On The Very Threshhold Of The Golden Age . . . Be Brave And Endure

Have you ever had to go without something that you needed?  And by needed, I mean something basic and standard like oxygen.

Have you ever had to go without food, or not know when you would get more?  Or Water?

When you have to go too long without something that you need in order to nourish and keep yourself alive, it can produce a state of fearfulness.  Mistrust.  Guardedness.

Whatever little you have, you hide and guard with all you have.

That’s more of a physical example, an animal survival instinct.

But we’re more than physical beings.  We have basic needs that go beyond oxygen, food, water, & shelter.

Our Spirit needs . . . Spiritual need . . . is love.

When we are forced to go without love, we respond in the same manner emotionally as if we were low on food and water.

Because we’re at the end of a cycle, the love we were given from source at the beginning of the cycle has run very low.

The Kali Yuga period is the darkest part of the cycle, exactly because of this.  We’re running low on love . . . light from source.

It’s easy for the dark smoke entity to hide and cover up whatever love is left, and make us believe that it is all gone . . . leaving chaos and destruction in it’s wake.

But what is really interesting about the big cycle, is that it starts with the golden age . . . slowly decreases into darkness over thousands of years . . . until we hit the period we’ve been in.  But instead of it slowly increasing and reversing in the same speed that it declined . . . we suddenly jump from the darkest period of the cycle, back into the golden age.

Why?  Why does it do that?

Because the grand cycle, is a process of receiving our nourishment from the source that has to last us for the next cycle.  They talk about manna from heaven in the bible, and how the people survived off of this stuff for a long time.  Source pulses out a burst of light/love/consciousness/awareness once every grand cycle.

By the end of the cycle, we are dragging our mother fucking knuckles on the ground about ready to give up completely.  We are being mean, rotten, selfish, ignorant, etc.  We are in survival mode.  We are responding exactly as people who are starving to death . . . and we are . . . our love fuel tank is on E.

If you’ve ever suffered starvation or nutrient deficiency, you will know that you can’t think straight . . . everything is confusing and doesn’t make much sense.  You don’t make the smartest decisions.  Why do you think people associate being poor as being ignorant?

Humanity is not evil . . . it’s simply starving for love, or the energy sent to us from source every grand cycle.

Forgive them for they know not what they do.

The world religions, while yes some have turned into power plays and political disasters, initially were meant to help people keep faith when things started to darken.  As the ages progress, and the light/love source we were provided for the long haul starts to grow thinner and thinner . . . things start to get a little tough.

People start getting grumpier and grumpier.  More defensive.  More divided.  Less trusting of each other.  More isolated and separated.  Then the dark smoke entity starts to rub it’s hands together in glee because it becomes easier and easier to trick people when they become low in love.

We go through a period where we believe that our “God” has forsaken us.  Where is he?  Where did he go?

So there is a period of many generations, where you are just going strictly off of collective memories, stories, faith, and belief regarding this loving entity.  A prophecy of his return.

His return, is when the grand cycle is complete, and it’s time to refill all of our reserves with the light/love from source.  And it comes all at once.  The golden love energy.  The Golden Age.  The Great Awakening.

Why is it the Great Awakening?  Because we are so starved, we are spiritually weak and when you’re spiritually weak . . . you forget.  The more starved you become, the more you forget and fall into darkness.

Inspirational things are what we use to try and keep the Spirit alive through the darkest times.  Singing, dancing, making merry, happiness, joy, love . . . we keep the traditions and rituals going for as long as possible in order to carry some of the light/love from source through our darkest times.  Until one day they end.  Because we’ve run all out of that spiritual substance that we NEED.

There are many monasteries, etc. whose soul purpose is to hold that love and light in remote parts of the world in order to keep all of us from plunging completely into darkness.  Who in the darkest times start to become mocked and disrespected.  But who keep doing it anyways, because they know it’s important.  That is faith.

But we also keep a small spark of that energy deep within ourselves . . . that we guard with all that we have because it’s the only thing that keeps us from dying.

Which brings us to now.  We are at the teeter totter end of the cycle.  The very darkest before the light.  Were we are all feeling isolated and alone because we’re forced to in order to protect that last bit of spark love inside of us.  Scared.  Defensive.  Trying to not lose hope.  Trying to keep the faith in Love.  Faith in Light’s return.

Just like we do in winter . . . hoping that spring and life comes back to us.  It’s exactly the same thing . . . the micro within the macro.  In the Grand Cycle, we are at the precipice of Spring.  We are all holding our breaths for the Event.  Hoping, praying, that the Light returns to us.  That we haven’t been forgotten.  That something didn’t happen during the thousands of years since our last renewal, that will prevent the light from getting to us.

I’m here to tell you, that we have not been forgotten.  The Light is on its way even as we speak, and it cannot be stopped.

It’s okay to let go of your fear and doubts.  I know you’re tired and worn to the bone . . . but give it one more chance.

The energy is already beginning to reach us, and like flowers . . . we have to be willing to open in order to receive the sunshine in order to be fed.

You’ve been tight in fear in order to protect your last spark of love, the same as a hungry person guards the last scrap of food they have.

But it’s okay to let go now.  If you can find the strength and courage in yourself to trust . . . just one more time . . . and open your heart and feel your love . . . push past fears and doubts that will try to pull on you . . . you will be able to feel the beginnings of the Light returning for the Golden Age.

If you’re still enough . . . you’ll feel it start to fill your personal reservoirs again.  Right now is not about convincing others about this . . . it’s about getting yourselves filled up and strong.

You don’t need to worry about others anymore.  I know some of you who have had some extra love energy have been using it to keep others who have been losing theirs . . . but you don’t need to do that anymore.  It’s going to be okay now.  The renewal has started . . . so those who are the most sensitive will be able to pick up and benefit from it right now.  The rest will follow.

The Legions of Light are arriving.  You can let go of the fear and worry that nags at you subconsciously.

funny-turtle-sea-white-zoo-water

 

 

 

Compassion And The Coming Sickness

I had a series of dreams a little over a year ago that were pointing to something that would start happening down the road.  They keep coming to my awareness, so I feel like maybe now is the time to share them.  They’re fairly short, simple, and to the point.

One was people coming down with a sickness that was referred to as “Scarlet Fever”.  However, it wasn’t anything to do with the thing we already know as Scarlet Fever.  It was more to do with the color of red.  It wasn’t very pleasant to go through.  I was going from person to person who was struck with it, and comforting them.  I was letting them know that I knew how horrible it felt, but that it doesn’t last long.  Just endure it a short time, and then it will be over.

In another dream I had walked into a remote temple (I want to say Buddhist?).  It was very ancient.  It was dedicated to Quan Yin.  I was inside and had walked up to the main statue of Quan Yin.  All around me, people were falling sick and throwing up.  In that dream it was made clear to me, that Compassion was the key to surviving and getting through this illness.  Opening your heart.

