Reporting Live From The Top Of The Rollercoaster

So the day has finally arrived.  dun Dun DUN! O.O

Transiting Uranus . . . is exactly conjunct my Ascendant.

Asc. 9 degrees 18 minutes? Check.  Uranus 9 degrees 18 minutes?  Check.

Asc. 9 degrees 18 minutes? Check. Uranus 9 degrees 18 minutes? Check.

{Why is she making such a goddamn big deal about this?}

I’ll tell you why . . . because it’s like trying to birth the ACTUAL planet of Uranus THROUGH my little human body.  And the labor has been going on for months.  I’m pooped out, but the universe is screaming at me to “PUUUUSSSSSHHHHHH!” this insanely chaotic energy through my being and to just *suddenly* be different.

Illustration helps move the story along (said some wise co-worker of mine in response to one of my novel length emails.)  So today I shall add lots of pictures.

There’s how I (may) appear on the outside to others during this transit.  And then there’s what is really going on inside.

Right now it feels like I’m at the top of a rollercoaster.  A rollercoaster that I don’t remember asking to get on.  A rollercoaster that is so high up, I have to have an oxygen mask on in order to breathe.  And I’m *jusssst* now reaching the tippety top . . . and getting my first view of what lays before me.

I’m not *quite* centered and ready for what’s coming, but I have no control over the situation.  Whether I’m ready and centered or not is irrelevant.  The universe has a schedule to keep, tick tock Ms. Jenn . . . . tick tock.

So there’s my inner child.  She’s looking around her to try and pickup from other’s reactions whether she should be terrified or just go with it.  Currently she’s doing this:

How little girl me feels about it.

How little girl me feels about it.

Next, is my Saturn . . . my inner parent and responsibility advisor extraordinaire.  Saturn is trying to apply the brakes, but realizing that someone greased them . . . and there’s nothing he can do about it right now.  So he’s applying the brake energy where it will be put to good use, and is in a constant state of trying to keep me from doing this:

How my natal Saturn feels about it.

How my natal Saturn feels about it.

But at the SAME time, my Sun/Jupiter in Gemini is looking around to see what fun we could have while we’re here and strapped in for the ride:

What my Gemini wants to do.

What my Gemini wants to do.

Except then there’s Pluto, the dark lord of the underworld, who is in opposition to transiting Uranus on my ascendant.  He’s also still holding a grudge over being demoted from full planet status, and has been plotting to take down the other planets.  So, he’s quietly whispering threats into my ear that nobody else can hear:

The pressure I'm feeling from Pluto.

The pressure I’m feeling from Pluto.

Which triggers all that terrorizes me inside, and nobody else can see:

What I'm now perpetually doing 24/7 in my head.

What I’m now perpetually doing 24/7 in my head.

And then there’s the star of the show, Uranus.  He’s like, “Guys!  Guys!  Guys.  Come on.  Keep cool.  It’s cool.  There’s no need to lose your head.  Just let me do my thing, and it will all be okay.  What?  Oh . . . the people coming at you?  Oh, you mean the people running and screaming in your wake?  Pffffft.  That’s nothing . . . don’t worry about them.  You’re not being weird or chaotic AT ALL.  Let them deal with their own stuff.  It’s not your fault they can’t handle your awesome.  We’re just going to loosen some things that have become stuck, that’s all.  Nothing major. {Stifled laugh.}

What Uranus wants to do.

What Uranus wants to do.

So yeah.  That’s happening.

What it means, is that I’m currently under radical construction.  I’m learning a new way of existing in my life.  And like a kid I’m having to try this out and that out, and it’s all going to be weird and awkward as I adjust and learn how to be this new thing.

While Uranus was transiting through my 12th house, he went through and cleaned out my closet.  He went through there like a goddamn tornado.  A 10+ year tornado.  Ripping up stuff I didn’t even know existed in there.  I don’t KNOW where that god-forsaken ugly green shag rug came from, Uranus, okay?!  Just . . . get rid of it.  God.

