles , and radiate more optimism to the people u r at home with..
                Love
                Supreet

                Liked by 1 person

                • Hi Supreet,

                  I understand how hard it can be to see someone in pain, but pain does serve a purpose. It can serve as motivation to bring things back into balance. There is no pain when things are in balance. Knowing this, I do not seek to avoid my pain but walk straight into it, because that is where the answers are that I’m looking for. So it’s okay to let me be in pain. I need it to be okay for me to be in pain.

                  You did help though, to lessen and shorten my time in that pain, and not because that’s what you were seeking to do for me, but simply by speaking what *you* felt. It’s human to care about whether other people are doing well, but do not let it become a source of focus or worry within you. Do not let it consume you. You will lose yourself if you do, and I do not want that to happen to you.

                  You are right that I am a little bit stressed from work. Part of my struggle is that I am by myself in life. There has been no one for me to radiate to. Strangely enough, these are all things that point to what is unfolding in my life at this moment. The pain that you sense in me is related to some degree in not having people in my life open enough to receive or accept me. It relates to developing a fear in trying to express my view or feelings, or that I even have a right to those things.

                  They are all connected. If I wasn’t so by myself, I would more easily be able to handle the current pressure happening at work. But I’m by myself because I’ve developed a fear or phobia in expressing my more true self, which makes it harder for others to truly see me. Which then leaves me alone and makes it harder to handle pressures at work.

                  I am now determined to overcome my fears . . . I see the glimmers of people starting to respond in a more open way, especially you. This makes me feel more hopeful and not quite so alone. I feel more supported by life in general when I have this more open interaction with people. I am then able to more easily handle the pressures at work. I can see the solution more clearly.

                  Which is exactly what is happening. Already, just from recent posts and happenings on this blog, I am feeling myself really start to turn around. I’m getting back on top of things at work. As of this morning after I replied to your comment, I started to feel life come back into me. I feel more ready to take on the challenges of the world. You, and now another friend of mine I see, have commented so positively that it makes me want to cry, but it also makes me want to soar. It means that much to me. And my pain has decreased incredibly just since those events have taken place.

                  Which I think kind of tells me that I’m finding an outlet for radiating (as you put it, great word by the way . . . one of my favorite words). I am finding a place where it is okay to be me, and where I can be at home with others. Even though it’s online and even though it’s with people scattered all over the world . . . it still feels like a warm home to me. I am starting to not feel so alone in life because of this.

                  Liked by 1 person

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