To The Robin Williams Of The World

His death is hitting me pretty hard.  It’s hard to see someone make it to 63 and still decide to give up the fight.  It’s hard to see how much genuine love, warmth, and kindness he had to give to everyone . . . but wasn’t able to see himself in the same way that we experienced him.

It makes me think of others in my life, who do a similar thing.  So hard and critical of themselves.  Never giving themselves a break.  Never seeing themselves through other’s eyes.  Never seeing how truly loving, gentle, humbling, and kind they are or what it is they do and bring into other’s lives.

So much focus on being perfect.  On not being good enough.  Or not meeting expectations.  So much attention on what it is that they’re doing wrong, that they miss all of the things that they’re doing right.  Not appreciating or valuing what it is they actually bring to the table of life.

And it’s heartbreaking.  It’s heartbreaking to see someone so genuine, real, warm, gentle, loving . . . something the world is so greatly lacking in right now, not know or see or comprehend the tremendous value they bring to us.

What are we doing to ourselves that we value these things *so* little, that those who are filled with genuineness, love, and warmth, are made to feel like they are worthless?  I can’t say enough how heartbreaking this is.  How reflective this is of the state of things.  The useless bickering and complete bullshit nonsense that we waste our lives on.  It makes me feel so angry inside and hurt.  It makes me feel ashamed to be a human.

I feel pathetic in the face of things like this.  It makes me realize how easily I can become lost in trivial things.  Robin was said to not just be generous with material items, but with his time.  He gave of himself.  Time and being fully present with another human being is the most valuable thing you could give to another person.  It’s personal because you only have a finite amount of it to spend in a lifetime, so who you spend it with and how you choose to spend it is important.

What is it all for?  Why do we do all of the things we do each day, if it’s not from a place of love?  What is the point of being alive if it’s just to exist or to survive?  We all act like when we get *there* or get that future goal accomplished or conquered or overcome, THEN we’ll feel better or feel alright.  But that never fucking happens.

And do you want to know why?  Because we forget to be in love while on the journey.  We forget to be in love with the journey.  Whether you are a scientist, analyst, journalist, comedian, housewife, janitor . . . it doesn’t matter, you should still be coming from a place of love from within yourself.  No excuses.

I’m sorry.  I’m feeling really angry and sorrowful inside.  I feel like we just lost one of the truly good ones in the world.  I am angry that he didn’t get to feel and know inside of himself while alive, how important and valuable his gifts were to the world.  I am angry that the collective wasn’t willing or able to reflect back to him, what he so freely gave to the collective.

I’m angry that I currently live in a world where someone like him is made to feel alone and isolated and so desperate to end the pain he felt inside.  And some of the heartless remarks made in reference to him taking his own life . . . all I have to say to any and all of those folks is, “Fuck.You.”

And an energetic punch to the face.  Because fuck you again.

I know what it’s like to fight depression myself.  I know what it’s like to have someone you love and very close to you try to take their life.  It is not a black and white issue.

From everything that I’ve personally experienced & witnessed in regards to true depression and attempted/successful suicide, is that it stems from an internal fight inside to try and keep your heart intact while trying to learn how to navigate and survive a world that’s become ruled by cold and heartless people who aren’t even aware themselves that they are cold and heartless.

It is the toughest battle a human can embark on.  It takes incredible heart and courage to make the decision everyday to fight that battle.  Every day you make it, is a personal triumph and something to be proud of.  So when one of those who are fighting the good fight goes down?  Give them the motherfucking respect they deserve for having made it that far.

Live Courageously

Comments

  1. I loved his work….and he clearly gave a tremendous amount to this world. Even the timing of his leaving swept a collective opening of hearts. There is always a mix….a mix of the physical/emotional/spiritual. Who knows precisely what was happening in his world at this moment. They say he just had a heart operation. I do know that from the physical/emotional center that the drugs and aftereffects can produce profound depression as a result of medications specific to the heart.
    From a bigger perspective, I am just grateful for the time he shared with us and for who he was. I will never think of him without smiling ❤
    Love you all, very much.

    Like

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