And while I’m actually looking forward to have him leave my closet finally, and ending my decade of hyper-sensitive oh-my-god-there-is-acid-running-through-my-veins-it-burns-it-burns-oh-no-that’s-just-Uranus-entering-Aries-while-still-in-my-12th-house-and-pumping-fire-electricity-adrenaline-through-my-entire-body-nonstop-and-forcing-a-new-self-awareness-in-order-to-survive reclusiveness . . . I’m feeling kind of iffy about what he’s going to do to my house of Self.

My suspicion is that I’m just going to be taking all of the things I learned while he was in my 12th house, and start personifying those lessons.  Bring those new ideas he planted in me all those years ago, and start showing and sharing them to others.  That’s my hunch.

So love me or hate me or don’t.  (Wait, what?)  Having gone through Uranus’s version of purification while he was in my 12th (and Pluto’s jaunt across my MC), I have a lot less . . . fear in me.  Things that used to trip me the hell out and cause me to go running and screaming to the nearest shelter . . . now has me going. “Eh.”  And not because I’m jaded or have given up, but because I was given perspective.

We (I) have been taking ourselves (myself) WAY to seriously.  There is serious stuff happening, yes.  But if you’re scared or stressed TOO much . . . you need to zoom out.  You need to expand and see from a much, much bigger perspective.  You can always zoom out further.  If you’re already out in space (also moi), then you need to zoom in.  You need to get more in touch with the details and day-to-day.  Get in body, get grounded . . . s l o w  d o w n.  Not everything you do is as important or as urgent as you’ve led yourself to believe.  It’s just not.

What does that last paragraph have to do with the rest of this post?  Nothing.  That’s what.

Comments

  1. This post blew me away!

    (and yes, I’ve forgotten what I was going to say on the previous post but it ties in with this one… I tried to squish the memory out but it’s gone).

    Here’s the thing, I fell in love on an actual roller coaster and we’re still riding it (not the actual coaster but the metaphorical one… ’cause that would be weird if it was literal). ‘Our’ song is the creepiest Disney ride ever! I wonder how many other couples have that song as their song? Survey time? No…

    One of the first things I said to you in a shy little comment on an awesome Uranus post was – Welcome to the Uranus in the 1st club. At least that’s how I recall it.

    Natal or transit… you’re in for the ride you’ve just expressed beautifully and just wait until it hits Mars/Venus… KABLAM! I can’t recall Uranus hitting my Mars or Venus… but this is Aries and not my secretive Mars in Scorp or let’s not bother other people but please them Venus is Pisces 😉

    So… from someone who just had the Uranus vs Uranus opposition which transformed me as I knew me and made me the bold pain in the agent of chaos patootie on the outside whom I always was on the inside… you’re going to enjoy this more if you scream!

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    • Thanks anupturnedsoul! (I just read that as ‘a nupturned soul’ . . . what is wrong with me?)

      So far, I *think* I’m liking Uranus in the 1st better than the 12th. And thanks for the 1st house Uranus club welcome.

      LOL @ enjoying this more if I scream. I would *love* to scream, but Saturn is trying so hard not to puke . . . that if I were to try and scream . . . there would be more than sound coming out. But then again . . . is it the *worst* thing in the world to throw up? I usually feel better afterwards. So . . . maybe I will just let myself start screaming. 😀

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      • What is right with you!?! I love that! a nupturned soul… hmmm… How are you? Oh, I’m feeling a little nupturned today… I like that as a word.. a lot… 😀

        My blog name is an anagram, a nod to my dyslexia which makes my mind a natural anagram generator and makes reading things very funny even and especially serious news.

        I was having a conversation with you in my head when your reply popped up and said hi. I was explaining the ‘inappropriate’ thing… me trying to explain something is inappropriate… anyway it’s connected to shenanigans and how I enjoy taking the P out of myself. I have Monty Python, The Mighty Boosh, Not the Nine O’clock News, and a motley crew of all sorts of funny people living inside my head and making life seem like a comedy sketch even and especially when I don’t feel like laughing.

