If You Think Your Poop Don’t Stink, Then You Can GTFO

It’s important for me to interact with others.  It’s from interacting with others, that I am able to see myself more clearly.

However for that to be effective, it requires a couple of things.

The person needs to have a certain amount of self awareness.  They need to have a working knowledge of who they are distinct and separate from the others around them. (<–why did I word that like a job description?  I am so weird.)

The person also needs to have a certain amount of openness and trust of others so that they aren’t so closed up and defensive about every little thing that comes out of someone else’s mouth (especially before attempting to understand what was actually meant by the person).

These things are important to me for many reasons.

I am effectively blind to myself.  I need feedback and reflections from others regarding what they see when they interact with me.  I know I have a 1st house full of Self.  But I also have very few aspects to that house from the rest of my chart, so it’s kind of an island out on its own.  I also have an asteroid (and if I have the time I’ll look up which oddball asteroid it is) in my 1st house, that basically describes just that . . . I can’t see me.  I don’t just have blind spots . . . I am completely invisible to myself.  I require the assistance of others to help me see me.

So . . . when I was younger, whenever someone said something to me about me I believed it.  I tried it on for size to see how it fits.  It gave me something to work with, where as before I had nothing.  Eventually I would find all of the ins and outs of what I was told, as well as how much was true for me and how much was actually true for the other person.

My initial motive and interest with others in life, was for no other reason than to *see* myself.  Not in being better than others.  Not in being less than others.  Not in having power over others.  Not for the million reasons that have been projected onto me for why I am like I am or why I do what I do.  In the past, I have been the scapegoat and evil villain in many stories . . . and I did believe them to be true (for the reasons others gave) because I had not been shown that I was anything other than that.

I feel like I have lived life a little inside out from others.  Like I backed into life upside down and inside out.

My 7th house has Uranus in Scorpio and Pluto conjunct the descendant in Libra.  The others in my life, were not very open and honest about what was really going on.  They were completely focused on looking good for others, not in being honest, open, and real.  So these are the people I looked to growing up, in order to understand who I was.  I was very reliant in feedback from them to know myself.  I did not know that they weren’t being open and honest with me.  I didn’t understand that sometimes things are said out of fear or anger and aren’t necessarily true.

So, if in a fit of rage someone were to direct it at me and say, “You are so fucking stupid!”  . . . I fell apart inside, because I was wide open and accepted everything as truth.  The naiveté of Aries.  It went straight to my core, it became my identity.  I couldn’t readily undo it.  I might walk around for months hearing that yelled in my head and feeling crushed because I was such a disappointment.

Now is that the fault of the person who did it?  Not really.  I mean, yeah it’s a pretty crappy thing to yell at a kid . . . but the missed opportunity in that moment when I was younger, was in it being explained to me that the yelling had everything to do with what was going on inside that person and was their thing to own and understand.  And that my response to what they had done, had to do with something going on inside of me that would be valuable for me to learn more about . . . to become aware of and understand for myself.

The person yelling, cannot be held solely responsible for how everyone else responds to them.  How can that one person keep in their head how every single individual is that they come in contact with (including ones they haven’t even met before), and adjust (hide, restrict, suppress) themselves accordingly in order to not offend or hurt anyone?  That’s absolutely insane.  And yet that’s exactly what most of us are taught to do.  (Is there any wonder that projection runs rampant in modern day society?)

But back to me.  (<– yep . . . I am the center of my universe.  Where else should I be . . . the center of your universe?  That’s silly.  That’s where you’re supposed to be.)

So anyways, growing up consisted of everyone throwing their shit at me.  From a very young age, I was first made aware of my dark side.   I grew up in a constant state of fighting to come to peace inside with the fact that I was the devil incarnate.  Not in a defensive way . . . but in the way that innocent children do all things, openly and with their whole heart.

