Remembering the *Me* Needs

I learn something new about myself everyday.  Which I then promptly forget.  So that I can be all surprised when I remember again.

It’s like an endless game of peek-a-boo with myself.

“Oh!  There I am!”

“Wait!  Where’d I go?!”

Today’s peek-a-boo was regarding something I read on an Astrologer Peg’s blog post a little while ago regarding astrology rising signs, Your Rising Sign/Ascendant.  Our rising sign is the mask or outer layer we put on when we go into the world.  It’s one of a billion reasons why we don’t necessarily come across as our Sun sign . . . which is what most horoscopes focus on.

For example, I’m a Gemini Sun.  However, my rising sign is Aries.  My Venus, Mars, and (moon) South Node are also in Aries.  If you met me, you just might mistake me for an Aries vs. a Gemini.

Anyhoo, back to what was written about Aries rising.  One sentence in particular was written in a way that helped me understand myself in a new light.  (Hopefully more flattering than fluorescent.)  For Aries Rising she wrote,

Taking care of your own needs allows you to relate better to others.

There’s something in me that *knows* this, but I’ve managed to un-know it like a catrillion times.  (That’s a lot of cats.)

When my needs are taken care of, I can relate like no one’s business.  But is that what I do?  Noooooooo. (<—up and down intonation needed there.  If you read it monotone, go back and do it again, but this time right.)

The second . . . and I mean the very nanosecond that I get into a good place inside of myself, I start handing that *feeling good stuff* out to people left and right.  I become drained.  My needs quit being met.  I start to board the crazy train. (choo! choo!)

If taking care of my own needs first, helps me relate better to others as an Aries Rising . . . it goes triply so for my Aries Venus and Aries Mars.  It should be a no-brainer for me.

But here’s what I do.  AS I’m trying to meet my needs, I’m trying to take into account everyone else’s needs and adjust what I’m doing for myself to make sure everyone gets a piece of the pie.  That doesn’t work for me.  I don’t run well on half-assed met needs.

I run on premium.

I have GOT to get out of the sacrificing self business.  It’s malarkey.  Well, for me it is.  I don’t know about the rest of you nuts.  Figure yourselves out.  (<— look at me not owning other people’s stuff!  Jenn is on  f  i  r  e !  ! )

Being that way, can sometimes give other people the wrong impression.  Like, “Oh, you’re so self centered.”  or   “You don’t think or care about other’s feelings.”  But guess what?  That’s NOT my problem.  If you haven’t given me the benefit of the doubt, and don’t actually take any time to get to know me before you judge me . . . then that’s your bad.  Not mine.  And most likely *your* projection onto me.  Not me.

I *do* have to make sure my needs are met before I start getting all cozy, friendly.  That’s how I operate.  When my needs are being met . . . well . . . I’m just a bowl full of cherries.  I’ll do just about anything for a friend, and even strangers.  I love, love, love people.  I love making you guys smile and making you guys laugh.  I love seeing you excited about something you love.  I love being a part of people’s lives.  But I can’t express this to others, or even be there for others . . . until my own needs have been met first.

And actually, thanks to my Pluto (Big Bowl of Scary) conjunct Descendant (House of Other), when my needs aren’t being met, I become very scared of people.  Or disempowered works here too.

You don’t have to have anything Aries in order for this to apply to you in some way (because everyone has a 1st house & Mars . . . both rules by Aries . . . somewhere in your charts), but mine is extra emphasized.  It’s not like, “Eh . . . maybe not today.”  It’s more like “Um, every second of every day you better be operating like this or life is going to suck ass for you.”

So . . . here’s to keeping in the remembering portion of personal peek-a-boo . . . and remembering the *Me* needs.

I Wanna Be Like Me by Sara Bareilles

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