        I was reading something last night about the relationship between Saturn and Uranus in astrology. I find exploring the mythology side of the planet helps to get a rounder picture of it – have you ever explored Saturnalia, gives a very different side to Saturn – the Saturnalia, a time of feasting, role reversals, free speech, gift-giving and revelry (from Wiki).

        There are many creative ways to scream… your Gemini will enjoy finding them 😀

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        • LOL . . . thanks for the bit about a nupturned soul . . . that gave me a good laugh.

          What’s your blog name an anagram for? (Seriously, you’re just going to throw it out there and then think you’re going to get away with not saying? pfft.)

          I LOVE that you have conversations with people in your head like I do. That is stupid awesome! (I just made that up. I’m hoping it catches on like, “that’s so sick” or “that’s so phat”. Okay, I’m lying, I don’t hope it catches on. I don’t want to be the douche that started something like those last two phrases.)

          Saturnalia . . . I’ll have to take a look at that.

          Oh! And the “inappropriate” thing – ha! I had actually meant that the essence of Virgo was raising it’s eyebrow at me. So . . . the way I feel/experience energy, for much of it I have been able to connect it to a zodiac sign/planet. Astrology has given me a way to communicate easier what’s going on in the crazy world of Jennland.

          I recognize the feeling of Virgo because of my son, and I do sense it with you too. It’s the feeling of . . . being cared for, nurtured by the person. More than one morning I’ve been feeling kind of BLECK, and read a couple of your responses to me and then I’m feeling all nurtured/accepted/loved . . . and it’s a distinct feeling that I only experience with people who have an emphasis of Virgo in their charts, and only if they’ve put a lot of work into healing themselves in order to open to another and let that Virgo energy go outwards to another person.

          There’s another distinct Virgo feeling I know of, that is more of the shadow side . . . the critical part . . . the need to have things perfect, technical, etc. So when I wrote that second comment, I was feeling that energy going through me like a wave. But, I was not feeling it coming from you or anyone. It’s like it was just some Virgo-essence floating through me on it’s way from here to there or where ever it is Virgo energy does when not a part of a person.

          It may be that I still had in my mind from your comment that you were telling your Virgo to hush . . . I thought of it . . . and it called the Virgo energy to me and instead of letting it go through me, I held onto it . . . annnnd then felt I had to post the correction in order to release it from me.

          (Annnnd cue circus music.)

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          • OoooHHH! Got it now!!!! I had an ultra DOH! I just went off-piste completely on the Virgo/inappropriate thing and then smacked into a tree and a pine cone fell on my head scattering pine nuts everywhere and the squirrels came to my rescue.

            Sigh! I didn’t realise you were correcting yourself, it just didn’t even occur to me, especially as everything looked copacetic.

            Some days I am oblivious to the obvious and take a detour to get to it, but I often end up taking detours from my detour…

            You are so beautiful!!!

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            • LOL – The fact that I just explained my weird ass energy feeling feelers via astrology signs to explain why I felt the need to correct something . . . and then YOU respond by saying that some days you are oblivious to the obvious . . . makes me like you so much more!

              LOL – seriously . . . the way you originally interpreted it *is* the more obvious explanation! If you hadn’t replied like you did, I would have never known it was something that might get misunderstood. So . . . you see? That helps me! Who knows how many times someone got offended when I said something like that, and I had no idea why? Now it’s something I’ll be more aware of in any future interactions I have with people.

              This is exactly *why* I like open conversations . . . it helps shine light on things about ourselves that is in the dark and doesn’t understand.

              I am very happy that you responded like you did! I very much value understanding these kinds of things. 😀

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              • I wasn’t offended I was worried (Virgo rising/Moon + Pisces Venus also opp asc/Moon square Nep) that you thought my use of the word ‘inappropriate’ was a me-judging-you thingy nit-picky Virgo style. This Virgo doesn’t use the analytical side that way, and I was like…. oh noes, I may have caused her to feel judged by a judgy-judge. Anxiety attack due to confusion. I got the whole thing wrong because I was reading what you had written while totally distracted (by stuff going on elsewhere which had knackered my reasoning and logical faculties) and I confused myself (Nep in 3rd). Then I confused you. Sorry about that. (#>.<#)

                I love open conversations, especially between self aware people… just sometimes my mind is floating in the strange-funny clouds – I saw a very weird-funny cloud last night. I was having a convo with my partner about different types of minds and how they perceive the same idea. I was using astro too. He's an earth mind and I'm an air head. We were talking about our house potentially falling down or bursting, it was some hypothetical scenario, in his version the house collapsed in an earthy way, and my version involved flying 😉 Then I saw this weird looking cloud and it made sense of everything.