In the final dream, I was at work.  Everyone had been getting steadily weaker and ill, and yet still tried to continue everything as if nothing was going on.  People were laying down all over the place from weakness and sickness.  I was so frustrated that everyone was so much more focused on keeping business going as usual instead of taking care of themselves.  That they were missing the point to change and start leaning towards focusing on what is truly important in life instead of continuing to focus on things that really don’t matter.

In summary, the illness and sickness stems from Spirit.  Yes, it comes in the form of things like flu/colds and whatever other countless things we want to call it . . . but the purpose or point is a kind of purification.  The more you try to hold onto things that aren’t real or true in the heart/spiritual nature, the more ill you are going to become.

Not as punishment, but because it’s time to let go of the untruths and illusions that we hold onto.  You can do it consciously, or you can let the sickness do it for you.  In either case, it is important that you go inward and reconnect to your heart and to what you know is true and real there.

Quan Yin 1

 

When You Can Love Through Your Fear

The people I surround myself with in life, whether they are coworkers, (online) friends, acquaintances, family . . . are some of the most loving people I have ever met.

I’ve found that the most loving people, are often the most creative people I’ve ever met.  They amaze me.

I’ve found that the most creative people, are often the most sensitive people I’ve ever met.

And I’ve found that the most sensitive people . . . are often the most defensive and tend to easily close off from others or shut down on themselves.

I’ve found that closed off people, often feel misunderstood by outsiders.

I’ve found that people who feel misunderstood, often feel alone and isolated in the world.

I’ve found that the ones who feel alone and isolated, often feel a great deal of fear and insecurity.

So I’ve come to understand . . .

That the most loving people . . . are quite often the ones who feel the most alone and heartbroken about the world in which they live, and are quite often the ones who feel the most fearful and insecure.

The lovers, the dreamers, . . . the candlestick makers.

: P

Something else all of these people have in common, is getting in their own way.

Because they are some of the most creative people, they are able to come up with the most creative reasons and excuses for why they can’t do something.  All of them sound totally legit.  Totally understandable.

I’m going to shift gears here for a moment (<– look at me being all considerate and warning you).

In my own personal experiences, when a person is being closed or defensive, in that moment:

  1. They are not usually able to recognize that they are being closed or defensive.
  2. They’re unable to exercise discernment.

How this may appear in a real life situation is by denial (“I’m NOT being defensive!” or “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” or “I don’t know.”) and everything can become a black and white issue.

When you are in defense mode, you are in “prove it” mode.  This leads to using mind/logic/rational only.  Why?  Because what do you think you’re defending?  What are you protecting?

Your heart, your inner core feelers.

If your guard has gone up, you’ve put a wall between the situation and your heart (who you are at your core), in order to protect the most sensitive part of you.

(Btw, in an emergency, where you need to think with a clear head and not your feelers, this separation between head and heart occurs . . . so it’s basically a survival instinct gone amuck.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a fear of being eaten by a bear or if it’s a fear of falling in love . . . the body’s all like NOPE.)

That means your heart doesn’t get to weigh in and practice discernment regarding the truth of the situation or what you TRULY feel about it.  You’re basically running blind.

It’s the areas of your life that you tend to launch into sheer logic/rational about because it’s where/when you tend to close the iron fortress doors in order to protect your heart (and you . . . because this is the part of yourself that you identify with the most).

Are you not doing something because you are afraid of doing it, or are you not doing something because it’s not “time” for it to happen, or are you not doing something because it’s not meant to happen?

When you approach a situation with a closed/defensive stance (and there isn’t a single person who can exclude themselves from this category), you can’t tell the difference.  You need to also be connected to your feelers, your heart, your core self in order to be able to distinguish the way or decision meant for YOU specifically in any given moment.

When you don’t connect to your own feelings and take responsibility for them (whether protecting them, speaking up for them, owning them, acting on them, showing them, sharing them, etc.), then the choices you make in life become based on things that do not support and nurture your heart . . . they only support the mind.  And that is a very cold and unsatisfying life.  Nothing material will ever, ever fill that void.

So back to the peeps in my life.  I love you guys . . . like a LOT.  But you make the most insane and elaborate excuses for why you aren’t happy or why things aren’t working out for you.  It’s ALWAYS something.  Always, always, always something.  I’ve heard (and used) every single imaginable excuse in the existence of all existences.

But that’s all it is . . . an excuse.  An excuse to not challenge or face your fears.  You’re afraid.  That’s all it is.  There aren’t any real obstacles in your way, except you and your fears having tea time.

So what if the worst possible outcome happens?  So what if it doesn’t look or turn out how you thought?

I’ll tell you a little something.  When you do whatever you’re doing with a fully open heart . . . none of that matters.  It doesn’t matter even a single teeny, tiny bit.  It’s all wonderful, it’s all magical, it’s all an adventure that you GET to experience in this existence that we call life.

When you can genuinely smile and giggle, even through your tears and heartbreak . . .

That’s when you’ll know that you’re living with an open heart.

 dog spoon lobster

 

Here Comes Trouble

I had another interesting dream last night (awww Mercury in Pisces, I love you).

Within the dream, I watched as a group started to pack up a mobile museum into the back of a large pickup truck.  I don’t know whether it was the mascot or what, but there was a live horse that was a part of this group.  They had packed him into the back of the truck first . . . like he was one of the inanimate objects of the museum.

He was laying on his left side.  His legs folded up and against the side of the truck closest to me.  He had straps going across to secure him and keep him from moving around too much during the trip.  They were going to pack the rest of the things in around him.  Someone was giving him a food dish, and said that he’d also need water so he didn’t die.

During all of this, my dream became more lucid.  I didn’t understand what was going on, so I was just observing.  But something was pulling on my feelings about it.

I never stopped looking at the horse . . . he was an off white color.  I very slowly continued to approach the vehicle as I tried to understand what was bothering me.

He just laid there.  He had just let them arrange him however he needed to be without fight or struggle.

This wasn’t setting well with me.  But based on the situation and how everything appeared . . . how everyone acted . . . there was nothing wrong.  Everything was exactly right and proper.

But I had a distant memory nagging at me . . . “but where is his spirit?

I had this distant knowing or memory of horses not being like this.  That at one time horses were symbolic of being wild and running free.

Why was it going against what this reality was showing me?  Why did I keep getting glimmers of  a feeling like I wanted to cry?  Why did something not feel right about this?

I looked into the horse’s eye.  I felt a connection with the horse.  It pulled on something deep within me that I had forgotten.  The feeling of wanting to cry kept coming and going from me like breathing.