Some people grow up thinking they’re the bees knees and that their shit don’t stink, and later in life have to come to terms with facing the stinkiness of their shit.  Whereas, I grew up thinking only my shit stinks, and everyone else’s was roses.

I *think* my soul knew what it was doing when it chose this life, but the jury in my head is still out on that.

So I get my dark side.  I get other people’s dark side.  Btw, this isn’t a challenge from me to you.  I’m not interested in proving this to anyone.  It’s exhausting and it has become boring.

However in order for me to become balanced and whole, my challenge is to now come to peace with the lighter side in me.  I rarely have that reflected back to me because I need to change how I interact with others in order to stop inviting the people into my life who refuse to acknowledge their OWN dark side and shadows, but are happy to continually point out mine.

It has been incredibly helpful to me for others to reflect my dark back to me so that I’m aware of that part of me, but I’m quite done with it.  I get it.  I’m TOO aware of it.

Being around more self-aware people means that they are less likely to try to project and make me own their own demons.  I’m not expecting perfection, not by any means, but if the other person doesn’t have enough awareness, then I become battle weary in trying to deflect incoming demons being lodged at me from behind their wall of “NOT MINE EVER!”

I need the person to be open and trusting.  Not wide open and over trusting . . . but coupled with enough awareness in order to be able to discern for themselves whether an issue is truly their own.  They need to be open to seeing their own darkness (and furreals . . . not in a distant objective detached philosophical sort of way).  Not blindly accept it, but not blindly deny it.

At the very least, be capable of having an honest discussion in order to further distinguish and understand for both of our sakes.  There are instances where something new happens in an interaction, and I honestly don’t know whose “thing” it is.  If it’s mine, I want to know.  I want to be able to own it.  If it’s not mine, I want to know.  I don’t want to own something that isn’t mine.  It’s not about winning/losing for me.  It’s about truth, openness, and honesty.  Because nothing feels better to me in the whole wide world than to be me . . . all of me . . . the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I just want the goddamn truth.

Much of this is has to do with my Neptune/Moon conjunction in Sagittarius.  I feel comfortable and at home when Truth is being spoken.  I feel safe and okay to be open (intimacy . . . moon in 8th house), when there is Truth between me and another.  It is no surprise to me that I find so little comfort in this world . . . there is so little Truth being spoken.  So many are hiding from themselves and each other.  It also relates to my Gemini Sun conjunct Jupiter in my 2nd house.  I feel secure when I understand.  I don’t want to judge and rule people for Christ’s sake . . . I just don’t feel safe at all when I don’t understand what is really going on.

Not only that, but regarding Gemini Sun/Jupiter conjunction . . . that is a lot of damn light(ness) going on.  But where is it?  {Looks around innocently with hands up in question}  Where’d it go?  Where is the fun, silly, light-hearted part of me?  Well . . . that’s my current quest.  I’ve lived a life thinking I’m only Pluto . . . that I’m only my shadow.  I’m now more interested and motivated to explore my lighter side.  My fun and laughter side in order to round out my understanding of my shadow.

I’m only now beginning to be able to communicate more effectively to others what it is I’m needing in relationships, because whenever I’ve tried to explain it in the past, it was taken in a completely different way than I meant it.  It took me some time to sort through all of “the requests from me/responses from others” within myself over the years to see how/where/why communication broke down.  (And btw, a shoutout to An Upturned Soul who has been tremendously helpful for me recently with her voicing her own struggles, in helping me become more clear about what it is I’m trying to communicate/say.)

For example, I’m not interested in blind praise.  I think I can thank Saturn in Leo for that.  I’m not looking for someone to puff up my pride.  I don’t need you to tell me I’m pretty or that I’m special or that I’m awesome.  Mostly because I don’t understand what that means or what is meant by that.  Often general statements like that are also projections.

