The Caring Circus

A new understanding is forming for myself in regards to my life.  Ha.  I initially wrote “lie” instead of “life”.  My typing fingers think they’re hilarious.

I’m still feeling out the details, but for now the main energies that seem involved in this new understanding for myself, belong to the Leo and Virgo variety.  Which makes sense, since transiting Jupiter is currently in Leo and the Sun is currently in Virgo.

There are persons, places, and things (henceforth I will refer to as ‘nouns’) and events (henceforth I will refer to as ‘verbs’) in my life that will take something small and rather unimportant in the big scheme of things, and make it into a 3-ring-circus.

While other nouns and verbs will take things that are actually earth-shattering, and make them into small unimportant no-things.  Suffering alone in silence.

The nouns and verbs that take the small pebbles and blow them up to mountain-size, pull a lot of attention and focus to them.  Let’s face it, it takes a lot of energy and focus to build mountains with grains of sand.  This feels like a Leo energy to me.  A flair for the dramatic made fit for the stage.

The nouns and verbs that hide the mountains and pretend they’re tiny grains of sand, feels like the Virgo energy to me.  On the healthy side of Virgo, is the energy that goes around taking care of the day-to-day routine things in life that makes everything run smoother, but all of the love and care that they put into everything they do, often go unnoticed by others.  On the unhealthy side, or under duress, it can become obsessive compulsive about needing the routine in order to feel okay or being a slave to the routine vs. doing the routine out of open-hearted care, love, and nurturing.

The Leo-ine variety of nouns and verbs can be so caught up in the scene, that they become it.  They are very dedicated to their roles.  The show must go on after all.  It takes over their lives and the lives of anyone who gets assigned a role by them.  “You!  Yes, you over there.  You shall be . . . [insert generic title that is lesser than the Leo-ine role].”

I don’t know if you’ve ever been caught in the headlights of a Leo-ine type, but the warmth of their attention is no nice, so cozy, so heart-warming.  Especially if you’ve been more of the Virgo variety and have for the most part gone unnoticed.

But what the Virgo nouns and verbs seem to miss (as they focus on the details), is that the Leo Nouns and Verbs are in the middle of a scene.  Breaking character is frowned upon or ignored.  You either play it the way they have it scripted, or they don’t want to play with you at all.  The Virgo variety will want to help, soothe, heal what ails the Lion.  But the scene doesn’t end until the Lion is done with the role he is in the middle of playing, regardless of what anyone does (as long as others are paying attention to him).

Because the dramatic nouns and verbs are so caught up in the scene, they become incapable of seeing outside of themselves and the reality they’ve concocted.  They are unaware of how living their lives in the way they do and making the choices they make, affect others.  They are unaware of how it is them that is perpetuating it.  They are unaware of how much their antics take so much away from other’s lives, including something as simple as allowing others to choose what they’d really like to be doing with their lives, rather than spending it putting out all the crisis fires that the Leo is compulsively and obliviously setting to the scenery.

This is more along the lines of how I understand being ‘self-absorbed’ to truly mean.  Not as I’ve heard others understand it, where they think that simply talking about yourself means you’re self-absorbed.  When the unhealthy Leo nouns and verbs are in this state of self-absorption, they are rendered incapable of giving of themselves because they are unaware of a world outside of them.  Even in their attempts to help or give to others, it’s still really about them.  It’s still about drawing focus or attention to them.  It’s the perpetual “me” show.

Because Leo is the sign of the actor, they can be really good at looking & believing the part they are trying to play.  Leo is also the sign of play and pretend.  They really believe with all their heart that they are this role they are playing.  So much so, they won’t listen to any talk of it being otherwise.  This leads to the other unhealthy Leo issue, which is pride.  Their pride won’t let them admit that maybe all of the stuff they’ve been making a big t0-do about, isn’t really as big of a deal after all.  How do you gracefully back down and come back from all of the dramatic proclamations and declarations you’ve made over the years without completely losing face and the respect of everyone you know (including yourself)?

I do not envy the Leo nouns and verbs.

Leo is about being playful, loving you.  There is a healthy focus of self.  There *is* a need for attention and affection that Leo is so well known for.  They’re just great big, fluffy kitties who can play a little too rough sometimes, but don’t *really* mean any harm.  They’re just playing after all.  It’s just their show is so good and seems so for real (even to them), that none of us would DARE call the Leo out on his stuff in the middle of the show unless you wanted to become a shredded and bloody cat toy that was shunned and labeled as heartless.  (The irony of Leo ruling the heart).

So we give them what they want, all of our attention.  Because if we don’t, they may ratchet up the ante to life and death scenarios.  Yes, Pluto & Scorpio is involved in the Leo nouns and verbs in my life, but besides that, Leo is the sign of the creative Life Force.  Life is one big dramatic show, which involves things such as Life and the Lack of Life.  So it’s only fair that Leo have the same range to work with.

