Apathy and Irony

When my eyes popped open this morning, the first thing I was feeling was that I wanted to change everything in my room.  Stuff has been the way it is in my room for years.  However, once my brain had a chance to kick in, I was plagued by a million reasons that was *not* going to happen today (or maybe ever).

Awww, but how come? : (

The word that came to mind was, apathy.  In fact that word has been creeping into my thoughts and conversations more and more in the last week.  I know basically what it means, but anytime a specific word decides to make a repeated appearance in my life, I figure I better give it some love and look it up.

Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/apathy  says:

ap·a·thy

[ap-uh-thee]
noun, plural ap·a·thies.

1.  absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2.  lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

Ok, so I knew it was an absence of passion, emotion, etc… but interesting about the suppression of it.  I can definitely identify with that.  I have an overabundance of all of those things.  But, for the most part, I don’t know how to utilize that energy effectively around others.  Combine that with a tendency towards trying to push the spotlight away from myself in a panic (ack! please don’t see me!), and you’ve got yourself a recipe for suppression. . . apathy.

Well, cool.  I mean, yeah, I can see why this word is making itself known to me.

Still curious so let’s see what wikipedia has to say about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apathy :

They may lack a sense of purpose or meaning in their life. He or she may also exhibit insensibility or sluggishness.

Huh. Ok, well, what else?

In 1950, US novelist John Dos Passos wrote: “Apathy is one of the characteristic responses of any living organism when it is subjected to stimuli too intense or too complicated to cope with.   The cure for apathy is comprehension.

I’m intrigued, go on.

Social origin

There may be other things contributing to a person’s apathy. Activist David Meslin argues that people often care, and that apathy is often the result of social systems actively obstructing engagement and involvement. He describes various obstacles that prevent people from knowing how or why they might get involved in something. Meslin focuses on design choices that unintentionally or intentionally exclude people. These include: capitalistic media systems that have no provisions for ideas that are not immediately (monetarily) profitable, government and political media (e.g. notices) that make it difficult for potentially interested individuals to find relevant information, and media portrayals of heroes as “chosen” by outside forces rather than self-motivated. He moves that we redefine social apathy to think of it, not as a population that is stupid or lazy, but as result of poorly designed systems that fail to invite others to participate.[5][6]

Well.  That’s not what I was expecting to find when I went to find the definition of apathy.  That did a little circling around the entrance of the rabbit hole.

I love it.

This gives me something to chew on.  Before looking up what it meant, my impression of apathy was just losing that *spark* in life.  Doldrums.  Repetitive schedules that just continue on forever, and nothing ever changes…not really…so why bother.  A simple lack of passion.

But a suppression of passion, emotion, excitement… in a world full of overstimulation and intensity … and an economy that is only interested in input and contribution from its people that will make an immediate profit. . . now *that* shines some light on it for me.

What is important to me?  It’s kind of hard to know, because it’s kind of hard to hear through all of the busyness.  From morning, noon, and night, I’m bombarded with things trying to get my attention.  Me, as a person, is looked right through. . . as the things that bombard me are focused on what it is they stand to gain by getting my attention.  Trying to tell me what it is I need, want, should have, should do.  As if I have no needs, wants, would like to-dos of my own.  I am not a resource, number, target, or commodity.  I am a god.damn.human.being.

And as a human being I have feelings and emotions.  And no, they aren’t always rational or logical.  I think the biggest scam on the planet, is in getting us to believe that being strictly rational is equivalent to being civilized or advanced.  Denying our emotions and feelings, does NOT make them go away.  It just erupts in other, more “acceptable” ways. . . like . . . oh, I don’t know… WAR?

In our attempt to compartmentalize ourselves (keep work at work, and personal stuff at home) and be civil (calm down! and carry on.) and unoffensive to everyone (you know how sensitive those vertically challenged people can be), we have lost ourselves and who we are inside.  If being strictly intellectual and “scientific” is so civilized. . . then explain to me why the whole goddamn planet is falling apart, and very few people are happy?

I don’t WANT to compartmentalize myself anymore.  I am who I am, where ever I am, whenever I am, however I am.  I *want* to be able to feel strongly about something and not be ostracized from society.  I *want* to care out loud a lot.  I want to cry in public, and not feel like an emotional leper.  I want to sing when the moment comes upon me, and I want to dance when I get a case of the wiggles.  If I could break out into a full blown, goddamn musical in the middle of downtown, I would do it!

I am FULL of life!  I am a passionate woman!  I have joy, enthusiasm, and happiness just waiting to explode and share with every person who wants it.  I care.  I love.  I feel.  I am alive!  I make mistakes dramatically.  I laugh as fully and loudly as possible.  I take risks!  I try to make a complete and total ass of myself on a regular basis.  I am the world’s biggest goofball.  I am silly.  I have weird ideas. I’m scared of really dumb things.  I am idealistic.  I have dreams.  I have visions.  I have hope.  I have faith.  I believe in magic.  I believe in the impossible.  I do the impossible.  I think Excel spreadsheets are pretty damn cool.  I talk to my cats like they’re people.

I see so many opportunities and possibilities for things to be different and better.  I want to help be a part of that solution.  I want everybody to be able to laugh when they want and cry when they want.  I want everyone to find happiness.  I want everyone to know the joy of being who they are without judgement or fault.  I want everyone to be able to feel and to love and to be loved.  I want everyone to know what they want and what they value and be able to live a life that matches those things.  I want everyone to feel whole within themselves.  I want everyone to know peace and content.  I want everyone to feel self empowered and respected.  I want everyone to feel heard.

But most of all, I want everyone to feel that they have been seen and loved, for who they truly are.

I’m pretty sure that’ll help out with the apathy part.  : D

Turtle Rawr

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