The Many Ways We Love

My son was cracking me up last night.

“Many people tell me how wise I am. . .

And now I am foolish, for thinking I am wise.

Which in itself is a wise thing.

And now I am even more foolish. . .

Somebody quote me!”

Bwahahahahah! His comedic timing was impeccable. He was really on a roll last night (what kind? dinner? crescent?).

I can’t say the same for his mother. {shrugs}

Last night reminded me of something incredibly valuable to me in my life, and that is in understanding that we all love in our own way.

If I may be so bold, as to scrutinize the golden rule for a moment:

“Treat yourself as you’d have others treat you.”

I really took this to heart when I was a teenager. And with a religious zeal, I immediately began implementing it in my everyday life.

“I want people to be nice to me, so I am going to be nice to other people.”

There. That should take care of that issue in my life (I said smugly in my all-knowing teenage years). I had a long laundry list of how I thought people should be, and I was going to do all those things for them. Because you know, then maybe they’ll get the hint that that’s how they should be too. And peace will reign on Earth. I was so very clever. : )

But all that did for me in actuality, was set up a lot of false expectations and resulting disappointment when people didn’t treat me any different. If anything, I was treated worse.

So, back to the drawing board.

I’ll save you the long, epic journey of where this took me and skip to the good part. My epiphany of where I had misunderstood my literal translation of the golden rule.

If I’m too busy looking for others to respond in the way I would to a situation, I miss out on seeing the person for who they really are, and their own way of being. Plus, I will constantly be disappointed in life with failed expectations of others.

The most noticeable example of this, is the many different ways we all show and receive love. I have many different ways, and the way I show it can change from day to day. So, if you think “if she loved me… she would call more often”. . . you are going to be disappointed. Because that’s not how I show my love. That’s not how I am. If that’s how *you* show your love. . . then cool… do it. But don’t expect it of me. And don’t try to make me feel guilty for *not* showing my love in that way.

If you’re really seeing me, me…. the Jenn that resides within my heart… then you will see for yourself the ways that I show I love the people in my life. And no, it’s most likely not going to look like the ways that you show your love to others in life.

Maybe one day, I show it by lovingly cleaning out the kitty litter. It’s not that I love cleaning cat shit. I don’t. But. I feel love when I’m doing it (not every time… let’s not get crazy here), because I really love my cats and I want them to have a nice clean place to use the restroom. It makes me feel good that I can provide that for them.

When I pick up my son’s favorite foods at the store, it’s because I am feeling love and I want to somehow show that for him. So, to me, providing something he loves. . . is *my* way of showing love.

Maybe (pure speculation on my part) he wishes he had a mom who was more “huggy” and said “I love you” out loud more. I wish I could’ve been more that way myself. And I still try. But…it’s not a natural way of expression for me. I can’t be who I am not.

So last night, when my son was cracking me up with his natural wit. I didn’t need for him to say to me, “Mom, I love you.” because he was saying it loud and clear in his interaction with me. He was literally shining light off of his body last night. I hadn’t seen that with him in years!! It was more heart warming and beautiful than any clumsy words could have conveyed.

I say the golden rule could maybe use a revision, or even some clarification. Maybe yes, treat others how you would like to be treated yourself. . . but don’t forget that others have their own ways too. And they’re all pretty neat.


  1. Ha ha, “Somebody quote me” … He’s not just wise but also clever : D I love how you got to see him shine, and I hope he could feel it in himself as well.

    And very true, love has infinite expressions. And only if we step out of the assumption/expectation/judgement/projection/conditional game, can we see and feel it fully. Love is an energy and not a set of rules. All we can do is own our hearts, and it will share itself.


    • Jennifer Roark says:

      Well, *you* were certainly showing your love with your latest song. That’s some badass candylane Love energy power you have moving in that song! : D

      And. . .
      {you’re it!}


  2. Uh uh {meep meep!}


  3. The only thing i can say is. This is so true. And i love to read it. I Love love which ever way it shows itself. You just have to open your heart-eyes to see it. to feel it. and sing its song. The song of LOVE. is all around. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    Much LOVE and deep Blessings,
    Mirjam ( Sushine)


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