The deeper I went into the connection between me and the horse, the stronger the need to cry became.  The more a forgotten memory started to come back to me.  The more I started to become aware of something so incredibly painful inside of me that I had purposely forgotten in order to get relief from it.

But it was also something I desperately missed.  Within that pain was something that I missed with all of my heart.

His will . . . his will was broken.

My will . . . my own will was broken when I was younger.

When trying to domesticate a horse . . . they must be “broken”.  To break an animal or a person is to break their own personal will in order to do the will of another.

There’s refining someone’s will in order to fit into society and get along with others.  That’s the whole Aries –> Libra axis.  When we’re first born, we have raw personal will.  As we grow older, we learn how to refine it into something more polished and hopefully more beautiful . . . but the person should still retain something of themselves in that process.

They should still have their own personal will.  This is the energy or thing that motivates us.  It’s how we know what we want.  It’s how we go after or approach challenges.  Do we go after what we want . . . or do we let the forces around us decide for us what we’re going to do or not do?

The wilder something is . . . the harder it is to break.  There are some things that aren’t meant to be tamed or domesticated.  Being wild and free . . . is who they are.  To see them broken . . . like the horse I saw in the back of the truck . . . is almost too much for my heart to handle.

There are those who are so controlling and filled with ego, that they will go to any length to break a wild thing’s will.  To show dominance.  To have a trophy.  To feel good about themselves because they are so lacking in confidence and will themselves.

Sometimes they think it’s for the wild thing’s own good, either they break it or the world will do it.  It’s perceived as an act of love.

Let me break you . . . so that you won’t have to suffer the pain of the world breaking you.

What a tangled web human’s weave.

In my chart . . . I’m about as wild and untamed as they get.

I had such willfulness when I was younger.  To the point that I had no concept of asking for permission to do anything.  If I was playing with some toys in the house and suddenly had an image of the park flash into my mind . . . then I’d simply stand up and walk out the house and go to the park.

I can’t imagine how many heart attacks I gave my parents.  I knew what I knew, and I knew what I wanted.  What they wanted did not register into my awareness at all.  It didn’t even make sense to me.  What did my wants and needs have to do with them?

My dad is from the Appalachian mountains.  You don’t get away with shit when you’re from the Appalachian mountains.  You either do as you’re told by your parents, or your ass is grass.

My ass was frequently grass.

This comes from having to survive in very harsh conditions in the mountains.  My dad’s family is from Irish heritage.  The Irish weren’t really wanted over here.  So they were forced into the areas that nobody else was able to survive, and forced to find a way to survive.  And they did.

I come from strong stock.

But it also forced the families into living in constant survival mode.  This means everything is a life or death circumstance.  This means, when your parents tell you to go do something, you don’t sit there and whine and break down that you’re scared.  It means you suck it up and get your ass out there, or everyone may die.

So then the getting your ass whipped every time you disobey becomes understandable.  It’s to keep you from dying.  It *is* being done from a place of love.  The thing is, after a few generations . . . you no longer remember why it was done, only that it is.

So even though I didn’t grow up in those circumstances, I was raised as if I was.  But obviously, something needs to change.  This means that eventually in one of the generations, someone is going to be treated that way as a child . . . but they’re going to have to find the strength and will to overcome it and NOT break the will of their own children.

And that someone would need to have an enormous amount of will.

So . . . ta-da.

As my favorite shirt said when I was growing up, “Here comes trouble”.

All I know, is that my dad must’ve REALLY loved me.  Because that man did not back off or give up in trying to get me to understand the rules.  I would’ve been exhausted trying to raise me.

My mom’s family is more from a refined societal background.  I supposed considered more “civilized”.  But the dark side to Libra, or the sign of refined manners and all things beautiful and harmonious, is in becoming so passive that you basically check out of doing anything for yourself.

So my dad did severe disciplining, and my mom stood back and did nothing and just kind of checked out and became a victim.  Libra can also be kind of judgey.  Sit and judge the “animalstic” behavior of others, while not seeing their own part in what is playing out and not doing anything about it for themselves.

My dad always looked like the bad guy.  My mom always looked like a victim.  But if one had the ability to look at the energetic dynamics playing underneath the surface of what was being shown . . . and I did and I do . . . then you can see that my mom was equally at fault.

But our society is only interested in making judgments based on what can be seen and proven, and so until we get past such juvenile thinking . . . we will continue to have aggressors and victims and cannot progress past wars and people going hungry.

So I’m not interested in hearing that I was severely abused.  Maybe I was.  Maybe I wasn’t.  It doesn’t matter.  All I’m interested in, is stopping the bullshit from continuing past my generation.

However, I do need to recognize what happened when I was younger so that I can put myself back together and be an agent of true change in the world.

My will was broken when I was younger.  It was so severe, that I literally broke my lower back when I was around 6 or 7.

I was in Germany and sledding by myself.  The snow was so slick from all the people sledding earlier in the day, that my sled went way too fast.  In short I ended up face down in the middle of the road, paralyzed from the waist down.  And down the hill to my right was a big ass car coming, and they weren’t going to be able to see me in time.

So I closed my eyes and pulled on everything within me, and I willed myself to move.  I didn’t want to die SO BAD . . . that I literally willed my paralyzed self to move enough to get to the sidewalk.  I got out of the way in time, and the car stopped anyways to ask if I was okay.  I said I was fine.

I spent the next hours in excruciating pain crawling an inch at a time to get back to my building and up the stairs.  The whole time I was willing myself better.  By the time I got to my mom, who was thankfully at a neighbors on the first floor instead of our fourth floor, all I could manage to get out of my mouth was that I had a stomach ache.  I said I wanted to throw up.

So she gave me Pepto-Bismol and had me lay down.  That was the last I thought about my lower back, until years later as an adult, when I got a 360 degree x-ray at a chiropractor’s office and the guy’s eyes about fell out of his head.  He wanted to know when I had broken my back.  I looked, and yes . . . it was scary looking . . . but mostly because it wasn’t until then that I had understood fully what I had done all those years ago.

It had snapped, twisted a little and fused itself back together, causing a slight curve in my spine.

So will.  I haz it.  Or I did.

After that day . . . my will became less and less.  Because I was young I had a lot of energy still . . . but never quite the willfulness I had before.  I quit fighting things so much.  I quit wanting things my way.

I had been broken.  Literally.

I do believe that things happen how they’re meant to.  I needed to know life without my willfulness so that I did understand the Libra side of things.  And the only way that was going to happen, is if it was severe enough.

Once I had done what I needed to in that broken state . . . it was time for me to heal that break in me and come back to myself.

So while staring into the eyes of the horse . . . I began to remember a previous existence from when I was a younger girl.

A time when I had such spirit and a strong will to live.  A time when my spirit ran free and I believed I could do anything.

