Greatest.Mother’s Day.Gift.Ever.

I’m currently in the middle of a heart swelling, this is what makes it all worth it, moment.  My son, who will be 18 this year, has just totally blown my mind.  He has had a rough last couple of weeks, stuff just blowing up around him with his friends and his girlfriend.  But watching how he has been dealing with it, has been nothing less than beautiful.  That’s not to mean that he didn’t have emotional blow ups with them, or that he hasn’t gone through a good case of the grumps.  But the overall process and grace of how he has consciously chosen to deal with it. . . is breathtaking to behold.

He didn’t harden up, he didn’t shut himself down, he didn’t close his mind and his heart even though that would have been much more preferable than dealing with the extremely uncomfortable feelings all of this was having on him.  I’m sure he had moments where he *did* do those things. . . but one of the amazing things is that he didn’t stay in those places.

He took a very real, honest look at the situations that were happening around him, including his part in them.  He humbled himself.  I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a teenage boy genuinely humble himself, but it’s nothing less than shocking and heart swelling.

Yesterday, being Mother’s Day, he was making a huge attempt to be thoughtful of me.  I loved his effort.  This, on top of what he has been dealing with in his own life personally.  So during a conversation, he kind of snapped back at me – and in a way that made me raise an eyebrow, shut up, and decide that I needed a few moments to calm down before I attempted to communicate anything else.

Normally, this is where he shuts down and goes into his room.  But, he was summoning strength from somewhere deep in himself to not respond in this way.  After a few moments he said he was sorry and then started explaining the incredibly mature insights he had started to see and understand from some self reflection in regards to his recent experiences.

He recognized that he had trouble communicating with others, and how not communicating with people is what makes him feel isolated and alone in things.  “Apparently, communicating is important.”  : D  He said that he is consciously trying to communicate out to others what he is experiencing, but that it’s really tough for him because he has difficulty communicating and it can be misunderstood.  I told him that if the person he was talking to, was worth anything, just by him being open and expressing that he’s in the process of learning how to communicate more effectively, that more than likely they’ll have patience and hold the space for him to do so.   He was also aware that he may start to forget this valuable lesson, but that life always has a way of bringing it back around to remind you, and that he will be patient with himself in this process.

I’m paraphrasing what was said, and the conversation went much deeper, and was just something else to behold.  When did my boy go and grow up on me?

This morning as I was driving to school, he was keeping true to his commitment to keep communicating and not shut people out.  He kept his ipod off, and he continued saying the things on his mind, and allowing me to do the same.  Learning how to listen, and to communicate.  Wow.  I had so much mommy love welling up in me, that I hardly knew what to do with myself.

And just when I thought he couldn’t surprise me anymore than he already had, he said something that really hit home for me.  He said that he had been trying to think of what to do for Mother’s Day, and wasn’t really coming up with anything. . . so he decided that the best thing he knew to do, was to become a better Bjorn.

O.O

Oh my god.  It all hit me at once, his genuineness, his humbling experience, his seeing to the center and truth of where many of his problems stem from and then consciously choosing a new way… a brave way… and acting on it… was his Mother’s Day gift to me.

What in the hell did I do to deserve such an amazing, mind blowing, loving, thoughtful, kind son? (Insert insane bawling here)  I am so grateful, and so appreciative for what I received.  I told him, that it was the most thoughtful Mother’s Day gift in all of humanity.  (I know that doesn’t necessarily make sense, but it’s what came out.)

The maturity, the grace, the love, the courage & bravery, thoughtfulness, wisdom, and just outright beauty of the gift that he gave me is beyond words and feelings.  If ever anyone exemplified what it meant to show who they really are inside, it was in this gift that my son gave to me.

Thank you, my dear son, for the best present you could have ever given me.  I couldn’t be prouder of you and what you’re doing for yourself and in turn for everyone else in your life.  I am proud and honored to be your mom.

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