Let My Big Heart Run Free

Having such huge intense archetypes hitting personal points on your natal chart is a hoot, let me tell ya.

These are no mere mortal mood swings I’m having.  It’s like the Gods and Goddesses are having recess in my psyche.  It’s so B I G . . . E P I C . . . I N T E N S E . . . and oh so D R A M A T I C.  I feel like this could use a soundtrack.  {goes to look for mood setting music}  Ah, here’s one.  It’s like living in the middle of this all of the time (Audiomachine – Guardians at the Gate):

Actually . . . pretty much anything by Audiomachine is appropriate.

In order to let that big of an energy through . . . you have to do some heavy duty surrendering, letting go, and opening up W I D E.  Meaning, you can’t be thinking small thoughts of yourself.  If you only think tiny little human thoughts, it doesn’t give enough room to let the archetype energy through . . . and it wreaks havoc on the physical body.

However, If you don’t have some sort of discipline around dealing with that intense of an energy . . . then you stop being able to properly function as a human here in the practical day-to-day world.  You could end up in the cuckoo house.

What I’m attempting to do in the middle of my own crazy . . . is surrender to the energy to easily allow it through (which makes it go from chaotic to peaceful within seconds) . . . but to ALSO ground it into this reality.  This requires that I simultaneously open and trust the energy going through me . . . BUT stay consciously aware and consciously direct the flow of the energy.

What I just described . . . the consciously channeling the archetype energy outwards . . . is an esoteric understanding of Aquarius . . . ruler of Uranus.  Uranus is currently on my Ascendant, coming in from the other side of the Veil (Pisces/12th house) into an individual person (Aries/1st house).  So . . . in a way, archetype energy is being birthed through me, the same as a baby’s soul comes through the mom and into the baby, and then she gives birth to the baby into this physical world.  Because this is Aries and Uranus . . . it could be birthing a bunch of new ideas.

I got to thinking about this earlier this morning because I had something start to switch in me.  I was feeling the “Wrathful Mother” coming through yesterday.  She was all grumpy gills at the Black Smoke (Pluto).  But having let that rage come through . . . it started clearing out blockages in my energy.  So then what I started to experience, was a deeper letting go inside of me.  I could feel myself deeper . . . and I started to bump into a reservoir of emotions and feelings.  Ones that were SO GIGANTIC . . . that I couldn’t let them through while I was holding a grudge against Mr. Black Smoke.  I couldn’t let the grudge go, until I let myself feel SUPER ANGRY about it.

When I first gently bumped into this reservoir I *remembered* it.  “Oh yes.  Now I remember this place.”  It’s where I feel and find my Neptune/Moon in my body.  It’s roughly the area of my lower spine . . . that’s a poor way to describe it, because it’s most definitely a place outside of time and space, but the doorway TO my Neptune/Moon is in that region of my body.

It’s where I have access to what I call my Heart.  Not my human heart . . . but my Big Momma Heart.  Neptune/Moon.  Compassionate Mother.

As I poked my big toe into the reservoir, I felt . . . I felt the Dark Smoke Pluto from another perspective.  I felt his . . . aloneness.  I felt his pain and hurt.  And it touched a bigger part of me . . . the Momma part of me.  I felt my bigger Heart s w E L L  HUGE.  I felt an understanding and love for what this being or archetype had gone through himself.  It’s not easy being the Devil.

So I could let it go . . . I could let the anger go that I felt towards that energy, and in doing so it gave me greater access to a deeper love and peace in me.

Then I had a clearer understanding of what I’m doing here.  That this large reservoir is related to my purpose.  That everything up to now has been preparation for me to be able to handle this larger archetype energy through and into this world.  These great.big.momma.feelers.  They are so huge that I can’t let them through while I pretend I’m a small nobody.  I can’t let them through while I’m holding onto anything that isn’t real.  I can’t let them through while I’m being self conscious.

Those things were in place in order to keep those big feelings from destroying me before I was ready . . . but I’m ready now.  So I have to let go of those limited, small thoughts in order to become what I came here to be and do.  I have to completely change my approach and perspective to life.  Let myself love big.  Let myself feel big.  Let my Big Heart run free.

Level Mom

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