A time when I wasn’t afraid of being myself around others.

I’m returning to that part of me, but there’s a difference between now and then.

Back then, I didn’t know what it was that I had that the other’s around me lacked.  I didn’t know what set me apart from anyone else.  I didn’t know what to call the energy and joy and spunk that naturally came out of me.

But now I can see that it was will.  It was confidence.  It was an open-heartedness to life.  It was love.  It was joy and hope.  It was the essence of life itself.  A flame of life that lives within me.

After having gone without it for so long, I now know the value of what I hold inside of me.  I know how rare and precious it is in the current world, and it’s up to me to protect and guard it . . . to never let it go out in me again.

I am and have something of value.

When I’m respected and valued by others, I am more than happy to share all I have with others.

But try to take it from me by force, or keep it for your own, or treat me like I’m not worth your time . . .

Then Here Comes Trouble.

zebra kick to the face

Take Your Soul Back And Love Again

There exists a black smoke cloud entity invisible to the human eye.  It is able to move in and out of humans at will.  It has an intelligence.

We’re all aware of it at some level, but choose to repress it because it scares us.

It doesn’t have any actual power.  It doesn’t have any creative force or life giving energy of its own.  It’s able to mimic and learn, but not create something new all on its own.

However, it is able to convince you to use your creative energy to get done what it wants.  All it has to do, is play upon your weakness.  It finds your weakness and convinces you that your fears are real and true.  That’s all it needs to do.  That’s all it is able to do . . . is convince you that your fears are true.

Because as soon as a human believes something to be true . . . they use their own creative force and energy to bring it about.  And so it’s nearly as effective as the black smoke cloud entity having its own creative power.

I’m not using metaphors, btw.  This black smoke cloud entity is very real.  It is the actual source of fear.

It’s able to cloak itself . . . mimic you well enough . . . that it’s nearly impossible to distinguish it from your own thoughts.  It’s subtle enough to not set off any alarms that it’s coming from an outside source.

As long as you believe your fears to be true, you become trapped in a jail cell of your own making.  You get stuck in an energetic web of your own creative energy.

The greatest “power” this black smoke cloud entity has, is in its invisibility.  As long as nobody is aware of it, it is able to move through undetected wreaking havoc and maintaining control.

It especially targets those with lots of life force or creative energy.  The more life force, light, love, creative energy you have . . . the more the black smoke cloud entity wants you for its own purposes.

Some of the brightest beings currently here are paralyzed in fear due to this combination of incredible light and a lack of awareness of the black smoke cloud entity.

You can see where in your life this will show up the most in your natal chart, by looking for where Pluto is located and what he touches.  In those areas of your life, is where the black smoke cloud entity will show up the heaviest and therefore create a fear surrounding that area of your chart.

It can come through your loved ones, yourself, events and circumstances.  Anywhere the black smoke cloud entity can move and is allowed to influence, it can manipulate and use.

The black smoke cloud entity is not invincible, however.

It cannot control you once you become aware of it and refuse to play its game.  It will try to scare the living bejeezers out of you with what looks like very real threats . . . but it cannot actually harm you.

It cannot control you when you swallow your pride and take personal responsibility for yourself.  Even if you have a weak moment and it’s able to get through and start scaring you, take personal responsibility for moving back out of fear.  Take personal responsibility to gain strength and push yourself past the fear and out of the clutches of the black smoke cloud entity.

Belief and faith.  Believe in things really being beautiful and loving.  Have faith that the beautiful and loving things in life are real.  If you allow yourself to be a Pollyanna with your whole open heart despite the ugliness that appears to be happening on the outside of this world . . . the black smoke cloud entity loses its hold on you . . . it loses its power over you.

When you have the courage to believe in love and happiness, and to act as if it is true despite your fear . . . it loses its power over you.

When you refuse to believe the reality it would have you believe, it makes you stronger and the black smoke cloud entity weaker.

You can 100% guarantee that whatever it is you are afraid of, is the influence of this entity.  It’s the battle that wages on inside of all of us.  Who we are versus what this black smoke cloud entity wishes us to believe because while we do . . . it’s in control of this world.

When you stop believing that your fears are real . . . when you truly believe in your heart . . . then the black smoke cloud entity is forced to set you free.

Forgiveness.

When you can see that the fear and craziness erupting is more to do with this black smoke cloud entity flowing through the masses trying to snag any weaknesses of the heart and exploiting it to hurt the rest of us and weaken our own hearts . . . then you can start to feel more compassion and forgiveness for what we are all going through right now.

Not everything is as it seems.  Just because someone flies off the handle and kills people, doesn’t mean it was the person themselves.  Their only fault is having a moment of weakness in their faith of their heart.  That’s why it is not for us to judge others and condemn them, because we cannot see what battle they are fighting below the surface.

This unseen fight and battle that the black smoke cloud entity insists on being kept a secret . . . hidden.  He wants us to lash out on each other and accuse and blame each other . . . because it creates even more fear and isolation and division between us . . . and it strengthens the black smoke cloud entity.

Not coincidentally, today, transiting Uranus is in exact opposition to my natal Pluto which is conjunct my descendant.  Uranus is about breaking free.  It’s in the sign of Aries . . . the warrior . . . where my rising sign, Venus, Mars, and South Node all reside.  Aries also rules the head.

It’s my 1st house, house of self.  I’ve been facing this black smoke cloud entity head on my entire life.  I’m able to see it and be aware of it and call it out on its own shit.  It has gone through all of my loved ones in my life trying to get at me.

If they have any weakness, flaws, doubts, fears . . . this black smoke cloud entity jumps on it and wreaks havoc both for the individual I love, as well as for me.  This has been happening since the day I was born.

I have gone through periods in my life of being afraid to let anyone into my life, because I knew the black smoke cloud entity would start its shit.  Two different boyfriends actually woke up in the middle of the night, having a very literal black smoke fog over them and trying to choke the life out of them . . . using their fear of course.

It’s been a battle within me to keep my vision clear . . . to understand that it’s not the individual themselves that are hurting me, but this entity.  It’s been a battle within me to keep my vision of myself clear, and to not believe the things that others think and accuse me of based on their fears that are being played upon.  A battle within to keep my strength up even when others start associating the black smoke cloud entity with me . . . because it always seems to come around when they are around me, and start to fear me as if I’m the source.

And it’s been a battle within me to keep forgiving and remembering what is really going on . . . what the truth of the situation of the world is.  To keep persevering.  To not give up my belief in love and my heart.  To have faith that one day, this black smoke cloud entity will be unmasked and everyone will see for themselves the truth and what has been going on.

“Being alone . . . that’s your thing.”

