The Rising Has Begun

I’ve had to take a little bit of time to think.

I’ve found myself wandering into new scenery and I’m having to move a little slower than usual to take in all the new sights and understand what is going on.

I feel very much how I’d imagine Alice in Wonderland felt when she found herself in a strange new land, including the mindless need to repeatedly say, “Curiouser and curiouser”.

Whenever we move into new phases in our lives, there is a transition period where you’re having to adjust from how you used to see yourself to how you are now starting to see yourself.  For example, when you move out of adolescence and into adulthood.

I am going through one of those shifts right now . . . except I didn’t know I’d experience a shift of this nature at my age.  I thought that once you made it solidly into adulthood . . . that you didn’t experience another shift of this nature until you were more towards the retiring years.  So . . . I guess previously I had thought (subconsciously), “This is it for me.  I never quite bloomed, but I didn’t quite fail miserably either.”

But then I start to wonder to myself . . . whether I had never fully matured in the first place.  I know they talk about someone being a late bloomer . . . but what does that even mean?  (<– has no idea.)  And because I’ve been known to take things to the extreme, I wouldn’t put it past me to take being a “late bloomer” to a whole new level.

When I really think about the whole concept . . . and the more I take stock on the whole of my life so far . . . the more it starts to dawn on me that no, I never really did bloom.  I never really did come out of my shell, or come into my own, or however you want to say it.

Things are beginning to feel different to me.  People are responding differently to me.  I’m responding differently . . . but it still somehow feels natural to me.  It all feels like a natural unfolding or product of the flow of life.  I have these moments where I start to see or more fully understand what is going on with me, and I start to tear up.  “It’s happening.”

Those moments come with realizations that everything up until now has been preparation in building a solid foundation within myself.  I have been learning, watching, observing, taking notes, contemplating, philosophizing, experimenting.  I have been taking my slow methodical turtle-like way through life.

Also in those moments, I become aware that I’ve been one of many people standing in a large crowd.  A large crowd of people who have been looking all around . . . high and low . . . far and near . . . to see who is in charge.  I’ve been one of the ones who have been waiting for a leader to appear.  Waiting for someone to step up.

And then suddenly becoming aware that slowly over time, more and more eyes had started to turn my way . . . and it dawning on me that the reason I can’t find the leader I’m looking for . . . is because I am her.  I am the leader that I’ve been looking for.

That’s what those moments feel like to me.

They make me start to cry because in those momentary flashes, I see myself in a way I’ve never seen before.  I become overwhelmed with emotion, because I really didn’t know . . . I really didn’t see my value up until this point.  So these flashes are a shock to my whole world perception.

{flash} “I matter?” {flash}

{flash} “I have something of value to offer others?” {flash}

I feel in an (almost) effortless manner, the person . . . the woman that I have always known myself to be inside, is starting to show herself on the outside.  It very much feels like a Disney moment where a wand is swished and a transformation takes place.  Except it’s in much slower motion.  So . . . maybe a time lapse of a couple of months speeded up would be more accurate.

But not any less magical.

I’m finding that the peacefulness that comes over me in those moments, is because I finally feel validated by life in general.  I feel a renewal in faith . . . in knowing that there truly was a reason that I went through everything I did.  I feel very humbled and satisfied inside . . . I no longer feel any need to try and prove anything . . . not even to myself.  I feel like I can let go of trying to force a purpose to my life just to make it tolerable.

I know that no matter what . . . I am okay.  That everything is going to be okay.  That everything *is* okay.

I feel complete confidence that I have been thoroughly prepared for whatever life has in store for me next.

I know I was made for *this* . . . whatever *this* is . . . because I don’t know yet what any of it means.  I am only starting to sense that the something I’ve been preparing for . . . for many, many lifetimes . . . is now beginning to come into physicality.  I feel it swelling in me while I shift and transform into something new.

I am surprised by what’s happening . . . while simultaneously remembering that I had been planning this all along at some other, long-forgotten level in my being.

I feel something wonderful . . . loving . . . powerful . . . rising in me.

Something new to this life . . . but ancient to time.

And I do not feel that I am alone in this.

Something at a deep level in humanity is happening right now.

Something has begun.

Something that we have been waiting for.

No one will be left unaffected.

In the end, we will all be transformed.

Even though it may still be too subtle for you to feel . . . even though it may still be too quiet for you to hear . . . even though it may still be too translucent for you to see . . . that *something* you have been waiting for . . . has begun.

Why Bear

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