                Later that day I totally misread your comment and jabbered jabber cause by worrying worry… and right now I have a migraine and there's a pneumatic drill outside which woke me up too early on my day off which I was taking off to rest but life is a funny bug…. and I reply to comments when I'm asleep 😉

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                • LOL @ “oh noes, I may have caused her to feel judged by a judgy-judge.”!

                  Oh wait . . . nevermind, I’m LOL-ing at the whole comment. LOL 😀

                  (Hmmm . . . Hypothetical house falling down and the different ways different minds would perceive that happening . . . very intriguing. )

                  Like

  2. Jenn, you are a great writer! I will be curious to hear how Uranus plays with you!

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    • Hey thanks Astrologerpeg! I appreciate hearing that from someone with a Gemini MC! So you probably have Uranus transiting your 8th house? I’d ask how that was coming along, but . . . 8th house and all, mum’s the word. I had that transit in Scorpio when I was a little girl (assuming that *is* the house it’s transiting for you). As well as having Pluto transit my 8th house.

      Around that time (shortly after Pluto moved into 8th house), we were at Frankfurt Airport in Germany waiting to get on a plane to come here. The morning after we arrived here, we got the morning paper, and on the front page was a picture of the place we had spent who knows how many hours waiting for our plane. Shortly after takeoff, a bomb had gone off in that area of the airport. It’s no wonder little girl me can become so frightened. Good times, good times.

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      • Yes Uranus has just entered my 8th house about a degree ago…….I’m a bit concerned over this “death and other people’s money” thing. eeks!

        I think I am past involvement in a sudden exciting sexual relationship unless it’s with my husband. Hope I get to keep him around for a long time and all stays ok with our relationship of 29 years!

        As for you, are you planning to be rebellious or break free of something soon, and if not, are you ready for Mr. Uranus to do something exciting for you?

        Like

        • Having Uranus in Scorpio in 7th (slightly different breed of horse), it’s been about looking at the whole subject of intimacy and all things pluto colored, from a completely different way than current standards.

          For example, most people I’ve met with Uranus in Scorpio are very much for the idea (most especially me) of the individuals in a marriage or committed relationship getting their own separate room and only sharing a space when they are actually being intimate. (Or maybe, if resources allowed, a room for both to share and then ALSO each get their own room for when they need to be alone.)

          It’s also been about bringing into question why we have the intimate relations that we have. Do they still NEED to be that way, or do we need to re-evaluate them to make sure they still fit who we are as a human race. Obviously the whole gay marriage thing falls into this category. But I think also ideas like does it HAVE to just be 1 man and 1 woman in an intimate relationship. Are there reasons why it can’t be 2 women and 1 man or 1 woman and 3 men? Not to say that by natural law it should or shouldn’t be that way . . . only that it’s time to take another look at whether it’s still right for us or if there is a new, creative way to do all things Scorpio that would actually work better for us now.

          My intention is for me to be the one rebelling . . . because I’m controlling like that 😉 Actually my post today about being tired of the fight . . . I think is Uranus breaking something free in me. It’s been a hoot and a holler.