That’s my weakness . . . my wound that is exploited by the black smoke cloud entity.  My pain and my wound of being alone and the fear of continuing to be alone.  That quote is what was said to me in a dream last fall.  The black smoke cloud entity has no mercy.  It has shredded that fear within me over and over.

In the last week, as the opposition between the current transiting Uranus and my natal Pluto has been getting closer, the black smoke cloud entity has been working overtime.

In one dream that became lucid, a dark black shadow being was right on me.  I could feel it with my physical body in my bedroom.  Trying to scare and intimidate me.  It unnerved me a hair . . . but this has been a really long and intense battle between us . . . and I’m really tired of its shit.

And then one morning as I was waking up I got very clearly the message, “You’re a smart girl, back off.”

It was very distinctly a warning.  One that I just couldn’t seem to get rattled about.  There’s a point where you just don’t care anymore.  I’m tired of fighting.  Threaten and scream all you want, but when you’re just bone-soul weary . . . it’s like, “Oh yeah?  Well, fuck you.”

fuck shit up

Inspirational Sh*t

Have you ever become so inspired by something that you suddenly had to go poop?

So the other morning I was slogging through my morning ritual, and checked my email and saw that a new song on an album I had pre-ordered was now available.  Yay!

I went to check it out immediately because I’m often inspired by this artist, and I don’t know if it was the timing or what . . . but from the first beat in the song I felt something light up in me and felt myself come to life.

My ass was up and dancing before the song was even half way done.  My soul was like fuck yeah!  I was almost crying it made me feel so good.

And then I suddenly had to poop.

So that’s why I asked.

Here’s the song that literally inspired the shit out of me:

Burning Gold by Christina Perri

I understand this is TMI and crossing boundaries . . . what can I say?

Jennifer Roark . . . crossing boundaries since 1977

When I’m uninspired and moping along in life feeling small . . . guess what . . . I have problem with the process of elimination.  I always have.  I had to be taken to the doctor for it when I was younger.

It’s a very literal form of blockage for what’s going on with me emotionally.

I long ago figured out that for me, whenever I’m full of it . . . what I’m in need of is inspiration.

This connection is actually in my natal chart with my Neptune/Moon conjunction with the moon in the 8th house.  The process of waste elimination is ruled by 8th house/Scorpio/Pluto.  Interestingly . . . those areas also represent intimacy, trust, other people’s resources, mysteries, secrets.

Those areas fall under the “everybody does it, but nobody talks about it” category.  Neptune is “no boundaries”.  Moon is our comfort zone.  I’m comfortable with talking about things that everybody does, but nobody talks about.

Everybody poos.

Nobody talks about it . . . unless you’re my coworker’s two young daughters.  They won’t stop talking about it.  They make me laugh.  A lot.

The connection between all of this, is that issues related to the things of Pluto/Scorpio/8th house (and there’s a million ways and varieties this can show up in a person’s chart) . . . it can lead to difficulties with elimination (or complete lack of being able to hold it in).  People don’t necessarily connect the two together . . . but they are related.

The more you know {and rainbow}

My lucky combination, is that my Neptune/Moon is in Sagittarius.  Sag is a fire sign and so is inspirational.  It’s also about wide open spaces, traveling the world (omg am I itching to travel!), loving life, higher knowledge truth, prophecy . . . it’s just a huge barrel of fun and seeing the bigger picture about what life is really about.

When I’m connected into that part of my chart, my views and perceptions open up.  I surrender and let go.  I go into a state of being and loving and living.  My body immediately responds in a positive manner and things start functioning in a healthier manner . . . beginning with . . . well you know.

{Poop}

{Giggle}

So yeah.

You’re welcome.

mama cat

Here’s To Loving Life And Existence

Yesterday as I sat at a stoplight while running errands, it got into me that it was time for one of my adventures.  It happens a couple times a year.  I suddenly need to drive with no destination in mind.  So when the light turned green . . . I went straight instead of turning left.

At the next light, I wanted to both go straight and take a right.  This sudden breaking free from my routine had introduced a new thought and feeling into me.  I started thinking about a quote that’s been making the rounds online, something about the ones who don’t actually know anything are the ones with confidence and the ones who do . . . don’t have any confidence.

The exact wording wasn’t important because it was coming in more as a feeling/knowing/understanding for me.  I’ve had so little confidence in what I feel and believe . . . and why?  There are millions of people acting confidently based on half assed thoughts  . . . and look at how well that’s working out for everyone.  So why not?  Why not let myself be confident in mine too?

This was making me feel better.  I was feeling stronger in my base and core.

Why not?  Sure my feelings and beliefs might be weird and out of the normal.  They may not make sense to a good majority of people . . . but so what?

I was in the lane to go straight . . . but then the light for the right turn lane had turned green.  I checked the mirrors for any traffic . . . it was clear . . . so I hit the blinker to turn and the gas.  I even did a mini skid squeal with my tires all fast and furious-like.

The road I took takes you around a large lake.  It is some of the most gorgeous road I’ve ever driven.  I could feel my spirit spread out for miles.

My thoughts kept coming back to the confidence thing.  If the “wrong” people are the ones with confidence . . . then what is stopping the “right” people from having confidence?

I feel it’s mostly to do with the ones with confidence, have it because it fits the old paradigm.  They have centuries and the masses on their side in belief.  That’s a lot of conscious energy keeping it in place.  It’s no longer about whether it’s actually the right thing . . . only that it’s how it’s done.  There’s a lot of energy and momentum already invested in those ways . . . so it’s much easier to go along with the flow.

Whereas, if you feel differently about any of it, you are trying to swim upstream.  You have to gain an insane amount of strength, courage, and confidence in what you feel and believe in order to not only hold onto those feelings and thoughts, but also to start introducing or speaking them out loud.  So they start out as whispers.

You’ll have plenty of opposition.  You won’t really have any supporters.  You have to risk looking insane . . . being alone.  Possibly harmed.  People in general don’t like change to the status quo.  In short, you have to expend a tremendous amount of energy, the risks are high, and the return may be zill.  That’s why the ones who could really help during this time lack confidence in themselves and what they feel and believe inside.

I was blessed with an insane amount of this kind of energy (Aries).  So as I was flying down the highway (at a safe speed), with my window down and wind blowing in my hair . . . I kept asking myself why not start believing in my feelings and beliefs.  What do I have to lose?  The only thing I stand to lose, really . . . is my fear.

Whether I’m one of the ones that should or shouldn’t have confidence, just doesn’t seem to matter to me anymore.  Maybe I am one of *those* people who shouldn’t be so confident . . . but what does it matter anymore?  Who cares?  The world is falling apart at the seams anyways . . . what would it hurt to take this opportunity to believe in myself again?

If I’m in the wrong in my beliefs and feelings . . . then let me do it all of the way . . . let me do it confidently.