I think you’re pretty {because it’s important to me that I be called pretty, it’s something I value . . . so I’m giving you a compliment by saying you’re pretty.}  Except that’s not a compliment to me.  It doesn’t actually mean anything to me.  So if you wish to say it because you really feel it, then please do.  What I learn about you from that . . . is that you value looking good.  And that’s cool.  I’m actually glad to learn that about you, because it’s something about you that is different from me.  I value *that* understanding more . . . than the fact that you think I’m pretty.

But if you’re only saying I’m pretty because you assume that’s what I value and what I want to hear from you (in order to get on my good side so that you can get something from me), then that is not seeing me.  That’s you seeing me as an extension of you.  I don’t want to be you.  I want to be me.  I want you to be YOU.  I don’t want to be someone else’s illusion . . . I don’t want others to be an illusion to me.  I want TRUTH.  I want REAL.  Not niceness and kindness for the sake of niceness and kindness.  That’s . . . ugh . . . it is so limiting!!!

I am interested in seeing you for who you are and NOT as an extension of myself or to use you in an attempt to validate my own self illusions.

So to wrap this up . . . before my head starts spinning like the exorcist, going forward I’m going to be actively approaching life in a new way so that I’m able to start seeing the lighter and brighter side of me.

This means my response to others will change.  I’m not asking others to change their response to me.  You just do what you do however you want to do it.  But what you get back from me going forward, may be different.  I’m going to make sure I’m all extra awkward and weird about it too.  (<– not really try to be, it will occur naturally)

I will though, be holding others responsible for themselves.  I don’t want to hold other’s garbage for them anymore.  I’m also tired of keeping my mouth shut so that I don’t offend anybody.  I’m totally expecting and accepting that I’m going to piss people off.  I’m going to offend.  People will leave here with their panties in a wad.

Not because that’s my intent or focus, but because that’s a common response when people get stripped bare.  I have been getting stripped bare my entire life.  Don’t think I don’t know how it feels.  That’s ALL I know.  But now, if you come around me, by default you are going to be stripped bare.  That’s all I want in my space.  Openness, honesty, trust.  I need everything to be out in the open.  That’s where I feel safe.  That’s where I feel okay.  You want to be in my space, then that is what you can expect.  It’s your choice to come or go.

Okay . . . not everything . . . for example, I don’t need to know that you like to play with barbies while you sit on the toilet.  I’m open to having a discussion on what I even mean by “everything out in the open”.  If you were being defensive, you may have responded with “I’m not telling that bitch EVERYTHING about me!  Who does she think she is?!?!”  If you were being open you may have responded with “I wonder what she means by that?” and if it was important enough for you to know . . . you’d ask me.

My focus will be on staying true at all times inside and out.  And just because I’m not all sugar and spice and everything nice in my communications, is not so much because I’m evil . . . but because I’m striving towards always being true.  I care more about truth than I do in looking like the good guy. I always have.  That is what is at my center.

So, if you need others to always be nice and kind and sweet with you because you are fragile and sensitive and you think that is what it means to be respectful . . . then you can GTFO.

If you think being passive with me or tip-toeing around me means I’m not going to call you out on your shit when you’re shoveling it . . . you can GTFO.

If you’re more interested in playing the victim your whole life instead of doing something about it, then you can GTFO.

However, if you’re interested in starting to see what is real in life and what is true both in others and yourself, then GTFIH (Get The Fuck In Here).

If you’re interested in learning a new way of being and of being in relation to others, then GTFIH.

If you’re interested in seeing what experiencing life in a fun and warm-filled way is like, then GTFIH . . . and let’s hug it out!

funny-cat-cone-head

Comments

  1. Hi Jennifer,
    You have an intuitive grasp on who you are.
    From the information provided in this blog, and speaking from an Astrological point of view, it looks like you are lacking in the element of “Earth” in your natal chart.
    Consequently, you will tend to attract others who have this element dominating in there natal charts. This is because all of us, weather we are conscious of it or not, strive to fulfill “wholeness” in our selves and throughout our life. If we lack or are short on any of the four elements, we tend to bring in to our lives the missing element(s) through relationships with others.
    Its a fascinating law of attraction at work!

