When You Believe

I was procrastinating house work with facebook, and clicked on a blog post, A Daddy’s Letter to his Little Girl About Her Future Husband.  It is a beautiful post about how he wants his little girl to know, that contrary to trendy magazine articles, she does not need to do anything to “keep her man interested” except to be herself.  It felt really, really good to hear that coming from a father.

It tied in nicely with a pep talk a teacher was giving his student (who had a crush on him and he was letting her down gently) on a TV series I’ve had playing in the background.  He told her that when she found the right man, that he’ll love her exactly for who she is.  And that the weakness or faults that she doesn’t like about herself . . . are the very things that he’ll love most about her.

I need a moment.  I’m getting all verklempt.  {waving hands over teary-eyes and making the *I’m not going to cry* face}

It touches me deeply, because I have found that man for me.

But that’s not what this post is about.  : )

As I was feeling the warm fuzzies that were mating like bunnies inside my heart, I wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of the page, so I started scanning over the comments section.

The second comment down, I saw this:

I agree with most everything here, in theory, except for the religion – this is the basis for your values.

And then saw a reply to that comment:

My fiancee is atheist.

And then saw another reply from the person originally commenting:

You’re entitled to your opinion, Cliff, but don’t be ‘sorry’ for me.  I don’t apologize for my belief, and I don’t agree with yours.

And then something started buzzing in me (almost literally).  I suddenly had *something* to say to these strangers.  It’s been a really, really, really long time since I’ve felt this.  I know I voice my opinion often, and I respond to friends, and blogs. . . but I mean this in a different way.

Typically, when it’s something to do with people’s belief systems, etc. my mind kind of goes into this “everyone believes what they believe and that’s their right.  Who am I to say what is right or wrong for anyone else.  And who gives two cents about what I believe, people aren’t really listening anyways.  Ergo, I have no interest in responding.”

I guess it’s been something along the lines of apathy.  It’s a very, very dull place to be.  Especially for a Fire person like me, who needs to feel inspired and needs to believe strongly in something.

So this *bzzz* *bzzz* *bzzz* started going off in me, and I had hit the reply button and started typing before my conscious mind was able to catch up to what was going on.  And as I was typing the response, I felt REALLY good.  I felt clear, calm, peaceful, loving, caring, knowing.  This was nothing to do with me, this was to do with a message wanting to come through and I was being buzzed requested to convey it.

I have no idea who or what I was responding to.  I was not feeling anything personal towards the people or comments that had brought on this response.  It actually seemed more like the series of word combinations I saw in the comments, acted as a password to unencrypt information that was ready to be released.  I just went with it.  It felt completely natural to me, and it felt really, really good.  It felt like I was rejoining life as a participant for the first time in a long time.

Apathy be damned.

As I was finishing it and about to hit reply, I wanted nothing more than to share with you guys my moment.  My moment of “I’m starting to care again about something going on in the outside world enough to participate”.  It’s of the same nature of feeling that I was describing in my post, The Song Whisperer.  A feeling that has slowly but surely been building and coming back in bleeps and bloops that I recall having as a kid.  It keeps surfacing more and more and staying around for longer periods of time.  I think if I now had to give a name to it, it would be “I believe again.”

I am starting to believe and feel the wonder of a child again.  The one that remembers magic.  And that unicorns are real, but you just can’t see them here.  And that really, I’m a princess in disguise.  And makes cushion forts and giggles herself silly (and unknowingly giving away her position) when someone says, “Where did Jenn go?”

Oh wait.  But I’m a grown up now. . .    : /

So I need to revise the princess part.  That’s for kids.  I’m a Queen in disguise.

The rest still stands.

= D

So without further ado (and elaborate procrastination scheme to keep me from having to do housework), here was my moment and reply to the comments.

I think the point being made in this article is what a person’s values truly are underneath. . . and not the title or label each individual chooses to give their set of values.  What one individual calls “being a good Christian” another person calls being “Atheist”.  We are all prone to our own individual perceptions and filters, and must understand that what one name means to me, means something else to others.  You must look below the surface of what someone says, in order to understand what they are truly trying to communicate.  Telling me you are Christian, tells me absolutely nothing about you.  But, tell me what truly lies in your heart, and then I will know who you are.

Many of life’s disappointments come from assumptions, misunderstandings, and miscommunication.  Often, because people are not truly listening to what others are trying to say or express.  If I were to say I’m an atheist, people may assume many things of me.  If they never ask me what that means to me, they will never actually hear or see the *me* that is in my heart.  If they were open-hearted, and were interested in me as a person, then they would hold the space, without judgment, to ask me what that means to me.  And they would maybe come to find out, that what I believe . . . is very much in line with what Jesus was truly trying to teach.  And that truly in heart, I’m a Christian, but I do not see myself or label myself in that way.