{watch out for incoming teddy bears, rainbows, and bunnies!}

I eventually came back to the intersection where I wanted to go two different directions . . . and took the other direction I had wanted to go.  Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too?  (I don’t even understand that cliché . . . who has cake and DOESN’T eat it?)

I was singing my little heart out.  It had started out as a cloudy day, but during the drive the clouds had cleared and the sun started to shine through.  It felt like I was in the middle of a musical.  I was saying hello to a rushing river and to all of the swaying trees.  It was soothing to my heart and soul.

At the end of my little road trip, as I parked my car to finish my errands, I looked up in the sky and saw a huge black bird with its wings spread wide and floating on the currents.  I couldn’t figure out what kind of bird it was.  It was huge like an Eagle, but didn’t have the markings of one.  It was SO incredibly black all over.  It didn’t look like any bird I had ever seen, but it was so B E A U T I F U L and graceful.  I was completely mesmerized by it.

I heard myself saying, “I don’t know what you are, but it doesn’t matter . . . I don’t need to know what you are to know that you’re beautiful.”

In that wide open moment, something struck me about what I had said and then I started to giggle . . . both at myself and at life.  I spend so much energy in wanting to know who I am . . . what my “name” is, but as I was staring at something so beautiful and breathtaking in that moment, the last thing I cared about was the creature’s name.  I was just so happy and grateful to be witnessing it’s existence and way of being.

Sometimes new things come into existence and don’t have a name yet.  Maybe there are things that don’t need a name . . . maybe their name is their existence . . . their presence.  Maybe a name or identity would diminish their worth.  Maybe you can only know them by experiencing them.

Sometimes life surprises us.

Okay . . . and maybe a little music:

Don’t Let Go by Lea Michele

My Own Physical Body Tries To Protect Me From My Feelings

(Source: The Meta Picture)

Whatcha doin?

Omg you guys, so many puzzle pieces just came together for me and I’m so excited to share.

I was doing my usual morning “laying on the floor and contemplating the meaning of everything” while trying to relax my body so I could feel my feelers.

I felt how my neck and lower jaw muscles were tensing in order to stop emotions from showing.  I thought, “Hmm . . that’s right, I do remember as a little girl whenever I wanted to cry but was in public or around someone, I would stop my tears by tensing my neck area.”

Okay, cool . . . so I was talking to my body and saying, “Hey, it’s super cool that you learned how to stop yourself from crying, but it’s getting old and I kind of don’t want to do it anymore.”  But from a feeling place, not necessarily with words.  I find it works best for me if I emote or feel things towards my body as a way to communicate.

So *then* I became aware of something going on in my head area.  It wasn’t what I would refer to or call my “mind”, but something . . . I guess surrounding the mind?  It’s like it was the top half of my skull, and emanating from the area outside of it.  I only had to wonder about it for a second before the word “will” popped into my head.

Yes, of course!  Will . . . Aries . . . Aries rules the head!  I felt it being the thing that was instructing or giving the orders so to speak, for my neck area (ruled by Taurus . . . it’s our “voice”).  But not only that, I felt all of the areas in my body that were under the direction of “will” in my body.  This is TOTALLY fascinating because my Chiron (or deepest wound and where we become the healer) is in Taurus (rules neck/throat . . . but also represents physical body) and in my 1st house . . . the house of Aries (which my 1st house happens to be ruled by Aries . . . go figure).

So THEN, I was feeling all of these areas affected and being directed by Aries and what came to me was “adrenal system”.  The fight or flight or freeze response.  Our instinctive, animalistic response when there is danger.  This is ALSO ruled by Aries –>Instinct/survival.

At this point I’m already in amazement at the correlations between what I’m experiencing and connecting and how they also line up in astrological rulerships . . . and things that aren’t readily able to be connected.  We tend to learn key words about each sign, etc. . . . but it’s not necessarily obvious why they all belong to a sign, planet, or house.  So seeing these connections in me and THEN seeing that it matches what is in astrology is what had me going all O.O during all of this.

So anyways, I was seeing in vision and actually experiencing in my physical body the areas of my body being told by my “will” that I was in “danger” every time I felt my emotions and feelings.  Every.single.time.  So I feel any of my own feelings, and my body goes “go!go!go! This is not a drill, we are in serious danger, activate the “do not show what you’re feeling” sequence!” and the various areas of my body go into response to stop the feelers from coming out.

Then I kept having a scene from my childhood repeat over and over.  It was a defining moment in my childhood.  I had done something to get myself in trouble and I was getting one hellacious whipping, and I was told that it wasn’t going to stop until I stopped crying.

Boom.  There it was.  Showing my emotions and feelings put me in serious danger (according to my instinctive body), and therefore I go into a fight, flight, freeze response any time they try to show themselves.  Hence the intense fear any time I try to express what I feel.

When we are children we’re more open and flexible, so it didn’t have a huge immediate impact when I was younger.  I was still able to return to my playing and eventually forget what happened and get back to playing Barbies or whatever.  Kids are resilient like that.  But my physical body never forgot it, and so it decided to take care of it at an instinctive level, rather than bother me with it.

As I get older, however, it takes more and more of a toll on me.  I can’t bounce back as easily when I get triggered.  The response has bled over from only happening when I wanted to cry, to happening any time I feel emotions or feelings at all.  INCLUDING feeling joy, love, happiness.

Every time I go into my deeper feelings . . . my body goes into fight, flight, freeze response.  Survival mode.  Shut down.  Close up.  On the defense.

What’s more . . . and the part that has truly been tragic in my life . . . it happens anytime I’m around anyone that I care deeply about.  I get near someone I care deeply about, and my system goes into survival mode and I shut down.  In order to compensate for this, and in order to find any comfort or peace in my life . . . I’ve had to push away, distance, and cut off from everyone I’ve ever cared about in my life.

The only one I wasn’t able to, was my son.  He told me when he was 7 that one of his reasons for coming into this life was to show me love, and now that has even more profound meaning than ever.

I have had to survive on my own for so long, that I had learned to deal with it.  I was “at peace” in a way with it . . . even if I didn’t like it or understand it.  I can push away lovers, family, friends.  But my son.  The universe set it up so that I couldn’t push him away.  I was the only person available to take care of him and raise him.  My mommy instinct wouldn’t let me abandon him.  I didn’t want him to be alone in the world.

So for the next 18 years this horrific battle ensued in me.  Perpetual fight or flight any time I was around my son, but also being unable to get away from it.  It forced me to face those demons in me.  It forced me to push past the terror and fear because as many parents understand . . . you will literally go through hell for your children.  I might not do it for myself, and I might not do it for another person . . . but I sure as hell will do it for my son.