    All the best,
    tallrod

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    • Hi tallrod,

      It is true that I’m weak in both Earth and Water in my natal chart, and that I’m strongest in Fire and Air.

      To help clarify, I’m not confused about why I attract the people that I do. I’ve spent a great many years learning from Earth and Water individuals. My 18 year old son is mostly Earth and Water and weak in Fire and Air. It’s been through my sincerest wish to understand who he is as an individual outside of myself, that I broke myself and my limited understanding of my world perception open, in order to make room to understand his world as he experiences it through Earth and Water.

      During this process, I began to become aware of these elements within myself. Although they were weak and quiet within me initially in my life, that is no longer the truth for me.

      My Chiron is in Taurus. That is Earth. In my effort to heal myself, I’ve been forced to find my weak element of Earth within myself and bring it to the surface. Bringing to the surface is something that Pluto, a water planet does. By getting back in touch with my feelings and emotions, instead of just intellectualizing or philosophizing about them, I have been finding my way back to wholeness.

      As I get closer to sustaining (Earth) that wholeness within myself, I am no longer doomed to wander the Earth in search of my missing elements or “other”. I am able to begin learning how to live a life that isn’t one of co-dependency where I require others in order to feel complete within myself. Being inter-dependent with others, I am then able to be with others simply because I wish to share with them in my joy and love of life. We are with each other because we each choose to be, not because we have to be.

      You said that you were basing your premise that I was weak in Earth based on information provided on this site as well as from an astrological perspective. Weak in Earth in my natal chart, yes. Weak in Earth based on information that I’ve provided in this blog, no.

      What you said may be true for you, but it is not true for me or about me.

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      • Your absolutely right Jennifer, but your mistaken in assuming that being weak in earth may be true for me. Far from it, I have 4 planets in earth element.
        In any case, good luck with your life.

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        • You misunderstood me. I did not say, assume, or even think about whether you were weak in Earth. I don’t care if you are or not. I was saying that all of the things that were said in your comment, you may feel to be your truth or to be true to you, but those things you said are not true to or for me.

          If I were to completely throw off the Libra politeness gloves, I would then say to you, that nothing that has come out of your mouth so far (aka typed in these here comments), has had any ring of truth or genuineness to them.

          Most likely you are not even aware that you are being closed or in what ways, but I’m not willing or interested in helping you with that. You will have to figure that out for yourself.

          If you want to continue to comment here, then you will need to relax your guard, share something real about yourself vs. pretending to be something or someone you’re not, and knock off the attitude (that you are passively displaying).

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    • My Saturn in 5th is horrified. But the rest of me just shoved him off the stage and is screaming and jumping up and down in utter delight! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OMG! Thank you so much! This is so incredibly meaningful to me! (Neptune/Moon speaking here) It felt surreal and . . . very healing to read what you wrote about me and my blog in the nomination. Thank you from the bottom of my trembling heart! 😀 {permanent cheese grin stuck to my face}

      (And a Virgo rising . . . duh, I should have known that with your Pluto in Virgo in the 1st . . . I so love Virgo, even in all its nitpickiness and perfection seeking . . . My son has Virgo Moon and Sun in the 5th house. Most nurturing, loving, and caring soul I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.)

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      • 😀

        Since Neptune has been transiting my 6th… the nitpickiness and perfection seeking has gone POOF! And it’s an effing relief! Happy chaos is my home 😉

        Moon in Virgo/Sun in 5th here too! 🙂

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        • OMG! No WAY! Moon and Sun in Virgo in the 5th!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Holy shit lady! I have no idea why that’s making me feel so goddamn happy, I’m just going with it! Animals . . . how do you feel about animals? Random, yes – but that’s one area where I see my son able to totally move past his teenage angst and insecurities and his Virgo comes shining out in all it’s beauty. You should see the way he is with our cats! It’s the most awesome thing to witness, not only how he is with them . . . but the way they fall and trip all over themselves in order to just be close to him. Kind of like a male version of Snow White where all the animals come to help him with chores and just be in his presence. I’m curious as to how you predominantly experience your moon/sun in virgo in the 5th.