The reason it was said to not judge, lest you be judged yourself . . . is because you are showing what is truly in your heart when you do this.  If you are judging an atheist because of the assumptions of the name alone, and not who the person really is, you are showing to everyone around you, that your own heart is closed. . . and you will be judged by others based on that.  You may scream that you are being persecuted because you are Christian, but no.  You are being treated how you treat others.  And you treat others, how you inwardly. . . secretly. . . treat yourself.

You cannot be loving, open, and understanding if you are not able to be loving, open, and understanding with yourself.  You reap, what you sow.

Elf Hunting


  1. Jean Mackenzie says:

    This is just so very true – all the assumptions, judgments, projections and basically life is about deeply healing anything inside of ourselves that is keeping us from Love, Light, Truth … Fabulous blog, Jen and very important that we all see it and work with our own stuff!!!


    • Thank you! It felt really good to read your comment.

      It *is* very important that we all see and work with our own stuff. My true healing began when I was introduced to boundaries and who I am separate from others. Learning to distinguish what was what and whose was whose . . . because that empowers and enables me to stop the cycles. When I didn’t know that, it made it too easy for people to take advantage of me or use me as a scapegoat . . . and perpetuate the cycle.

      But learning the distinction. . . the discernment. . . helped me to know when to say, “no” or “please stop” or “this is not mine, and therefore I need you to own it, so that you can stop the cycle too”.

      But, at the very same time. . . when you are clear on whose is whose and what is what. . . is when you finally see how we are really connected and how the things that people do and say. . . whether it’s theirs or yours. . . very directly hurts ourselves and each other. It’s just not clear, or easy to see until you’ve cleared out your own stuff, and are looking at it from a place of centered love. And from there. . . it’s not about judging others for their faults, it becomes a desire to help them step out of the muck too.


  2. ’tis the problem with labels. shorthand is no substitute for context in creating meaning. i made the comment once that all christians were buddhists and pissed a lot of people off. the reasons for my observation were never a point of interest. the label was everything. i’m constantly amazed at how many people prefer to exist two-dimensionally rather than expend sixty seconds thinking about matters they claim are the core of their existence. of course, i ruminate on the trivial, so i guess i can’t be too critical.

    (side note: at last, someplace i can be hyperlexic and not worry about it!)

    nice article. i’m not religious, but i respect people who 1) are as long as they 2) thoughtfully engage their beliefs. anyone who doesn’t is of course free not to care what i think and usually they don’t.


    • lol – I definitely recognize my own self in you.

      I can easily get myself lost in the sauce with a cyclical downward spiral of “this is like this. . . but then of course if I apply that to me and how I am, then it’s not fair for me to say that of these people, so I have no right to speak of it because then I’ll just be a hypocrite . . . ”

      Ugh. I would go from being crystal clear in a situation to not understanding it at all anymore.

      But now I try to keep in mind that 1) nothing is black and white (<— including that statement) and 2) the nature of true reality is one filled with paradoxes.

      As soon as I state a definitive, I can guarantee that life will show me in what circumstances that is *not* true. I am and my understanding of anything and everything thing is forever being refined.

      That's also how we reconcile duality. We are able to see how and when something is one way and how and when something appears to be the opposite. . . and. . . we can see the connection between the two. It's not that we stop being dualistic. . . we just understand the whole and can then fluidly move into whichever one or part is appropriate for where we are in that moment without judgment and making a big deal out of it.


  3. Sweet Jenn,

    What a AWESOME post. Feels so insinc with it ( did i write that right?)
    And yes, I know what you mean when something just have to come through you.
    Thank you for sharing this. Its absolutely amazing!

    Gonna share this also on my fb. cause its also how I feel it within me.
    its like it could have been my words. Like i said so insinc.
    Feels also like synchronicity.

    Much LOVE and Blessings,


    • Thank you, Sunshine!

      I really loved that you enjoyed it so much that you shared it on fb. = D It really brightens my day when people do feel the urge to share something I wrote, because sharing means a lot to me. It’s one of my values. And when someone enjoys what I shared so much, that they want to share it also. . . that is probably one of the highest forms of compliment to me.

      And it is even more valuable and meaningful to me when the person only shares when it really touched them. It lit me up to see you had shared it on fb, and the same when Carmen did too. Between the two of you yesterday, I was beaming like a 1,000 watt lightbulb. = D


  4. Ophelia says:

    you have a beautiful soul (heh… typing before i think too much). i very much enjoy reading your posts. one benefit to being aspie, thin skin can work both ways.



  1. […] it feels so GOOD.  Just like I wrote in my When You Believe post, when I went into a *moment* in a reply to a comment.  It wasn’t the comment that was […]


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