What follows Leo in the zodiac is Virgo.  Virgo is the next step in the process of the progression of life in which we go from kids who are playing and pretending and who don’t have a care in the world, to learning how to start taking care of things.  Brushing your teeth, getting regular rest.  Paying the bills.  Dusting the furniture.  To Leo, that’s the equivalent of being a stick in the mud.  That’s the opposite of the definition of fun.  To some, it’s the equivalent of death.  A life of routine and taking care of shit?  No.  I’d rather BE DEAD!

lol, oh Leo . . . always so dramatic.

Many people learn at some point in their teens that all of the drama llama isn’t worth it.  Some people never learn it.  Some are attempting to learn it dramatically, and some just get their own reality show.  LOL.  Reality.

Virgo.  Virgo can be such a tender, gentle, soothing, caring, cuddle energy.  Virgo cares.  Really, really cares in ways that some people will never comprehend.  They don’t do what they do for the glory, they do what they do for the sake of love.  Well, that’s the aim of Virgo anyways.  Once they get past their hypochondriac, obsessive compulsive, can’t see the forest for the trees phase.  They see a wounded animal, they want to tend to it.  They see a sad face, they want to comfort it.  In Virgo, we find healing.

Among the Virgo nouns and verbs are many, many unsung heroes.  A Virgo who is in their grace, will easily go unnoticed by all the Leo nouns and verbs who are still caught up in the “fun” show.  The Virgo variety, when healthy themselves and grounded, will care and heal those around them without drawing attention to themselves or expecting anything in return.  They may carry huge burdens within themselves and never speak of the pain they’ve known and witnessed, maybe even thinking they have nothing to complain about.  They don’t want to be a bother or a burden to others, (which itself seems to be some leftover drama from Leos-ville)  They see the Leo nouns and verbs carrying on like their hair is always on fire and they think to themselves, “Oh . . . no, my thing isn’t that bad.  Best give them the attention, I’ll be okay.”

Which sets it up so that the ones who really do need the care and attention of others, are the very ones who would never call attention to themselves.  And the very ones who are getting all of the attention, are the ones who could stand to be taken down a notch or two.

To the Virgo nouns and verbs, you need to quit trying to save every little wounded thing that wanders into your path.  Trying to heal or save someone or something that has no wish to be saved or healed, is a total waste of your time.  There are many, many out there who are less showy about their struggles and who could truly use the healing and nurturing energy that you have to give.  If you spend your whole life on the one or two people who don’t really wish to leave their wounded story behind, then you miss out on the hundreds who really could’ve used your help and would have only needed a fraction of your time and attention.  The ones who truly want or need help, are also not going to want to impose or be a burden and are able to make do with very, very little assistance.

Virgo, you have to learn how to let go of those who aren’t really interested in what you have to offer and who aren’t going to appreciate you.  You also need to learn how to speak up a little louder about your own needs.  It doesn’t actually do you any good to let others take and take from you without giving in return (at least without a fight).  All it does is drain you of life, take from others who do need, and allows the other person to continue being a spoiled child (gimme your attention).  Nobody really wins in that scenario.

To the Leo nouns and verbs, you need to get out of your own way.  You need to recognize that as awesome as you are, there is a world and life full of other realities that exist separate from you.  That there are many, many people who are suffering just as much, if not more than you, but don’t make a big show about it.  That just because others appear to have it more together than you, doesn’t mean they do.  Often times you don’t hear from them, because they’re busy being focused on actually doing something to improve their shithole life instead of focusing on making a big production out of it.

Leo, things can’t always be about having fun or about you.  Fun without structure or responsibility is the recipe for a spoiled, self-absorbed brat.  I don’t care how sweet and nice of a human you are or if that hurts your feelings.  If you are being self-absorbed and obliviously creating situations that basically forces others to give you attention repeatedly and for extensive lengths of time, instead of them getting to focus on living the lives they were meant to, you are being a spoiled brat.  If you were to grow up and take actual responsibility for yourself, you would prevent about 99.9% of your life’s drama, and maybe even understand what true happiness really feels like.  (Hint:  Happiness shouldn’t result in hangovers.)

I have been both the Leo & Virgo nouns and verbs, as well as been surrounded by both the Leo & Virgo nouns and verbs.  I believe we all have the tendency, some more pronounced than others.  All, and I do mean all, are very lovable and cuddly creatures underneath the drama and hurts and pains.

I’m just trying to do my Sun *job*, being a Gemini Sun/Jupiter conjunct, and reconcile duality and paradoxes.  Stick little Gemini labels on them.  Use my words to communicate and share what I’ve found or learned through personal experience, and make it available to anyone who may be searching for exactly that information to help grow or improve their lives, which in turn will automatically help improve the lives of others.

Also, my Saturn in Leo in the 5th is coming into play.  Jupiter transited my natal Saturn last Wednesday.  The taskmaster Saturn has been teaching me my whole life via the school of hard knocks how to be a grown up Leo.  Which is hilarious because my sun/Jupiter in Gemini, along with the Leo emphasis means that I’m basically a great big kid.  A great big, grown up kid who is all responsible and shit.  Who has gone through a life of drama llama, but still came out the other end with an open heart.

I may talk a lot about myself, but I am not self absorbed.  I do what I do consciously for both myself and for others.  I love me, and I love you.

 Extreme Caring

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