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          • Sun in Capricorn in the 5th. Moon in Virgo in the 12th conjunct Asc.

            However… animals, especially cats – as I grew up with and was parented (long story) by them – are my friends, more so than humans. Nature just makes more sense than humans, is more logical, and love is unconditional based on action not on talk.

            Moon in Virgo is very reserved emotionally, can seem cold, but feels very deeply, often hurting without ever revealing how much. Tends to view emotions as private, not the problem of others, and deals with them alone. Can be a bit prone to feeling responsible for the well-being of others, and thus puts aside their needs for the needs of others (Virgo/Pisces axis).

            Sun, especially an Earth Sun, in the 5th has a practical approach to creativity. It has to serve a purpose which is practical – to the individual. So what does your son think is practical? And it’s related to his Moon as it’s also in the 5th.

            His creativity and self-expression will be very important to him, will be very personal, and he’ll be very hard on himself (Virgo). Virgo may seem hard, nitpicky and perfectionist to others, it’s ten times that internally. They hold other people to lower standards than the ones they have for themselves… but it rarely shows because they are very private. Thus other people think they’re only hard on them. It’s an illusion (Pisces opp).

            My partner is Virgo to the max! Stellium Pow Wow!

            Gentleness is key to helping anyone with Virgo strong in their chart. They are very hard on themselves, they need to be nudged subtly (they are very independent and will rebel at being controlled in any way, a passive/aggressive rebellion) to find their bliss. If they like something, it may be stronger than like but they’ll be afraid of showing how much (Moon in Virgo is very timid and careful). Encourage their likes very subtly (sorry Aries, ask Gemini for tips).

            Anyway… that’s my two bits.

            Animals are very healing for Virgos… very very healing!

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            • LOL – I am laughing so hard at myself right now. I *obviously* lost my mind for a bit and scattered in all of the excitement of waking up this morning to your nomination. “Seriously Jenn? The woman has Virgo rising . . . how in the hell would she have her Capricorn sun in Virgo with moon in 5th house?”

              😀

              What you got to see there, was the result of me shoving Saturn (my earth-like discipline) off the stage. I need that bad boy to keep my Sun/Jupiter Gemini scattegories and speed demon Aries in check. So, that’s what I look like when I’m not working my own internal Earth. Like an astrologer on crack.

              Love what you said about Virgo. Yes, my Aries can be too much for my Virgo boy (although his Scorpio Mars gives me a run for my money). I had been thinking about it since I wrote my comment on here last night. When my son was 12 and we had our first trip to the ER . . . if I had to pinpoint a single moment in time where I began to truly turn my life around . . . it would be that moment.

              Before then, I wanted to believe that I had more figured out than I did. I intellectually and philosophically had it all figured out. But something *was* missing in me. Something wasn’t quite connecting. But seeing your child taken away in an ambulance, makes all of a person’s ideals and illusions look ridiculous and petty in the big scheme of things.

              That’s when I first started to crack open. That’s when I first started to really let myself cry those big, heaving cries that come from the deepest pits and holes inside of you. That’s when I needed family and they stepped back. Shortly afterwards I was on emergency medical leave . . . 2 days after returning to work I was part of a company-wide layoff . . . lost my apartment . . . was homeless in a car with two cats and a young boy (we end up staying with a family friend for a bit). That’s more of what happened when Pluto crossed my MC.

