I Think It’s Going To Rain Today

Today I feel a part of me wanting to come out that has never voluntarily done so.

A part of me that I hold very, very deep inside of me.  The part of me that I shield and protect with every single thing I have at my disposal.

I’m having to write this very slowly, because any sudden movements make her skitter away.  She’s not used to so much conscious visibility and attention from me.

I typically avoid her.  She conflicts with how I’ve felt I had to be when I’m around other people.  I love her with all of my heart.  But, I know how the world can be, and I feel she must be protected at all costs so that I don’t lose her.

. . . B i g  b r e a t h. . .

This is the part of me that wants to comfort others.  The mother in me.

The one, that when I see heartbreak in another human, my heart breaks with them. . . and all I wish to do is rock them in my arms.  Give them a safe place to feel their pain and to let it out.

Not in pity.  Not even in sympathy.

But because no one should have to suffer heartbreak alone.

And everyone needs a safe place to let themselves fall completely apart. . . so they can release the pain and grief, instead of holding it tight inside of their body and trying to be strong for everyone else.

And because we need a loving witness to the pain we feel.  Someone who is strong enough to see you at your weakest, and not think less of you for it.

Nobody can feel the pain for us.  That is the part that we must do ourselves.  But I do not believe it needs to be done in complete isolation.

Take a moment. . . and step out of yourself.  Think of all of the people you’ve seen all over the world recently, whether it’s from TV or the internet, in person, etc..  Think of the strong emotions playing out.  Such anger and outrage.  Pain.  Crying.  Strength. Love.

Think of the times you felt those strong emotions.  What you were going through inside.  Recall those and bring them back up to the surface.

And now pretend, just for a moment. . . that instead of those people you saw, going through those emotions. . . it was you.  You standing there in outrage at what’s going on.  Or hopelessness of what your future holds.  Fear of not knowing what’s next for you or if you can protect your family or feed them.  Pain and sorrow from what you are forced to witness everyday.  Grief from loss.

Regardless of whether there is a difference in beliefs among us. . . we are all hurting and feeling in the same way underneath.

I don’t know where and when all of today’s bullshit started.  Most likely, the beginning of time.  We are all fighting someone else’s fight from long ago.

Through the eyes of a mother, when I look out at our world, my feeling is . . . e n o u g h.

T h a t’s .

E n o u g h.

A mother’s heart can’t take anymore.

I think we have all suffered for far, far too long.  It’s time to stop now.  Just let it go.

None of us here on this planet right now, deserve this.  Not.One.Person.

We’re all just acting out cycles of pain from generations past.  We’ve inherited their mistakes, their pain, their grief, their anger. . .

Someone has to be big enough to just.let.it.go. . . so we can all start healing.

Comments

  1. ‘Nuff said, my dear ❤

    Like

  2. Jean Mackenzie says:

    As usual, Jen, you’;re spot on !!!

    Like

  3. Just felt it all through your words. Thank you ❤

    Much LOVE and Kindness,
    Mirjam ☼ Sunshine ☼

    Like

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