Even if I was screaming at the top of my lungs (silently inside) in searing pain from the constant adrenal response 24/7 year after year, which did result in several breakdowns.  Which is another interesting correlation . . . Aries is a fire.  Fire burns and purifies.  Adrenaline being a very Aries response . . . burns when it keeps happening and it’s not needed and results in anxiety, etc.  In an effort to overcome it . . . I ended up burning and purifying through everything that wasn’t real in me.

It’s also why I always end up alone.  Again . . . Aries.  My south node (something you do *too* well) is Aries.  North node (direction you want to head in this life) is Libra.  I want to be with others.  My soul no longer wants to survive alone . . . it wants to thrive with others.

All of these pieces and realizations are just blowing me away . . . this is amazing to me.  It seems so clear.

I shut down when my ex came last summer.  I was picking everything apart trying to understand why, and obviously it isn’t any *one* thing . . . nothing is that simple . . . but now, with this understanding . . .

I pushed the love of my life away because of this.  That’s why I can’t let it go.  It’s the same situation as with my son.  That push and pull fight inside of me.  They are my heart . . . and I can’t abandon my heart . . . but to feel my heart means to be in shut down survival mode which kills my spirit.

I had learned how to get past it with my son.  But then I got into a relationship which is a different dynamic, and I hadn’t learned how to get past it from that angle.  So I thought it was the relationship that was wrong, and fell back into my old habits of pushing the person away . . . if only to get a break from the searing pain of adrenaline that burns my whole body.

Oh my god . . . I’m so sorry . . . I’m so sorry for what I put you through. 

Cliff Diving (Okay, Maybe Falling Off Of Cliffs Ungracefully)

I have to call upon so much courage in myself when trying to speak from my heart.

It feels like I’m hanging from a cliff by my fingers, and I’m trying to pull together enough courage to let go . . . one finger at a time.  I become so scared.

Is it going to hurt?

Will I be okay?

But I know it’s my path . . . to learn to speak out loud what is in my heart.

Not what is popular . . . not what is commonly accepted . . . not the influence I feel from others around me . . . but what I and I alone feel separate from the outside world.

I cannot express the terror I feel surrounding this seemingly simple act . . . speaking what I feel inside.

The humiliation I feel.

I have to do it through tears and slow breathing.  It’s like trying to breathe oxygen into a stubborn raisin that insists on folding in on itself.  A trembling raisin.

I do it because I know it’s the only way for me.  I do it because when I’m successful, I once again come alive and see everything for what it is.  I feel myself glow.  I know without a doubt that it’s my calling, even if I don’t know why it’s my calling or what I’m supposed to do with it.  I don’t care why . . . it feels too good to be doing what it feels like I was put here for.

Nothing else matters.

Even knowing that, I continue to hold onto the cliff’s edge with my fingertips.  Crying and pleading with the circumstances . . . wanting to be anywhere but hanging from that cliff.

I hang on because when I start to open my heart and see what’s in there, I become overwhelmed and scared by what I see.  Not because it’s something bad . . . but because it’s something so immense . . . because it’s something new and I don’t know what to do with it.

It doesn’t fit into anything I’ve ever seen really happen in life.  And in that moment when I’m staring straight into it, I know . . . I know I must call upon all of the strength and courage I have inside, because I have to stray from all I’ve ever known and understood about life.

I have to come to peace with letting all of my greatest fears come true as I take my first steps.

Hence the cliff crying (upgraded from floor crying).

The more steps I take, the more confident I am that I’m heading in the right direction . . . and take one more finger off of the cliff’s edge.

I don’t know . . . I guess the hardest thing for me to overcome what I see when I look deep into my heart right now, is that it’s something that I had unknowingly lost a belief in.

It’s like suddenly seeing an honest-to-goodness leprechaun running around your desk.  There’s a moment of shock that a leprechaun even exists before you can start processing what’s happening.

Ironically, I believed in leprechauns more than I believed in what I’m seeing now.

In my heart, I see and feel what can only be True Love.

It’s not like anything I’ve ever heard about or seen.  It redefines all of existence for me.  I’m barely scratching the surface of this monster thing that is appearing inside.

That’s not even the part I’m struggling with.

The part I’m struggling with is the part I didn’t know I didn’t believe in, until I started to see all of this in the last week or so.

{cliff gripping}

I didn’t believe in “soul mates” or “Twin Flames”.  I thought I did, but now if I am honest with myself, I didn’t.  I didn’t really believe there was that one person out there that was a person’s match.  I didn’t believe that there was possibly that one person that was meant for me.

I think I believed in possibilities.  Like a game of odds and chances . . . probabilities of two people matching up and being compatible.  But someone specifically destined or fated?  Another person who is actually another part of your soul?  No, I didn’t believe in that.

I now wonder how long my soul has had to wander alone, for me to have forgotten that it was ever apart of another?  To have reached a point of believing that it was only ever by itself without a pair or mate.  In order to survive . . . to cope . . . to not give up in despair.

I didn’t let myself believe it was true because it terrifies me.  It’s too much for me to dare hope.  At the soul level, I’ve wandered alone a very . . . very . . . very long time.  I’ve searched and searched and searched.  I’ve hoped and hoped and hoped.  But to actually believe it . . . that was too much for me.  That’s not real life . . . that’s some dream or fantasy.

If I were to believe it before I really found my “other” . . . the knowledge alone that I was separated from my other half and not knowing where he was or even if he was okay, would have been enough to literally kill me on the spot.  That’s how deep this pain runs.  My heart would absolutely give out on me.

So I stopped believing in my soul having another half in order to survive.  I believed myself to be independent and solo, not needing anyone else in order to be complete.

But in the spring/summer of 2012 . . . I reached a point of wholeness within myself.  I let go of my fears of being alone and I opened up inside.  Life began to glow for me.  I felt full of light.  When this happened . . . a man appeared in my life.  I knew who he was.  I knew what it meant.  I knew what was happening.  It wasn’t a guessing game for me.  It wasn’t a maybe.  It was 100%.

Fast forward to November of last year, we broke up.

I have no wish to share the details of how that all came about because that’s between me and him, but suffice to say there was a lot of confusion and hurt on both sides for us each to clean up.

I have never, ever gone through something as intense as this in all of my life.

In the hurt and confusion, I closed down and was more in the dark.  I could no longer remember any of the things I knew about us when we first met.

Since then I’ve been fighting and climbing my way out of the abyss that I had fallen down into.  Striving to reach that place of light and knowing that I had reached in 2012.

I’ve started to hit that place again . . . I call it the “Golden World”.  I flicker in and out.  The part that’s been slowing my progress and tripping me up, is the fact that when I open to that world . . . all of the information I knew about us from a couple of years ago, starts to rush back into me.

Except we’ve broken up . . . we don’t speak to each other . . . we’re not even in contact.  I don’t know if we ever will again.