              I sunk lower than I thought was humanely possible. It was also around that time that I began studying astrology. It was more to have something to keep me tied to the world so I didn’t float off or give up. I had no idea how to help my son . . . I couldn’t seem to understand him. I could see him suffering . . . I could see him closed up in his shell . . . I could see that he needed me . . . but I wasn’t able to reach him. He was in a place I both did not understand, and was also terrified of because of my childhood. It became a case of “no no no no no no no no no . . . please, anywhere but there . . . please don’t make me go in there.”

              But then astrology . . . after several months of really digging into everything I could find about it . . . it hit me that I could use it as a tool to help me see my son better. He wasn’t able to communicate to me where he was because he didn’t speak Fire/Air. I wasn’t able to communicate to him because I didn’t speak Earth/Water. But through astrology . . . it gave me a frame of reference for all the things I understood . . . and then the missing pieces that I didn’t understand.

              I’d read something about Virgo . . . they like to take information and go away alone and process it within themselves, and *then* maybe discuss it later. OMG! So I sat my son down and asked him, “Bjorn, is this true? Do you need to think about information that you’ve just received, before you’re able to discuss it?” And you should have seen him light up like I had handed him a missing puzzle piece of himself! That the actual scenario of our first break through together out of the abyss. As a Gemini . . . a more outward expression . . . I process information by talking about it out loud. I would try to talk with him to process things . . . he’d get defensive and going storming into his bedroom and slam the door. But after learning that he had a need to process internally . . . well . . . I put it into our everyday lives immediately. I made myself become very aware of when he looked like he was getting overloaded by me talking, and I would pull back. I would ask him if he needed to go be alone to process. Eventually, I taught him how to speak up to me and let me know for himself. “Mom! Timeout! I’m getting overwhelmed. Can we please be quiet for now.”

              And that was the start of us both finding our way out of the dark. I didn’t realize until just now as I was writing, what that Pluto in MC had been doing in changing my life. Everyone just said, “Oh . . . you’ll maybe change career or blah blah blah” which is so generic and meaningless. But it’s so much more intense than that. It’s the reason I’ve worked so hard to heal . . . worked so hard to see what’s real and to be that as consistently as possible. It’s the whole reason I’m even sitting here writing yet another novel in a comments section of a blog post. It’s how I found my voice again. Everything I have gained is in thanks to persevering through those very long dark nights of the soul.

              And my son . . . my son. He’s starting to shine again, just like I remember when he was a little boy. He’s finishing up his last year of high school . . . in spite of all his struggles. He is becoming an expert in a sound studio application . . . it’s a fancy program, ones that DJs use to make club, house, dupstep, etc. music . . . in true Virgo fashion, he’s learning about all of the details of it . . . what each little thing does . . . makes song after song after song . . . and they are truly amazing. This isn’t mom goggles . . . this is coming from a woman who lives for music and has an ear for it. He is blossoming with it . . . he’s found his niche. I can barely wrap my mind around what he’s doing because it’s so amazing and beautiful.

              And just yesterday as I was driving him to school . . . he said, “Thanks mom. I feel like I owe you one for having my back.” . . . it wasn’t in reference to any one thing. But it was heartfelt and time stood still for that moment. It felt like it had to do with everything, with all of this.

              {Sigh} . . . anyways . . . now that I’m grounded back in my body again and not being a dusseldorf. 🙂

              Thanks a million more times for the gift you gave me this morning. It felt like a “Happy Uranus Crossing Your Ascendant!” gift. And also like I crossed some sort of invisible barrier into a new life 😀

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              • 😀

                A badly kept secret shared – with natal Neptune in my 3rd… I actually have to check my natal chart all the time to make sure I have it right. Blur, blur, blur.

                I have dyslexia… it’s a gift and a curse, both same thing. Left is… right, right? If you catch my drift.

                Your Gemini Sun + Jupiter is a wonderful blessing (I’ve been absorbing your blog – something Nep in 3rd does, don’t worry I do know what’s you and what’s me).