          Like

  3. HeyJenn.. this is just inspired.. so glad I found you via anupturnedsoul .. I have Uranus in the first and I loved the dialogue you put up with the photos.. you found words for experiences I have had including the burning and pushing which is part of a protracted birthing deathing process when Uranus and Pluto hit us… at any one time we not under one influence but multiples esp with Pluto and Uranus now square… I think what anupturned wrote to check out the mythology of Saturn and Uranus is a good point….Saturn tried to swallow all of his children and was threatened by Uranus which he sees as a destructive force… its a dynamic dance to integrate these two….And wonder if with Saturn in Leo any time you try to express or create there is a stopper or parent type critical energy in you sanctioning your creative self, if so you seem to be really moving past it…

    I have Saturn on Mars and Moon natally and I get so much self judgement on my self expression at times or others misunderstanding me..or just looking scared when I let the truth out (I read Stephen Forest on Pluto in the First and he explained this as I have Pluto with Uranus in the first house). In order to grow I have had to answer back the inner critic.. at one point it tried to kill me and I externalised it in a piece of writing I called Destruction 11:11… in that writing the energy told me how it wanted my inner child dead and how from age of 6 she had been bound up… I had a dream I was in a clothing dressing room and I had a dress on but could not get it off as I was stitched into on my right shoulder.. at night I twist this shoulder which was spun out of its socket by my father swinging me round (maybe at age 6??) I don’t have a conscious memory of it but my body/psyche does…

    Anyway sorry if I got off track….when you study the Saturn Uranus myth (I seem to recall that Howard Sassportas book Gods of Change goes into it in depth) Venus is actually birthed from the struggle between Uranus and Saturn….Liz Greene talks about how it is a struggle to manifest in concrete Saturnian form the vision the wild inspirations of Uranus….and anyway forms are constantly morphing anyway…. cause if they don’t Uranus bursts them apart

    Anyway your blogging is very Uranian and inspiring and I can really feel that energy bursting through your ascendant…

    Like

    • My Saturn in Leo – yes, in fact communicating or expressing myself at all was stifled at a young age. While you wouldn’t know it now . . . but I spent the first few decades (until Saturn return) of my life as more or less a mute. I did speak, and on occasion I spoke too much. But expressing my own thoughts and inner feelings or even being capable of putting words to what I had inside me to share and say . . . nothing. I couldn’t get it out. It’s been a long, long, long, long process for me to be writing any of the things I write here.

      It started with getting my dreams written down in a dream journal. Then writing in a journal in general. Then giving myself permission to write stuff that I felt, but that I might get punished for if someone were to read it. (EEEEEEK!) Then writing stuff that I was only feeling in the moment . . . *without* trying to justify why I wasn’t being consistent, or feeling like because the feeling changed later that I wasn’t in that moment “lying” about what I was saying originally. All kinds of mind-fluffs that my Gemini mercurial nature got me in trouble with the plutonic people in my life.

      That alone was years and years of just personal journal writing. THEN . . . I’ve spent years becoming comfortable with writing ANYTHING online. Took me about a year before I got comfortable enough to even register on an online forum, and then several months to get up the courage to write a single comment. (Which would take me days and days to regain my emotional equilibrium because of the connection I would feel with my Neptune/Moon from all the others on the board reading my reply.) <– If that's not crazy-making I don't know what is.

      So . . . on and on . . . baby step . . . regain equilibrium. Baby step, fall back, regain equilibrium. Until now . . . with this blog. Total Capricorn/Saturn process. Even now, (and some of this is my Taurus Mercury and 2nd house Sun/Jupiter), I have to move slow and steady. I do what I can, then I might be out for a day or two with no post/no replies because I HAVE to regain equilibrium and steadiness before I can continue. If I'm not feeling it, I can't do it. If I do, my Saturn yanks me back a couple of steps and tells me to try again.

      LOL at "or just looking scared when I let the truth out" <— I totally understand that! My eyes get all big O.O like OOPS, and then I'm waiting for the poop to hit the fan and wondering how much is coming my way.

      That was an amazing story about how your inner critic wanted your inner child dead! Wow! That's some deep stuff going on there. Holy moly.

      I have that book the Gods of Change (actually so far, every single astrology book mentioned between you and anupturnedsoul, I have in my bookcase. I have a LOT of astrology books. 😀 I will have to go yank that book out and give it a look! Thanks!

      I super duper appreciate your feedback and sharing. I love it!!

      Like

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