When You Can Love Through Your Fear

The people I surround myself with in life, whether they are coworkers, (online) friends, acquaintances, family . . . are some of the most loving people I have ever met.

I’ve found that the most loving people, are often the most creative people I’ve ever met.  They amaze me.

I’ve found that the most creative people, are often the most sensitive people I’ve ever met.

And I’ve found that the most sensitive people . . . are often the most defensive and tend to easily close off from others or shut down on themselves.

I’ve found that closed off people, often feel misunderstood by outsiders.

I’ve found that people who feel misunderstood, often feel alone and isolated in the world.

I’ve found that the ones who feel alone and isolated, often feel a great deal of fear and insecurity.

So I’ve come to understand . . .

That the most loving people . . . are quite often the ones who feel the most alone and heartbroken about the world in which they live, and are quite often the ones who feel the most fearful and insecure.

The lovers, the dreamers, . . . the candlestick makers.

: P

Something else all of these people have in common, is getting in their own way.

Because they are some of the most creative people, they are able to come up with the most creative reasons and excuses for why they can’t do something.  All of them sound totally legit.  Totally understandable.

I’m going to shift gears here for a moment (<– look at me being all considerate and warning you).

In my own personal experiences, when a person is being closed or defensive, in that moment:

  1. They are not usually able to recognize that they are being closed or defensive.
  2. They’re unable to exercise discernment.

How this may appear in a real life situation is by denial (“I’m NOT being defensive!” or “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” or “I don’t know.”) and everything can become a black and white issue.

When you are in defense mode, you are in “prove it” mode.  This leads to using mind/logic/rational only.  Why?  Because what do you think you’re defending?  What are you protecting?

Your heart, your inner core feelers.

If your guard has gone up, you’ve put a wall between the situation and your heart (who you are at your core), in order to protect the most sensitive part of you.

(Btw, in an emergency, where you need to think with a clear head and not your feelers, this separation between head and heart occurs . . . so it’s basically a survival instinct gone amuck.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a fear of being eaten by a bear or if it’s a fear of falling in love . . . the body’s all like NOPE.)

That means your heart doesn’t get to weigh in and practice discernment regarding the truth of the situation or what you TRULY feel about it.  You’re basically running blind.

It’s the areas of your life that you tend to launch into sheer logic/rational about because it’s where/when you tend to close the iron fortress doors in order to protect your heart (and you . . . because this is the part of yourself that you identify with the most).

Are you not doing something because you are afraid of doing it, or are you not doing something because it’s not “time” for it to happen, or are you not doing something because it’s not meant to happen?

When you approach a situation with a closed/defensive stance (and there isn’t a single person who can exclude themselves from this category), you can’t tell the difference.  You need to also be connected to your feelers, your heart, your core self in order to be able to distinguish the way or decision meant for YOU specifically in any given moment.

When you don’t connect to your own feelings and take responsibility for them (whether protecting them, speaking up for them, owning them, acting on them, showing them, sharing them, etc.), then the choices you make in life become based on things that do not support and nurture your heart . . . they only support the mind.  And that is a very cold and unsatisfying life.  Nothing material will ever, ever fill that void.

So back to the peeps in my life.  I love you guys . . . like a LOT.  But you make the most insane and elaborate excuses for why you aren’t happy or why things aren’t working out for you.  It’s ALWAYS something.  Always, always, always something.  I’ve heard (and used) every single imaginable excuse in the existence of all existences.

But that’s all it is . . . an excuse.  An excuse to not challenge or face your fears.  You’re afraid.  That’s all it is.  There aren’t any real obstacles in your way, except you and your fears having tea time.

So what if the worst possible outcome happens?  So what if it doesn’t look or turn out how you thought?

I’ll tell you a little something.  When you do whatever you’re doing with a fully open heart . . . none of that matters.  It doesn’t matter even a single teeny, tiny bit.  It’s all wonderful, it’s all magical, it’s all an adventure that you GET to experience in this existence that we call life.

When you can genuinely smile and giggle, even through your tears and heartbreak . . .

That’s when you’ll know that you’re living with an open heart.

 dog spoon lobster

 

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