                Your Gem/Jup can overwhelm a Virgo Sun/Moon but once you see as you do… you’re an inspiration just by being you openly and honestly. Virgos know how to detect BS and how to appreciate authenticity.

                Pluto is a very into the dark depths kind of teacher. In the 10th… that house which is just like Capricorn not really understood by most… career… yes but that’s just one tiny fraction of it… it’s more than that as you know. Foundations is a huge part of it. What are you building on… if it’s on sand (yep, read that post) then emotional water may cause the sand to change.

                If a Virgo says something to you, like your son did – believe it and don’t question it. Virgos are natural experts of the still waters run deep, and when they speak it may sound simple but it is profound.

                I read your post about your son. Beautiful and poignant.

                A quote… being a Virgo moon… not sure how to express emotion to others…

                “The present was an egg laid by the past that had the future inside its shell.” ― Zora Neale Hurston

                You… beautiful, trust yourself!

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                • I’ve been sitting on the couch with my son all afternoon while he tries to plow through his homework, and I’ve been sharing tidbits here and there regarding the Virgo information that you shared, and he was whole-heartedly agreeing with everything you shared about Virgo.

                  Also, it’s already helped regarding Aries –> Virgo (not so hot about) . . . I got my Aries leaping out in describing something and toned it down . . . and my son visibly relaxed a lot more once I did. Thanks so much for sharing all of this great information.

                  And also, what do you prefer I call you? I realized earlier that I reference you by the name of your blog, and how silly that would be if someone did that to me . . . “Oh here’s Show Me Who You Really Are . . . ” So let me know what you’re comfortable with me calling you . . . even if it’s “Hey you!” : )

                  Oh! And that song . . . I went to listen to it . . . and realized that it’s a song I love, but I have a different version:

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              • Pixies – where is my mind?

                That’s me in music 😉

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                • That video is from that film… can’t remember the name… great female action film! Very weird and lovely weird! Ah! Sucker Punch!

                  You are a great mom (according to me) because you recall vividly being a child, and adults often forget that part of perspective often because they want to forget it, and you apply it actively (Aries), as well as really caring and seeing your son as an individual not an extension of you as an individual who is developing and is relying on you to give guidance not orders. That requires great awareness of self and other. You are applying your Chiron in the 1st in a healing way and synchronising it with NN in 7th.

                  Parents learn from their children as much as children learn from their parents, it’s one of the beautiful aspects of parent/child. And a parent who is aware of that, like you are, well… beautiful!

                  Your Gem Sun/Jupiter… works well with your Aries rising and 1st house stellium.

                  I tend to use blog names for bloggers when directing people to a blog. I sound like a traffic warden. I mean, like in the award post… I want your blog name to be the focus as that’s your blog home and how people find you/your blog in the ocean of bloggers/blogs. If people are skim reading a post then your blog name will stand out. If I use blog name and actual name then it might confuse. Your blog name is how people find you – I’ve studied blog advice (perhaps too much of it and in an airhead way) – once they find your blog, then they can get to know your name through your blog and you, and reading your About Me and interacting with you.

                  When I’m talking to someone in comments/replies then, if they give their name which isn’t the same as the blog name, I’ll use that. Or not… since names are attached to gravatars or not because like with mine I use my blog name on the gravatar.

                  As for me personally, I’m not fussed. My name is same/different on all my internet sites. It’s Ursula but @ different things depending on social media medium.

                  I’m not that bothered what people call me as long as if they are talking to me, I know that’s what they’re doing. If they’re talking about me… that’s none of my business unless they involve me and even then it may not be a personal thing. Social media is a minefield, there’s some wonderful stuff and some shit happens kind of stuff. It can be a personal/impersonal medium, and people sometimes forget that others are humans too.

                  Ursula is a nickname someone I love/who loves and understands me gave me and it stuck – actually that nickname saved my life/sanity/something like that. I wrote about that somewhere on my blog. I love that name!