That’s where things start to slide sideways for me.

Because of my subconscious belief that I had no “other”, the knowing of who he was only went skin deep with me.  I hadn’t let it sink all of the way in . . . down to my deep rooted beliefs.  It was very superficial . . . Gemini-like.  I didn’t fully believe with my whole being that he was my partner.  I hadn’t surrendered to the reality of who he is to me.

Because of the wound.  The deep, deep wound of having been separated from him in the first place.  I was scared to let the relationship be true, to be real . . . because the reality was too much for me to handle.  Again my heart . . . I can feel it in my physical heart.  It sometimes stumbles and pounds weird in my chest from the struggle in me regarding me and my ex.

I’ve never had anything close to this happen in my life with another person before.

But there’s nothing I can do about the relationship.  But I don’t want to die . . . I want to live.  So I tried to let him go.  Let him go his own way and live his own life.  Except, I tried to do it by forgetting him, and all that did was keep me closed.  I wasn’t able to recover or heal from the breakup while I did that.

So instead, I decided to open up to what it was I really feeling inside.  Regardless of circumstances beyond my control . . . regardless of how it may appear to the rest of the world . . . what was it that I was feeling, what was it that I was trying to cover-up or hide in myself?

When everything that is false is burned away . . . what is left?

And without fail . . . when I open back up, when I come back to life . . . so does all of my love for him.  So does my memory of him.  I remember him again.  I know he is my one . . . my penguin.  My mate.  My other half.

But instead of falling apart because of our separation and not knowing if we’ll even ever speak again . . . I surrender fully to the knowing and understanding of who he is to my soul . . . and that brings me solace.  It brings me peace . . . because I know he exists.  He’s out there somewhere.  I know his energy signature.  I feel him with me the same as when he was here in person.

Whenever I start to panic about him being so far away physically . . . or the very real possibility that I’ll never hear or see him again . . . I have to shift to a soul perspective.  From there . . . I can feel him . . . I feel joy in my being . . . I feel a love for life again.  I know that things are okay even if they don’t look like it on the outside.

In that way . . . I’m able to let him go.  I’m able to still openly feel my feelings of love for him instead of hide, repress, or pretend like they aren’t there and in doing so having to hide and repress a large part of who I am.  They are there and they will always be there in a very, very big way for me.

Even though I am very skilled in being able to distinguish very subtle changes, shifts, and differences in even the most intricate energy . . . I am unable to distinguish my own heart energy from him and my love for him.  As far as my soul is concerned . . . he *is* my heart.

I am a free spirit . . . and so is my heart.  My heart is free to be and to do whatever he chooses, I will not stand in his way.

As long as I keep surrendering to spirit and have faith in life and that things are as they are meant to be . . . I can stay in a place of love, joy, and happiness regardless of circumstances.

I’ve found my heart . . . it’s not what I expected . . . but I’m very happy to know of its existence.  I’m very happy to know that I can connect to it whenever I want to energetically . . . and for me, that is oftentimes more real than this physical life (especially while Sun is in Pisces and Jupiter in Cancer).

This is still somewhat of a shock to me . . . it’s taking a lot of time to integrate and accept and let it seep deeper into my understanding of reality.  The more it does, the more love and peace I feel for life overall . . . and the more I am able to surrender and allow life to be as it is.  The more confident I am that I am finding my way.  The more things make sense to me again . . . even if they don’t really make sense in a conventional way.

Okay . . . that’s all of the heart sharing I can handle for now.

Quan Yin

What Searches Are Being Done Online For Your Zodiac Sign?

Okay, so I was totally having some fun and doing that thing where you type in the start of a search phrase, and it shows you the top searches that fill in the rest of the phrase.  More specifically, I was doing it for the zodiac signs  “Why are {zodiac sign} so . . . ” and I had to share with you guys.

So here’s what the world is wanting to know about each zodiac sign according to bing.

ARIES

Aries

LOL . . . omg, I was already cracking up at Aries.  Why are they so mean in relationships?  Hot for scorpio men?  I had no idea that was some people’s views.  This was already proving to be a good idea as far as I was concerned.

TAURUS

Taurus

So far, it seems that what motivates people to do a search for someone other than themselves, is when something is wrong or bad . . . or hot.  Not seeing a whole lot of why are {zodiac sign} so AWESOME!

GEMINI

Gemini

Okay, so as a Gemini . . . this is both insightful and HILARIOUS to me.  Also, so far 3/3 for people wanting to know why each zodiac is so “mean”.  Sounds like a human problem vs a zodiac sign problem.

CANCER

Cancer

Okay, 4/4  for “mean”.  And . . . carnal?  Really?  What an odd vocabulary choice.

LEO

Leo

Mean, mean, everywhere mean.  A cold Leo gives me a sad.  So does a “difficult to love” Leo.  As a fire and the ruler of the heart, a lack of those in a Leo is a wilted flower.  : (

VIRGO

Virgo

Oh Virgo . . . you are not spared in the ever growing list of mean.  But you have annoying and manipulative to keep you company.  So that’s cool.

LIBRA

Libra

LOL . . . OMG, I totally busted out laughing when I saw “evil”.  The first of the zodiac signs to get that honor, and in the sign of the diplomat and peacemaker.  Priceless.

SCORPIO

Scorpio

Sorry Scorpio, but Libra already took the evil title.  You’ll also be happy to know that you share the label of complicated (complex) . . . along with your “favorite” sign of Gemini.  But guess what you do have all for yourself so far . . . lonely.  Awww.  : (

SAGITTARIUS

Sag

Okay, here we go . . . words like lucky and funny!  Leave it up to optimistic and lucky Sagittarius to break the cycle of doom and gloom.  (But still mean.)

CAPRICORN

Capricorn

Awww . . . poor insecure and sad Capricorn.  I see so many traits for Cancer which is the other side of the axis from Capricorn.

AQUARIUS

Aquarius

LOL!  So specific, “mean to pisces”.  The first zodiac sign to be called out for being mean to a specific zodiac sign.  And sexual?  Are you f#cking kidding me?  Bwahahahahaha.  No.

PISCES

Pisces

Oh I see . . . so people are seeing Pisces as being so different and weird and that pisses off Aquarius who wants to be the unique and different one . . . so they’re mean to Pisces.  Now it makes more sense.  ; )

So what I’ve learned from this is that being mean has to do with the person . . . not their zodiac sign.  I’ve also learned that people are much more focused on finding out what’s wrong with people than what’s right with people.  So what we’re actually seeing is a mix of the shadow side of these signs, as well as people assigning all of a person’s traits to a single zodiac sign (most likely their sun sign), AND their own projections onto others which really has nothing to do with the sign they’re searching.

But the result is both hilarious and priceless!