                  Since my blog is me being called upturned soul fits. It’s me.

                  Hey you is fine as long as my brain knows it’s me and not the person standing behind me 😉 Not saying I have someone always standing behind me… *checks over shoulder nervously. So, use whatever you want to refer to me, just let me know what it is so I know 😉

                  I often call myself when talking to myself, in a twisted sense of humour, term of endearment style, by expletives, one of which is an internet and social no-no. So… whatever!

                  You choose as you’re the one referring or talking to me. I’ll let you know if I hate it and you can tell me to eff off if you want to 😀 When I say I’m blunt, I mean it, and what I dish out I can take, in fact… I love the taste of bluntness!

                  As you can see… my comments are post sized rambles! Sigh! Yay! 😀

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                  • I’m gonna keep this reply short-ish, only because I left about 3 novels on your site – but wanted to say that it’s kind of nice to see someone else launch into blog post length comments.

                    And yep . . . totally get what you’re saying about names. Once reading it, and the sense it made, I realized that I had forgotten I was in a blog world. That probably makes more sense in my head than it does in that sentence. That’s my cue to take a step back from my laptop and start re-centering for my upcoming week at work. {annnnd breathe}

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  2. I’m totally interested in GTFIH…and learning what’s real and true in life, light, darkness, getting stripped bare, and the whole nine (although like you, I have been shown my supposed dark side far too long, but if it’s real and would benefit me, then bring it on).

    Don’t know where to start, but will begin by reading your posts. The Awesome Ursula introduced me to your blog today via a post and I feel landing here may be a part of my path. Don’t know squat about astrology other than I’m a capricorn…but have been learning metaphysics and LOA. (INFJ, Empath, HSP…so, very emotional but am learning to deal with it).

    I’ll just jump in as an observer for now. Really pumped about what I can learn here 😉

    Awesomeness!

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    • Wow. Respect. It takes one bad mamma jamma to be all, “getting stripped bare? bring it.” You guys are my kind of peeps. Fierce.

      GTFIH! with you and your badass self. Make yourself at home! I’ll be bringing cookies by shortly, followed by some tea. (Or whiskey straight, if that’s your preference.)

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      • Ha ha! Depends on the day. I like tea, but if the occasion warrants it, straight up whiskey is wonderful…I’m partial to Chivas 😀

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        • I was thinking about it earlier . . . and I’m not 100%, but I don’t know if I’ve even ever tried whiskey before. Or scotch. I’ve made myself so sick on vodka that I can’t even look it in the eye anymore, and tequila was my thing for awhile . . . but it makes me a little . . . too bold. If I drink now, it’s spiced rum for hard liquor or wine.

          Actually . . . rum makes me bold too.

          Years ago, when I still went to bars . . . I was feeling extra, uh . . . confident. I nearly got into an actual bar brawl with a 6 foot (183cm+) something super strong dude. (I’m only 5’9″ – 175cm) I think it was something to do with him refusing to move so I could get through or something. When I spoke up and said, “Excuse me!” he turned around and started to respond to me like I was some dude’s ass he needed to kick.

          In truth it hurt my feelings that he saw me more as a male competitor instead of a female who could use some gentleness (and yeah . . . I know it’s because I was barking at him like a dude), but my embarrassment quickly fired up into defending myself. So before he could even back down, I was all up in his face and said, “What? Whatcha gonna do? You gonna kick my ass? I will take you outside and tear you up!”

          He backed down. I’m assuming because I couldn’t be completely straight in the head to be THAT confident in a fight against him. Or he realized I was female. At any rate, I was glad he did, because once my adrenaline wore off I was horrified with myself. What on earth made me think I could take him on (I seriously thought I could in that moment).

          The rum. I blame the rum. 😉

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  1. […] responding with in the comments shortly after she let me know about the nomination. (Edit to add: Reply where Jenn loses her ever loving mind in excitement)  I wasn’t making ANY […]

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